kelly
28th June 2002, 11:46 AM
Hi,
3 years ago partner confessed to things I had "accused" him of doing over the years previous to that. Things included, vast use of porn, live porn venues etc. The live porn venues we had discussed before he even went. His response something he would never do. I stated it would be worst thing he could ever do to me (backgroundhistory) and he promised he never would. He did start to go over a brief period several years ago.
3 years ago the confessions abut everything came out cos I was getting really ill trying to deny to myself what he was up to.
After wards I was in a real state for a long time and have worked very hard to rebuild trust. There are still problems in the relationship because he sung the praised of how wonderful one of these "live porn" people looks and said yeah i would prefer you looked like that. He now denies saying any of these things and insists (ha,ha) you are exactly what i like. Strange, when asked what he liked everyone he did like was ten times bigger than myself and anyone remotely like myself was too slim.
Some of that is a bit irrelevant but it does cause me problems within the relationship now.
He was offered and started a new job. It meant him working further away and two weeks away from home starting this week.
I would say his behaviour has been impeccable up to now and he was worked extremely hart to rebuild the relationship too.
However, he knew and i stated i was concerned about him going away to work this week and things like that were still difficult for me. He assured me I had nothing to worry about and he would not be definately not be out on ran dan etc. So i thought fine and was really okay with it.
Wednesday night, phoned his mobile, he didnt answer it, but someone it did get answered and all i could hear was blaring club music. Phoned several times after that no answer, then phone went onto switch off. I then started to become irrational, very worried upset cos he had promised (without me asking) he would not be out clubbing.
I didnt actually get him on phone till 3.30 am.
I asked where he had been and was annoyed and upset.
He said he had been sat in a pub drinking and watching football.
I said no you werent your phone answered it was loud music.
No music in place, then after me insisting he said there was music in the other room.
I then said you werent in a pub cos the pubs all closed way before ths time. He insisted he was but i knew he was lying.
I understood at this point part of his lying would be due to the fact i was upset and also cos he said he would not be clubbing.
Spoke to him last night things very strained. I then asked again about the club. He said okay i lied. We were in the pub came out and went to club next door so we could continue drinking. He insists all he did was sit drinking in club.
He said he had tried to phone in morning to tell truth and had been gutted sick all day he had lied and wanted to tell me at first opportunity.
The way I see this is, he did as he like even though he knew i would be upset that HE made a promise and broke it and its an exact repeat of the doing as he wants and then lying thing he did before. He sees the fact he lied as wrong, but i should be fine about it cos he told truth after.
I think i would be mad to go on after 3 pained years and having the same thing chucked in my face when trying to place trust even if he didnt put a foot out of place.
opinions please..
3 years ago partner confessed to things I had "accused" him of doing over the years previous to that. Things included, vast use of porn, live porn venues etc. The live porn venues we had discussed before he even went. His response something he would never do. I stated it would be worst thing he could ever do to me (backgroundhistory) and he promised he never would. He did start to go over a brief period several years ago.
3 years ago the confessions abut everything came out cos I was getting really ill trying to deny to myself what he was up to.
After wards I was in a real state for a long time and have worked very hard to rebuild trust. There are still problems in the relationship because he sung the praised of how wonderful one of these "live porn" people looks and said yeah i would prefer you looked like that. He now denies saying any of these things and insists (ha,ha) you are exactly what i like. Strange, when asked what he liked everyone he did like was ten times bigger than myself and anyone remotely like myself was too slim.
Some of that is a bit irrelevant but it does cause me problems within the relationship now.
He was offered and started a new job. It meant him working further away and two weeks away from home starting this week.
I would say his behaviour has been impeccable up to now and he was worked extremely hart to rebuild the relationship too.
However, he knew and i stated i was concerned about him going away to work this week and things like that were still difficult for me. He assured me I had nothing to worry about and he would not be definately not be out on ran dan etc. So i thought fine and was really okay with it.
Wednesday night, phoned his mobile, he didnt answer it, but someone it did get answered and all i could hear was blaring club music. Phoned several times after that no answer, then phone went onto switch off. I then started to become irrational, very worried upset cos he had promised (without me asking) he would not be out clubbing.
I didnt actually get him on phone till 3.30 am.
I asked where he had been and was annoyed and upset.
He said he had been sat in a pub drinking and watching football.
I said no you werent your phone answered it was loud music.
No music in place, then after me insisting he said there was music in the other room.
I then said you werent in a pub cos the pubs all closed way before ths time. He insisted he was but i knew he was lying.
I understood at this point part of his lying would be due to the fact i was upset and also cos he said he would not be clubbing.
Spoke to him last night things very strained. I then asked again about the club. He said okay i lied. We were in the pub came out and went to club next door so we could continue drinking. He insists all he did was sit drinking in club.
He said he had tried to phone in morning to tell truth and had been gutted sick all day he had lied and wanted to tell me at first opportunity.
The way I see this is, he did as he like even though he knew i would be upset that HE made a promise and broke it and its an exact repeat of the doing as he wants and then lying thing he did before. He sees the fact he lied as wrong, but i should be fine about it cos he told truth after.
I think i would be mad to go on after 3 pained years and having the same thing chucked in my face when trying to place trust even if he didnt put a foot out of place.
opinions please..