don't understand

[copycat1972]

i have been married for about three years now. i'm 30 years old and my husband is 40 years old. he play in a band on the weekends. the problem is i found he been cheating on me. he has kiss lot of girls at the club. at the hotel he work in he went into a room with a maid and they play with other but he saids they didn't have intercourse together but they should have it wouldn't be any worse on me. to top it all off he met his dream girl at the clubwere he was playing at and she told him that she always love him and the only reason she wouldn't have anything to do with him at school and when they were older was she was scare to this is after she found out he a good job. she has been 3 times and have no job and she down on her luck. they started to see each other they came close sleeping together but he saids they didn't. i went to the club one night to see what was going on and i catch them in his car kissing. i was so mad. then he had a nerve to tell me that he was in love with both of us. he hasn't seen this woman in 10 years and he in love with her! that turn my world upside down. how could he do this to me in fornt of her to! i told him to get his things and get out in 2 weeks he came back to me and ask me to give him a second chance that when he told me all the things he has done to me. i thought i had a wonderful husband and now i come to found out i don't. i love him so much that hurt so much. yes, we are giving our marriage a second chance and it is hard work on me because the woman that he was messing around with show up to the club everyweekend to watch him play and tries to get his attention. he told me he has mad a huge mistake. i' m not saying i'm perfect wife we fight i have push him away and told him i wanted out a lot of times and i know i was wrong for that and he knows he was wrong for what he has done. it just so hard. i will i know he want do this to me again. i can i trust him. sometimes i wonder i'm making the right choice or is it better for me to leave him and start all over again. i don't know what to do he has hurt me so much. when will i not stop wondering everytime he leaves the house to go to play that he want mess around on me. i cant out everyweekend with him because of my job and our son. but i did agree that i will go out and watch him play once everyweekend and support him in his music.

[petsitr]

I am no expert on men, but if your husband admits flirting with other women while working; he probably has a pattern that won't change. If you cannot trust him, walk away. don't give up the rest of your life. I used to believe an unfaithful man could change, but they Rarely do. A leopard does not change his spots.

[Kate]

Good for you Copycat for trying to make things work. It sounds as though there have been a few difficulties between you and that you are trying to do things to make your marriage work.

There are lots of resources on the site to help you. You might have a look at the Basic Relationship Skills (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/) area. You might alos look at the area on infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) to help you understand the pain you are going though. it isn't easy to trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/) again once we have been hurt, but walking away isn't necessarily the answer either.