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Unregistered
30th June 2002, 09:09 PM
Married, 2 children, adore my wife, thought everything was OK. Then out of the blue she tells me she is unhappy and wants to be on her own. There is no 3rd party and she says there is nothing wrong withme and I have done no wrong, it is just her. She is willing to give up all we have for no logical reason and the only answer I get back is I want to live alone. Has anyone seen this behaviour before. She is so sure that is what she wants and i am devastated. She says that she doesn't want me under the same roof but again it is the way she feels and nothing I've done. how can I come to terms with this. i have been begging with her now for 2 weeks to think things through but she says she is 100% of what she wants. No matter what I say the naswer is the same and no-one else who knows her can make sense of it.

Do I let her go or fight?. She says that fighting is just making things worse.

Help

petsitr
30th June 2002, 11:27 PM
I read your message and I can tell you that it sounds like there may be another man involved. Are you absolutely certain she is being faithful? If she really wants to leave, you have to let her go. It just diesn't make sense. petsitr:)

Kate
3rd July 2002, 04:59 PM
You're not the first person to post here with a similar problem. When your wife says that she wants to be alone, does she also want to leav you with the children. Certainly she should consider the impact of what she is doing on them. They need both of you preferably in a loving and committed marriage.

I wonder if you have been able to get her to talk about how she is feeling about marriage, herself and life in general. If you can do this in a way which communicates to her that you want to understand her rather than change her mind, that might help both of you to understand what is happening. There are all sorts of possibilities, she may feel trapped, unable to give you what she thinks you need or expect. She may be struggling with being in such a close relationship with someone and be running away from intimacy, afraid that she is unlovable or of little value.

She may not feel loving anymore and think that is a reason for giving up instead of realising that all of us go through disappointment and disillusionment at some point in marriage.

It doesn't seem unreasonable to ask her to give you a bit more explanation. She may be hiding something, but it doesn't have to be an affair - it could be fears or self doubts.

I hope you can find some way to get her to talk more openly with you.

Best wishes

Kate

Unregistered
13th July 2002, 11:37 PM
Thanks Kate.

It seems the more I try to talk the more distant she becomes. She has openly told me that she does not find me attractive any more and that she feels she needs to talk to no one about this. She has also openly said that she wants to leave to find her happiness yet she doesn't know what she is looking for but she knows it is not with me. She has complained that she has had no social life yet I have never stopped her going out with her friends in the past. Lately she is getting all dressed up in her best stuff and going out with friends and saying she is doing it to feel good but to someone who is confused at the moment it seems she is deliberately going out to attract men. I am just about at the point where I can not take any more hurt and I will let her go but I still do not understand why. Everyone I have spoken to including her best friends have all been shocked by this and do not know what to make of it but my wife thinks it is totally OK. I fear the very worst.

Liz
16th July 2002, 05:00 PM
I wonder why you should be expected to leave your home and your children, while your wife has some sort of crisis about marriage and her life. If she's really not happy then she should be the one making choices not forcing you to. There is a lot to be said for sitting tight in your home with your children. Actign as lovingly and as caringly as you can and waiting to see what develops. Yes it's painful, yes it seems unbearable, but will it really be any less painful in the long run to walk away as she asks you to. If she isn't committed to the marriage that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be.

Liz