Did I do something wrong?

[Unregistered]

I was able to have an Attorney come to my mother's house tomorrow night to talk to my parents and I to see what my options are if H files for divorce. However, the only way that I could go over there without my H suspecting anything was to say that my mother invited me and the baby over for dinner.

Well H told his mother and now my MIL is mad at my mother for not including her son. I really don't want to cancel the Attorney but I also don't want there to be tension between my mother and my MIL. I felt that this was the only way that I could meet with the Attorney without H getting suspicious. I never thought that my H would tell his mother and then her getting upset at my mother. This situation is getting worse by the minute.

As a brief history: my husband told me three weeks ago that he no longer loves me, is very unhappy, won't see a Counselor and basically doesn't care what I do anymore. We are barely sleeping with each other. I went to the Counselor anyway and she basically said that there is really no hope.

Did I really mess up?

[Liz]

Unfortunately one lie often leads to another, so perhaps it's best to try and keep everything out in the open in future. Does it matter if your husband knows you are taking legal advice?

I expect your mother in law has sensed there is something wrong and is very concerned. That's her problem, there's no point in worrying now that it is done. It's not really your responsibility to keep the peace between the in-laws.

Did your counsellor really write off your marriage or was she just saying that it would be hard to do anything if your husband wasn't committed to making things work. There is an element of truth in that, but that doesn't mean he won't change his mind. There must be more to your difficulties than him just coming home one day and saying he doesn't love you anymore. Do you know why your husband is very unhappy and what about your marriage has disappointed him? Is there anything that you can do about that?

If you can try and keep talking with your husband and try not to makeany assumptions about what he is thinking and how he is feeling. See if you can get him to tell you.

Is there something in your behaviour and attitudes that you would like to change to make your marriage work better? If there is, then why not do it. It may not make a difference in the end, but if you haven't tried then you may regret it in the future.

You might also think about the changes that having your baby have had on the dynamics of your marriage. It can be one of the key pressure times, when you are adjusting to your new roles, perhaps having doubts about whether you can manage being a mum or a dad, you can both feel tired and pressurised.


There are various places on the site which might help you think this through. You could look at the First Aid Kit (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/) or the Basic relationship Skills (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/) area.

With best wishes

Liz