Hopefull1983
16th September 2010, 10:39 PM
Hi Everyone. I've not been on here for some time now, I wasn't doing too good and thought best to take some time out from discussing things that I had no controll over and live a little so I'm sorry that I haven't been around to offer any help/advice to those who have needed it because I know how much it helped me in my time of need. I hope you're all ok. It's been a year next week since my husband decided he was no longer in love with me, he had developed feelings for one of our best friends and then continued to break my heart over again in more ways than I thought possible.
An update since I was last on here. For those of you who have read my story, you'll know that we worked together (a desk apart) and he had started dating a woman in work. That relationship has now ended and he has also moved to a job upsairs which means I don't have to see him every day which is helping me a lot with getting over him. He's also stopped being the horrible excuse for a man that he became for a while there and is now seemingly more like the man I loved and married...which I don't know if is a good thing or not as it makes it harder to get over him but at the same time it's good to have him back. He's living with some big regrets, he now realises everything we had and has admitted that he wished he had listened this time last year when myself, all of his friends and his family were telling him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life, but at the same time I think he realises that too much has happened for us to get what we had back and the trust is gone for good.
I've booked a 3 week trip to Australia with my friend next year and have decided that January 2012 I'm going to jet off to New Zealand and work there for a year to see if it's somewhere I'd like to live permenantly.
Anyway, my real reason for coming on here was to give you all hope, not necesarily hope that everything will be ok with your husbands/wives/partners (although providing the trust is not lost this is VERY possible), I want to give you hope that time heals. A year ago I was a wreck, I couldn't eat (I lost 3 stone in 6 months....look a lot better for it now though :) ), sleep, talk to anyone, think of anything but my husband and what went wrong, I struggled with just breathing in and out half of the time I was in that much pain, pain from the inside (you all feel it now I know you do, it's a pain that you never even knew was possible until you feel it). I lived in hope that he would come to his senses and I prayed every night that we would have our happily ever after that we had promised each other when we said 'I will'. But 'unfortunately' for me this didn't happen. My husband realised far too late what we had and how much he loved me. Today though, I eat, sleep, talk about things until I'm blue in the face, breath fine and smile A LOT. I wouldn't say I'm truly happy, I believe love is a big part of true happines, however, I'm happy and I survived a severley broken heart and am healing well. iI do still love my husand dearly and wish that all of this hadn't happened, and I do still have bad days don't be under any illusion that time heals that quickly, however, the bad days fewer and are not as bad as the last bad day each time they come around. Time really does heal and if you survive a broken heart you can pretty much handle anything that comes your way in the future because you will be so strong becaue of it.
To those of you working on your marriage, work hard at it, try and drum it into your partner to not do anything that will break your trust that they may regret in the future if it prevents you from being able to work on your marriage and be strong and yourself, don't be a quivering mess because that's not the person your partner fell in love with just try and be strong even if you're dying inside (this could have been a mistake that I made early on).
To those of you who have accepted that it is over and trying to move forwards. Keep yourself occupied but not too occupied, let yourself think and cry every now and then. Make plans for the future, plans for you, things you have always wanted to do. Have a strong support group who know when you're giving them a fake smile and are really cracking up. Try and smile at something each day and listen to Eva Cassidy 'Time is a Healer' A LOT!
A smile uses more muscles than to frown. Be strong and remember everything happens for a reason...even though I'm still clueless as to what my reason was :)
Natalia. x
An update since I was last on here. For those of you who have read my story, you'll know that we worked together (a desk apart) and he had started dating a woman in work. That relationship has now ended and he has also moved to a job upsairs which means I don't have to see him every day which is helping me a lot with getting over him. He's also stopped being the horrible excuse for a man that he became for a while there and is now seemingly more like the man I loved and married...which I don't know if is a good thing or not as it makes it harder to get over him but at the same time it's good to have him back. He's living with some big regrets, he now realises everything we had and has admitted that he wished he had listened this time last year when myself, all of his friends and his family were telling him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life, but at the same time I think he realises that too much has happened for us to get what we had back and the trust is gone for good.
I've booked a 3 week trip to Australia with my friend next year and have decided that January 2012 I'm going to jet off to New Zealand and work there for a year to see if it's somewhere I'd like to live permenantly.
Anyway, my real reason for coming on here was to give you all hope, not necesarily hope that everything will be ok with your husbands/wives/partners (although providing the trust is not lost this is VERY possible), I want to give you hope that time heals. A year ago I was a wreck, I couldn't eat (I lost 3 stone in 6 months....look a lot better for it now though :) ), sleep, talk to anyone, think of anything but my husband and what went wrong, I struggled with just breathing in and out half of the time I was in that much pain, pain from the inside (you all feel it now I know you do, it's a pain that you never even knew was possible until you feel it). I lived in hope that he would come to his senses and I prayed every night that we would have our happily ever after that we had promised each other when we said 'I will'. But 'unfortunately' for me this didn't happen. My husband realised far too late what we had and how much he loved me. Today though, I eat, sleep, talk about things until I'm blue in the face, breath fine and smile A LOT. I wouldn't say I'm truly happy, I believe love is a big part of true happines, however, I'm happy and I survived a severley broken heart and am healing well. iI do still love my husand dearly and wish that all of this hadn't happened, and I do still have bad days don't be under any illusion that time heals that quickly, however, the bad days fewer and are not as bad as the last bad day each time they come around. Time really does heal and if you survive a broken heart you can pretty much handle anything that comes your way in the future because you will be so strong becaue of it.
To those of you working on your marriage, work hard at it, try and drum it into your partner to not do anything that will break your trust that they may regret in the future if it prevents you from being able to work on your marriage and be strong and yourself, don't be a quivering mess because that's not the person your partner fell in love with just try and be strong even if you're dying inside (this could have been a mistake that I made early on).
To those of you who have accepted that it is over and trying to move forwards. Keep yourself occupied but not too occupied, let yourself think and cry every now and then. Make plans for the future, plans for you, things you have always wanted to do. Have a strong support group who know when you're giving them a fake smile and are really cracking up. Try and smile at something each day and listen to Eva Cassidy 'Time is a Healer' A LOT!
A smile uses more muscles than to frown. Be strong and remember everything happens for a reason...even though I'm still clueless as to what my reason was :)
Natalia. x