Is she cheating?

[Unregistered]

My wife has a jobe where she attends to a mentally handicapped person, well the person also needs a overall caretaker.

The patient is male, so the caretaker is male.

My concern is...a certain male caretaker has given my wife advice on how he would treat her if they were having problems at home..(of course he has said he would approach things in a possitive mannor etc...all really nice sweet things...that if truely in the same situation..he has no idea how he would react) (sort of reminds me of highschool, when guys would sweet talk the girls to get them in bed)

Anyway...my wife & the caretaker have to spend alot of time together...often I can't reach her by cell phone or they are not where she said they would be. on & on.

She says they are only friends & she has no interest in him.

It may be me..but on one occassion we actually had a sexual incounter...(during a rough time of our relationship)
She "felt" different inside...OK now we have been married 9 1/2 years & she has not "felt" this way before.
I had a very sick feeling at that point she is/was cheating on me...since that time..the "feeling" is back to normal.

Alot of her behaviors have changed...clothing, fixing her hair (when before she could care less)
Odd hours "unknown caller" on the caller ID
Her cell phone call list always erased.
Am I thinking to hard here..or might there be a problem??

[Dave]

First of all I'd recommend you take a look at the section on the site on Infidelity and Affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) and in particlar the article on the tell-tale signs.

However,whether this confirms or reduces your fears, you will be left with the "what next?" question. My advice would be to look at this not as a "problem to be confronted", but rather a warning sign that you need to work together on what your marriage could be. Why not book yourselves onto one of the excellent weekends offered by the organisations in Promoting Marriage (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/datelist.html) and take the initiative by building on all you value in each other rather than the failings which each of us has.

As for some of the changes you have noted, well they may be signs or they may not. But how about complementing your wife on her new-found interest in her appearance - encourage her, build her up, work on communication etc - your focus on her will not only touch her, but will also help you avaoid becoming obsessively compelled to "look for the evidence".

Hope this helps

Dave