He said he doesn't love me and is leaving

[Malibu]

My husband said he is leaving and doesn't love me anymore. We have not had the perfect marriage but I don't want it to end I love him more as the years go by. He is resentful for the past. We have been together 13 years and I am 28 now. I was not respectful as I should have been and don't blame him for his resentfulness (I would feel the same way). Now I want forgiveness and to continue as a family the way it should be, now that reality has hit me. I have always been controlling and selfish. He has been controlling to me as well making me more rebelious. I have had clinical depression since I was 15 adding to my problems. I have made bad choices when I was 16 I wanted to feel wanted again and ended up having an affair, but it meant nothing to me I just wanted to feel wanted again. Years have gone by and I we t to college got a degree, but while in college I fell in love with another man studying for the same degree and had another affair. At this time my husband showed me little love and the other man did. I was going to leave my husband but stayed. Now 3 years later he says he no longer loves me and wants to leave. He says he can never love me again. Now I plead with him to stay, I have truly learned to love him. I would sacrify anything for his love. Now my problem is I have so much self destructive behavior it seems like I cannot control. I cry all the time, I beg all the time for him to change his mind, I cling to him, I ask him multiple times daily if he could still love me, all of which drive him crazy making him want to leave me more. I can't control this behavior of mine. Do I continue to beg or do I let him go and pray he comes back. Counseling is out of the question for him. I feel helpless, feel like I have no control over anything in my life anymore it is all falling apart from my destructive behavior.

[Unregistered]

I, too, am going through a similar situation, and I truly do understand how you must feel. I just wanted to offer to you the name of a book that made a huge impact on me. It is written by Michelle Werner Davis and is called "The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7 Step Program for Saving Your Marriage." (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/books/divorceremedy/) More than anything, it helped me see myself through my husband's eyes. You're absolutely correct, that begging, crying and clinging on only pushes your spouse further away. The book helped me realize that positive progress can be made toward healing a marriage even when only one spouse is committed to it. Please go out and buy it today - but read it yourself, and don't share the fact with your husband. You need to grasp it first, and asking your spouse to read it only feels to him like you're trying to be his therapist. YOU can make changes to yourself that just might help him understand what you need, without sacrificing his pride and your dignity. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you much luck. From a friend in the USA