i cant stop crying

[Unregistered]

Hi I know im not the first or last it will happpen to but my husband of 13 years (30th June) has had an affairwhich endedfeb but i found full details and confronted it at the end of April , He is a good man and didnt go looking for it, he has never been tempted before in all our years married. He got himself into a situation he couldnt handle by a very pushy female it sounds like I am making excuses for him but Ive covered all angles we have talked openly about the whys and wherefores etc but I have to bear the brunt of all the hurt. It isnt the sex thathas hurt it was just sex and nothing else its the way he lied to me when I knew he was fooling about. I had no hard evidence so didnt confront him properley but I did ask him time after time if there was anyone else, he 'promised' there wasnt.
So the trust faith honesty openess has been blasted wide open.
I really do love him with all my heart and I have never stopped loving him all through this and he says exactly the same, the thing I am having difficulty with is tears I cant stop crying but I have three children so I have to keep it from them.
The tears are a result of things he has said and done to me when he was trying to conceal his guilt, the places he went to with her that we had so many happy memories of together, should I feel flattered that we had happy times there so much that he wanted to sheare it with her? if i should Im sorry I dont I dont ever want to go to those places again. the things he said to me trying to tell me that I had put on weight, I know this wasnt an issue Ive never been or will be twiggy and now his affair is over he tells me that it has or never will be a problem ,and it was his way of trying to find an excuse when there wasnt one . I still trust him but I am having trouble with the hurtful things that were said and done how do i cope?
Ive always been the type of person everyone goes to for help and support encouragement and compassion why cant I be strong enough now to cope with these things ?
I have good days but then when a bad day comes I dont know how to deal with it.
when will this hurt and pain go away ? when will I stop feeling so badly? when will I be able to hold my head high and smile again
sorry for going on but I really dont know who else to talk to.

L
ps founf this site by accident
xx

[Liz]

Thank you for sharing so honestly how you are struggling - I'm sure others will be helped by your openness.

Often it's easier to help others, but devastating when it actually happens to you. There's nothing to be ashamed of in being very emotional about this. You have strong feelings inside and you can't just push them away. It's actually healthier to acknowledge they are there. If you have no other outlet then why not write your feelings down - you can always tear it up afterwards if you don't want anyone to see it.

Basically your life has been turned upside down and inside out and it's going to take time to make sense of it all.

There are a number of helpful articles in the infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) section of the site which talk about the stages we go through trying to come to terms with these things. Sadly the pain doesn't go away over night, but some couples do come through stronger and more open and loving with each other.

The other thing that you may need to work through is forgiving (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/forgive/) your husband for what he has done. I can tell by what you've written that you desperately want to, and forgiving is painful too, because you're choosing not to hold it against him.

I'm not sure anyone can tell you when the pain will stop, but I think part of the healing process is in telling your story and coming to terms with the fact that it has happened but there is hope and a future for you.

All the best

Liz