No point really......

[worldbtp]

Wife wants to divorce, her health issues been getting worse over the years, I've always been there 4 her, but she can't deal with stress very well. 2 weeks ago she wants to divorce, after discussion, it's nothing about me, even says I should lodge divorce proceedings against her citing "unreasonable behavior". She just doesn't cope well with her issues, doesn't talk much about em, and she always takes the last path first (hence divorce rather than discussion / temp separation).

Bloody shame, 10 yrs of marriage and she only can start properly discussing her issues when she's already let it get to her so much. Her health issues have been getting worse over the years, but I've always been there, and have been eating (mostly) her restricted diet so she doesn't see what she is missing out on (etc), but she never seems to cope with any type of stress, no matter how small.

I am making sure she has a tidy / decorated house & a support network of friends around to help her as her family is v. far away as I've done everything for her, she will struggle by herself (thou now I am teaching her all the stuff like food shopping, cars etc), then think mid Oct I'll just buy a car, and drive, starting in Dublin, via UK, France, Germany, north EU to Tallinn, St Petersburg then south EU countries etc. Any1 want to come ? Won't be returning to Dublin, anywhere but......

[Annie]

Maybe this is just a cry for help, I m no expert but it seems like that to me, you will get loads of support and advice on here, it is invaluable to me at the moment
Ann
x

[worldbtp]

I don't really know if it's a cry for help, her family is in Russia, she struggles to properly discuss with any1 anything, she "just wants to be alone" - she does most things the opposite to what ye would expect, and struggles to discuss truly, so not sure what else I can do. I'm just sitting here in tears myself, only thing keeping me sane is making sure she's safe & happy enuf to cope alone, stuff like house is comfortable for her, she is happy parking the car (never could do it), then think i'll just be getting in a car to go somewhere.

[So alone]

Hi wbtp,

Please try and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I know there are others aside from me who are here and as much as you feel it as you are crying in front of your monitor, we are here too.
I can empathise with you as I have spent many many nights crying, alone and only with the computer for company. I have felt very lost and very vulnerable and never dreamt in a million years that I could possibly feel any better but I have - albeit a little bit.

I've just come home and logged on but don't want you to feel as if you are on your own right now.

Sending you lots of support x

[Raymond]

What sort of upbringing did she have parental wise Worldbtb? Was there lots of nurture about? Could be she wants and needs your help but there may be some self rejection there.

Raymond

[chosen]

Have you said that you dont want to divorce her, and that you want the both of you to have counselling together? She cant divorce you against your will for 5 years after seperation, so you do have a choice.
If she cant cope with stress, then how will she deal with a divorce, and deal with all the days to day stresses alone? She now has you to do everything, then she will have no one. It seems she is thinking that being alone will be easier, it isnt, believe me.

[Bikerboy]

My wife still won't discuss her issues with me after being gone 5 months.
She now wants to get all the money she can from me.

Think I might be tempted to come with you!

Bikerboy

[worldbtp]

Thanks all for the words.

Raymond,
Her upbringing was not totally stable, she left Russia 16yrs old, been in UK then ireland ever since, seeing her parents every year, she always missed her family, I always wanted us to move closer to them but she never could decide. Her parents had problems when she was 14 - 20 and that seems to have affected her in closeting her own issues and not dealing with stresses.

Chosen,
I've said that, thou when it was clear she wanted it, she was quite surprised about my supportive reactions over the last 2 weeks, she expected me to pack up and go back to the UK. We had a chat, and there's no real reason for this. She always takes the opposite route to a solution I would do, hence the request for speedy papers (that I lodge against her), if she's so keen for it (that takes away a stress for her - uncertainty, will it work out or not? so papers means she doesn't have to think about it), then the way I look at it is having a friend afterwards is better than no-one.

At this stage my career went on hold for the last 14 months due to doing what she wanted, so have to get that back on track fast.

Bikerboy,
no probs!

[Helen_uk]

Has your wife ever had any psychological counselling ? I think she would benefit from a course of CBT.

It seems she uses avoidance techniques in order to prevent having to deal with things and at the moment one of them is you. I don't mean you're the cause but you are a technique she's using.

Look at it this way , you love this woman so much that when she tells you she wants a divorce, you go about making it as easy for her as possible. The exact opposite of how most men would react. It's lovely that you love her so much, but it really isn't helping her.

Stress is a fact of life and none of us can avoid it, at some point she will have to learn to cope with it. Even if you petition for divorce as she requests there are still going to be stresses to deal with , and then afterwards she will have to cope with living alone, and that's an awful lot harder than having someone who loves you there doing things for you and protecting you. Or are you planning to stay on in a friendly capacity for the rest of your life ?

If you really want to save your marriage , you have to give your wife a taste of what being divorced and single again really means . Show her it isn't going to be that easy. Stop making it easy for her .

I'm not sure , when you say she has health issues if you mean in a physical sense ? If so then being alone is going to be harder for her . .... if they are psychological health problems even more so.

Of course if she really wants the marriage to end then you can't prevent her feeling that way , but I don't think she does. It seems more an attempt to not have to discuss her feelings by pushing you away .

If it were me, I think I'd be tempted to back off a bit and let her see how much she benefits from having you around.

[worldbtp]

Hi Helen,

She's never had any form of counselling, not her type of thing, too much taking about problems. In the past if I upset her, she'd be silent for 2 days, cry a little, and then 2 days later I might find out what the issue was, typically very minor stuff that a prod at the time would have mitigated any upset feelings in the first place.

Agree with rest of your post. Physical issue, intolerance to food, been getting worse over the 10 years, now down to (all boiled) meat / rice / eggs / potatoes / carrots, so the diet issue has been not good for her. She was recently told by Russian doc (she won't get a second opinion in UK or IRL) that 3 years of this diet should solve her intestine problem. As diet was getting worse, so was mood, irritability and generally not dealing with stress, and this new diet is painful to follow. Hospital visits the last two summers in Russia (each 2 weeks) were not nice for her & she was made to take medicines & procedures that frankly I questioned the gains from the pains, but she trusts her Russian docs but I think they do as much camera work & biopsies because each few days in there costs us a grand.

Think it'll be a good step after my road trip, I'm planning to live near Belgium / Lux, I don't speak French but ideal way to learn! She wants to visit every so often wherever I go, so the space apart would give her a chance to be alone. I won't be rushing into another rel' but when I leave then it's a new start, can't be sitting like this wondering if / when / how, too hurtful for me, once I buy that car then I'm gone to a place that looks nice on Google Earth. Suppose I'm trying to deal with this in the positive of everything, thinking about what nice place I can find for myself in 6 - 8 weeks (hence road trip, see places). That also gives me time to be alone, far from any1 I know.

Tx.

[Helen_uk]

I think it's a good thing to look for positives for your own sake , the situation is out of your control and you really do have to look out for yourself .

As to her food intolerances... her symptoms sound very much like IBS which of course is made worse by emotional problems .... Such a restrictive diet over a long period of time is not good for her physical or psychological health as I'm sure you know. I think you were right to be concerned. However, she's an adult and a second opinion can't be forced onto her.

Your road trip sounds like an excellent idea , as is moving away .I think you've very much got to look after yourself now and it will give you both some space. You sound very sad about it all, which of course you will be, but handling things the best way you can .

I can only wish you the very best of luck, and of course a safe journey !

Helen .

[UpandDown]

Hi worldbtp

It sounds like you've been an amazing husband. When I had ME my husband was wonderful to me, however, the result was that my life got smaller and smaller and I just got worse and worse. I couldn't cope with stress either. CBT helped a bit, but the main thing that helped me was reverse therapy (www.reverse-therapy.com (http://www.reverse-therapy.com)) however you do have to be willing to get to the bottom of things.

I think it's great you are leaving her to it for a bit. It might be the making of her. I have no doubt her health problems are very real and very debilitating but as Helen pointed out, some illnesses do have a link with the emotions and can be exacerbated. In my case, my ME got worse and worse the more I concentrated on the symptoms and didn't address the cause.

I just also wanted to echo what other people have said about how it's good you are looking at the positives for you and making plans for you for the future.

Good luck with it.
Love Kathryn
x

[worldbtp]

Tx all for comments & suggestions. Nice that I found this place sooo fast! Think it's a big credit to you all (& this site) the kind support you all offer newbies, especially when people might be going thru their own issues.

People are right on her health issues, Kathryn and Helen. There's not much I can do for her anymore thou to help there, currently showing her how to cook for her diet needs.

Positive is a must for me, it's been my life since uni, 10 years, so without independent people like you guys giving helpful comments, I could see myself having lost all will (hence my Googl'ing for this type of site), not communicating at all, and that'll upset her totally, and we both just go downhill. She has a good career, I want to leave her happy so her work is not affected much. I'll pick my career up when I leave. She is well happy that I'm being understanding & supportive, she planned to spend the week in bed if I just flipped out & left as she expected. I'm happy that she's doing well in this, suppose my emotions will kick in when I actually leave, tend to do that myself away from family when it's like this.

Have to stop sitting here at night mulling things, gonna hit the gym tomorrow, first time in years, as it'll do me no good to keep this one up. Problem is to sleep, can't yet do that, now 2 weeks. I won't go back home {where brought up}, too many people I know. She has the run of the house (familiar surroundings, thou joint equity), so I'm looking forward to only new people. Pack my life in a car, probably a VW Passat 4 litre to have some fun, and just drive......

Flying to UK / Birmingham to lodge papers on Tues, still don't like the idea that she wants me to cite "unreasonable behavior" on her part, but needs must, and I don't want to stop her achieving what she wants.

Thanks all again.

Pete.

(wish I could change my username worldbtp to something not anonymous - admin?)

[Annie]

pete, I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your story has a happy ending for both of you. You sound like a lovely bloke...maybe men are nt all so bad, and |I totally agree with you , there are some special people on this site.
ann
xx

[UpandDown]

Hi Pete

I wish you all the luck in the world too Citing "unreasonable behaviour" on divorce papers is just a means to an end and means nothing as long as she doesn't contest which she obviously won't. Perhaps it would be better for you to consider waiting the 2 years though instead? You've probably thought it all through but just the fact that you're not happy about the divorce coupled with the fact you're going to have this period of time apart when her feelings could change, makes me think waiting might be more prudent?

Don't worry about getting everything perfect and sorted before you go. It's commendable you showing her how to do everything and I know it will make you feel better, but in the long run it might be better for her to muddle through herself. Just be aware that you have to draw the line at some point - maybe only do the minimum you feel you need to rather than absolutely everything? If you help her too much she won't learn to ask others for help and you'll remain her only support.

Having said that I don't know the ins and outs of your situation so that last paragraph might not be right. It's just what I learnt from my own experiences.

I hope you have a good flight to Birmingham (?) and you get to spend some time with people who know you. I know you want to get away and see new people and that's great, but you need a support mechanism in place with friends and family who know you well to fall back on.

And there ends the lecture!
Love Kathryn
x

[Helen_uk]

Hi Pete,

Personally I think you've done all you can, and possibly too much. By trying to make things easy for her, you may be making things harder in the long run . That's just my thoughts, but of course you know the situation best .

From what you've said she wants to keep you in her life as a friend , be wary of being a leaning post as you also need to have a life. I think maybe if she had to live a little uncomfortably with the decision she's made she may realize what she's lost. Stress isn't something that can be avoided and a little stress is needed in life to help us learn from things.

Your trip sounds like a great adventure , but don't shut out friends and family , one day you might need a shoulder yourself !

Take care.

Helen .

[chosen]

Hi Pete,

Personally I think you've done all you can, and possibly too much. By trying to make things easy for her, you may be making things harder in the long run . That's just my thoughts, but of course you know the situation best .

From what you've said she wants to keep you in her life as a friend , be wary of being a leaning post as you also need to have a life. I think maybe if she had to live a little uncomfortably with the decision she's made she may realize what she's lost. Stress isn't something that can be avoided and a little stress is needed in life to help us learn from things.

Your trip sounds like a great adventure , but don't shut out friends and family , one day you might need a shoulder yourself !

Take care.

Helen .

I think that it is pretty selfish actually for a spouse to say they dont want to be married to you anymore but still want you as a friend (as in they still want you to do things for them and help them out.) I think that is a real cheek.
Actually my husbands ex did that. After their divorce she still wanted to be 'mates'(as in will you keep coming round and doing things for me) even though she had an affair and divorced him, and she expected him to agree.
Even when we met it carried on, until a year after we married we both decided that enough was enough and he cut off all contact with her, except in the case of a possible emergency concerning one of their sons (bearing in mind that their sons were both adults by then).
She wants you to lean on, but without having to be a good wife. All take but no give. If a person wants a divorce then why do they think that can still use you?They have made their choice surely?

I have a book about divorce and the man who wrote is is called Jim Smoke. He started the divorce recovery workshops and he has enormous experience of counselling couples who are divoring, or have divorced, and the recovery needed. He says that the less the couple can see each other the better it is for their healing and recovery, and they should only see each other when they absolutely HAVE to ie when collecting or dropping off children etc. He says that its much harder to move on when there is contact.

[Helen_uk]

Hi chosen,

Yes I completely agree , unless a marriage has broken up totally amicably and both parties agree it's over - which is rare - I think no contact certainly helps you recover . If there are no children involved making contact necessary then it's much , much easier to recover if you don't have to see your ex.

I think Pete is a very nice person and is doing his best to make life comfortable for the woman he still loves... I'm just not sure that's going to help either of them in the long run.

[worldbtp]

All sounds common sense. I posted something around 1am, then deleted it 6am - too emotional really to be subjective so removed it, summary is, my own support options are very limited really. Local in IRL and where I grew up, lots of (old) friends via work or personal, but can't go back, not good environment where I grew up, and out of touch & distance issues with most prior work friends (most in IRL which I'm leaving), our joint friends I've got her to talk to giving her support (if I didn't, she wouldn't have anyone in IRL), so when I move away then I'll worry about me.

[Helen_uk]

Hi Pete,

I'm not sure it's possible to be subjective in your position , must be really tough right now.

I really do hope you manage to find some peace of mind and more than that , enjoy your trip . It's bound to be a hugely emotional time for you but you've shown such strength of character in all that you've done so far I'm sure you'll be just fine in time.

I don't have a good family support network myself , my mum having left when I was small and my dad now re-married and getting on with his own life... My childhood was quite abusive and in fact my mum and I are only just talking again after a big fall out a couple of years ago , my friends are my family these days, and my 2 grown up sons .

As you're going to be transient for a while though it might mean making new friends is difficult , but there are always people around on the forum if you can get internet access and feel like talking. Never feel you have to be isolated !

Helen

[worldbtp]

Thanks Helen, yes, the forum is great.

Music is a great expression of feelings, been going thru the collection all day whilst she's at work, this one sums me up.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE&feature=channel

Crushed, basically.

:(

I played that for over 12 hours on repeat that day, if you don't know the song, really listen to the lyrics, every word, it covers everything. X person, that was going thru my mind when I crashed the car with you in it the other day. That's how hard this is, how unexpected, but I took solace in deciding it best to to move far away from anyone I know.

[Helen_uk]

Oh Pete :(

Yeah , I think we've all done the song thing , I know I did . The couple of songs that used to get me were Evanescence's "My Immortal " and a song by Black Sabbath called" She's gone ".

But you know what ? 3 years down the line I can listen to them without crying, and that's a big step forward for me.

My ex only left my life totally in the last few months , before that he still lived in the house we shared with my 2 adult sons ( not his kids ) whilst I moved out a year after we officially split , that year we had to share the house was torture so it took a long time for me to recover properly. 2 months ago he finally left and disappeared into thin air, but that's ok . I needed him to do that .

I've no idea where he is now , no doubt making some other woman's life a misery !

I've always used music as a way to get my emotions sorted , but I'm glad to say my heart no longer contracts when I hear those 2 songs , still feels a bit sad but no more tears.

I don't think you can just stop loving someone , no matter what they feel or do , but you can heal and move on.

[gettinthere]

Hi Pete

I can understand where you're coming from. 3 years later I'm gettin' there. When we first separated we still remainded friends for the sake of our grown children. However, I just want him to rack off and leave me alone, his idea of friendship is control using his family to spy on me and drag out settlement, his last letter to my lawyer is laughable as he's now trying to tell my lawyer how to do his job. Anyway enough about me, if you have no real deep family ties taking a road trip is a great idea, why stay stuck somewhere that has no real meaning for you. Though this forum and by moving away from where I lived I've developed a great support network and couldn't be happier. Travel not only broadens the mind it opens your heart.

I don't think you can just stop loving someone , no matter what they feel or do , but you can heal and move on.

Helen thank you for your words of wisdom, I'm almost there also the same goes with the music thing, I can now here "our" songs and not cry, just feel a touch of sadness for what once was.

[worldbtp]

Papers submitted, managed composure.

Called a certain person so they feel I'm not shutting em out (not the wife), response from em was an enthusiastic "Congratulations!!", like I actually wanted it, like I got a new job...... Think ye can work out from previous posts where that came from and why I will go somewhere new. Disappointing comment really for me to get.

In "The Clock" by Brum Airport, last day of feeling sorry for myself before sorting stuff out before I leave in a few weeks..... Have to get into a positive schedule from tomorrow, gym, finish house, study, so I can go soon, then pick up the career.

Gonna talk to the wife when she picks me up from the airport, say I understand she might well move on and my work today gives her that space she wants, and this will help me become a stronger person in future, fix my quirks, more aware of a woman's needs, and if in a year or two, if she doesn't meet any1 new, she might well like the new me, "is that something that could be on the agenda and I'll not be upset if it's a no?".

18 months ago, she gave me the "Men from Mars, Women from Venus" book by her, never read it, was too busy at work, think that was the hint, if only there were better comms my way I could've done stuff and other things. Now, I'll read it. Tonight I'll also ack'ge the other hints I got but only now realise their true importance and effect on her. My mate who I helped with a similar situation (but not as extreme), read the book, went thru CBT etc, now sorted, but he actually got the chance to have points made to him, and address them.

[EDIT] - wife always gave me her novels, but never said the importance of this book, just left it on my (already) packed bookshelf.

Pete.

[worldbtp]

Gonna talk to the wife when she picks me up from the airport, say I understand she might well move on and my work today gives her that space she wants, and this will help me become a stronger person in future, fix my quirks, more aware of a woman's needs, and if in a year or two, if she doesn't meet any1 new, she might well like the new me, "is that something that could be on the agenda and I'll not be upset if it's a no?".

Didn't do, realised it's an uncertainty, and as she needs space, that not gonna help.

[Helen_uk]

Hi Pete,

That must have been a hard thing to do when it isn't what you want.

To be honest I think your wife is so wrapped up in her own needs at the moment that she won't really take in anything you say as regards the future , maybe it's time you started to focus on you ?

Helen

[worldbtp]

I worked it all out, passed across to friend to help out the situation and I step off the train now it's understood.
Happy, it's for the best, nothing I can or should do about it, stopped getting upset when pieces fell into place and it's not typical the reasons for this type of stuff, unfortunate but now I understand it, happy, moving on.

Cryptic I know but that's all I can say, now sleeping much better & going to gym.

[worldbtp]

Rather, not happy with the situation, at all,

But happy in myself, understand it, stronger person now, so can move on to a new life.

Big difference.

Still gonna be hard, probably when car is packed and hit the port, when on the autobahn expect I'll be going very fast.

Planned trip round, route in order :

IRL Leinster - Ulster -> Belfast ferry
UK Manchester - Leicester - Bath - Oxford - London -> chunnel
France Tours - Bordeaux - Albi - Lyon - Strasbourg ->
Italy Torino - Milano ->
Germany Munich - Nurburgring - Magdeburg - Berlin - Bremen - Koln ->

to a flat in Trier Germany or Metz France, then stuff onwards.

Fancy a coffee any1 en-route, take our minds off this? useless gossip?

[worldbtp]

I have some interesting new info in my case, can't say big details publically. It's not gonna change anything, I won't be going back even if asked, wife needs to start talking about her little items to date, refused to do with me, her friends or family. Appears to be living in own world.

She does have lots to lose, so I try and help her as much as possible, but she'll never know this (still, she can't talk about what she went thru, but I've worked it all out best as poss with outside help).

Problem here is I need someone, a Doctor of sorts, not like a GP visit, but someone who will sit down for 1 hr max & listen to what I have. Ideally, needs to be familiar with digestive issues / Gastroenterology, drug therapy, ideally have an idea about "undiagnosed disorders". Think psychological trauma early on in life, blocked, developing digestive issues, all tests negative, and a reaction to drug therapy giving a devastating change.

Willing to travel to someone if they can make time, buy them lunch & game of golf is all I can do at this stage.

I move out in 10 days, so on my travels if there is someone I can speak to, distance in EU isn't really a problem for me, just don't know any1. Found great US M.D.'s who would be perfect, but unless you pay lots, no chance.

When I'm thru this, might try and post back a few constructive comments, like I received myself !

Any suggestions ?

Cheers,
Pete.

[Helen_uk]

I would think that would be a difficult thing to do without paying to see someone in private practice. What you could do is try googling support groups that match the symptoms you describe and see if anyone has experience of similar problems.

Most doctors won't discuss symptoms without seeing the patient or without a patients instructions.

There is a wealth of knowledge out there though so you might strike lucky.

How are things going for you ?

Helen

[worldbtp]

Tx Helen.

Physically am dead now, struggle to walk without wobbling in the evenings, almost double figure days not sleeping at the start of this, now 4 weeks of really hard work keeping her on track. As she wanted (divorce) to "be alone", been trying to wean her off my services, cleaning, cooking for her specific diet, and give her space after her stress blow ups, i.e. I do the biz for us both, day2day, financials etc, then go with a mate somewhere, then come back at midnight. Saw she does not eaten for a day or more if I leave her to ehr own devices, or didn't make herself food for next day at work when I get back at midnight, so sat up thru night cooking for her unique diet. Note, she cannot eat outside. Then getting up making her breakfast, in all means I get a few hours sleep at most, every day.

Was interesting recently, went thru a "cold" spell, trying to push me away emotionally, be rather verbally nasty, due to her work stress and influence of single bitter friends that say do X or Y to him, he'll go, note I do feel that she is trying to push me away when she is down because she knows she has hurt me. I stayed, though not in her face at all, got her thru her work deadline, and she appreciates it. Had to chauffeur her as well, else she would be really dangerous in the car, literally, crash *my* car as well as killing herself in the process of driving tired, upset, crying, emotional, she really is a novice when it comes to driving or common sense.

Wife is thru her work deadline, has received support she doesn't realise where it came from ;-) , so really is still happily married (but divorcing) life here, best of times we had, conversations, etc, that's how strange it is.

Thinking of upping sticks in a few days, for a week, get away, jusy too tired to keep this support level up for the next 10 days until I am scheduled to move out, think I need a break.

[worldbtp]

Figured I'd give this positive update...

Did my road trip, 3 weeks worth, skirted round Ireland, UK midlands / south UK to Lille, Belgium, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Hague, Luxembourg, Bremen, Strasbourg, Baden-Baden spa, Trier, Switzerland, Torino & back etc (amongst many other smaller locations), day flights to Barcelona & Faro, saw friends along the way, took a few for parts of the trip. 9500km on the car. Was lovely, great photos, met some great new people along the way as well. Back in Ireland for 2 weeks now, 1 week left.

I'm well settled in myself, and now back for a short while in an empty house, can deal with helping the W in whatever she needs one last time, she has a new flat. Was interesting for me that when I hit Ireland again, started getting late night calls about being stressed over little life things, upset, but am now much able to help without getting affected by it. I still wish her well and will always remember the good times we had. Once I leave, then it's a complete new start, and new mobile numbers.

I've been flicking thru a few recent posts of others, at mo, no time to contribute, but one point to say is that for those who are going thru hard times, the best thing to do is look after yourself, be strong, and you will then be in a position to try and recover from your predicament with whatever route you desire. Clear, calm etc. E.g. recent post about someone having alcohol / upset issues at partner friends etc. If you desire to try and fix something, look after yourself, bring yourself up, and you will be in the best position to try. Hopefully you get the outcome you want. If it doesn't work that way, you are already a much stronger person.

For me, what's left, is a new start on 28/11, leaving Ireland for the last time, positive, not worried about anything, have a plan, just have not yet decided on location. 3 month study sabbatical now. Might stay in south UK, or Estonia, either way, one quick trip to see 2 friends again in Strasbourg & Hague after leaving Ireland, then decide middle Dec where to go.

Bikerboy - you would've enjoyed it !! 220kph Lux -> Trier with 89p/litre diesel.

Tx 2 XLCX KK AR DC CC amongst others, even thou they'll never see this, they know they were great.....

[worldbtp]

attached files, start.jpg, in Luxembourg (first time), car clean & bike attached. end.jpg, back in Ireland, dirty car, no bike - the bike was coming off at high speeds, had to leave it in Lux on the 2nd trip there... oops.

road part of the trip (v. rough) : http://bit.ly/dlAnKN

Faro, Barcelona, St Emillion & Paris via plane.

[Helen_uk]

Hi Pete,
I was only wondering the other day how your trip went, good to hear you enjoyed it . I think you've handled the whole thing really well with compassion but also with an eye to your own future . At the end that's all any of us can hope for .

I hope things work out well , both for you and your wife .
Helen

[worldbtp]

Little update I suppose.... all fine, cordial, supportive, nisi I'm told will be stamped middle next month, 6 weeks later is absolute.

Helping her move to UK at some point.

Most confusing time of my life that was :confused: (at the time) but now rather interestingly calm.