Her Anger Is Destructing Our Family

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I have been seperated from my wife off and on for almost a year. YES! I do love her, but I hurt deeply. No marriage is perfect nor is any partner 100% at fault. We have a three year old common daughter and two stepdaughters from her prior marriage.

It started immediately after she gave birth to our lovely daughter. She would go out and party with girl friends half her age (she is "Monica" 41 years old.) until three, four and earlier in the morning hours.

I remained home with our daughter, I was adimately against her going out like this, and especially with our newborn. After a while hurt and resentment grew on my part - alienation, vindictiveness grew on her part.

For almost six months now she has blamed me for everything, and claims she die before I could come back home. She has angry and hateful outburst in front of all her children to me over the phone and also when she brings or I pick up my beautiful daughter. She wishes the worst for me at one moment and the next she retreats and almost seems as if she is unsure to let me go. Divorce is in the works, and I halted the process, she does not push the issue of divorce but wants a commitment of support.

I give $150 per week plus pay for my daughters school,clothing, food, and everything under the sun, this is under my own initiative. She wants more cash, but refrains from finalization.

She refuses to forgive, I was addicted to prescribed medication, but over-came that problem. she at one time accused me of cheating on her. Never have I looked or committed in this marriage or relationship this act. This is actually the first time in my life I have actually been faithful. I would like nothing more to resolve this.

She refuses counseling, she claims she does not need it, but I do. I feel I want to regain a begginning of a healthy relationship more so for my daughter, but also because I feel there is something there, and at one time it was beautiful.

Two weeks ago for the first time she, (my wife) went out for dinner with my daughter and me. It was beautiful and whenever something nice began to happen, the first words out of my wifes mouth was, "YOUR NOT COMING HOME." I said, I did'nt even mention that!" She replied "well your not!" It made me cry to see how my daughter did'nt know or was unsure how to act. she seemed so happy to have both of us together - Mom and Dad with her. It breaks my heart but I need to do whats best for me and my daughter. Before this evening whenever I mentioned lets go out with our daughter she would say , "NO WAY. I don't love you, I'll never forgive you, I hate you and slam the phone and disconnect it.

I have in the past attempted to go to counseling with her, but she would always show up late, go to prove or attempt to prove I'm the fault, and would agree to excercises given by the counsleor, but would never do them. I evaluated if this was a co dependant relationship, which it is not from my perspective. It hurts to see my daughter ask me or in front of my seperated wife. Daddy our you coming back home? All I can say is not right now.

Two days ago I had a disaster in my carrer, I'm basically homeless, with exception to my office. MY wife refused to help and said to me I a horrible father and I be dead before I let you come to the house. Be a man find another way. I'm not going to help you. I'll never forgive you!

This was said in front of my three year old daughter. I've always been the bread winner for my step daughters and daughter at and away from home. Now I need support and I'm on my own.

You can email me at stogies01@msn.com or cremosa@boxfrog.com

call 954-914-9061[B]

[Kate]

Losing ones job or a disaster in your career can be pretty devastating especially for those of us who find a lot of fulfilment and self worth in our careers.

It can be helful to acknowledge how we are feeling at times like this - if there's no-one to talk to. then write it down or even post things here. try to recognise how you are feeling about yourself and what has happened, but remember too that you are a valuable, lovable human being and try to remember and even write down the things about you and your life that are positive. I believe every person is of value, even if their life is falling apart around them.

Your wife certainly seems to be harbouring a lot of anger and resentment, presumably from past conflicts with you. I don't know if it's possible for you to try and see things from her point of view at least to help you to understand her. Perhaps she feels abandoned and burdened with bringing up the children. She is probably very mixed up, which would explain the way she doesn't quite know whether she wants to see you or not.

I guess that if you have had an addiction you may also have been quite emotionally dependent at that stage. Right now, you're first priority is probably getting some work. You can't expect emotional or any other support from her right now, as she doesn't see that as her responsibility. She may well also be worried about money and how she is going to cope. Awful though it may seem, you are going to have to find a way on your own in the short term. Do you have any friends who could give you a bed for a few weeks while you look for work?

If your wife does think you have somemthing to prove to her, then now is your chance. I hope that you can fidn some work and soemwhere to live to get you over this present crisis.

Best wishes

Kate

[trinityamo]

I know exactly how you feel. My husband of a year and a half is doing the exact same thing your wife is, but I am the one who had to leave. We don't have any children, but the situation is suprisingly similar. If you would like, we can become chat mates to support eachother through this difficult time. Write me at mjlse22@msn.com, or trinityamo@yahoo.com.