View Full Version : How to learn to retrust
12th June 2002, 06:29 PM
I can't deny I am currently engaged to a wonderful man. All in all our relationship has been fantastic, except for thing I just can't fully get past. This past winter I found out that he was still married. Not in the sense that they are still together, in fact as of now the marriage is now no longer, the divorce just went through. He told me he kept it from me because it was a second failed marriage and he was ashamed of not being able to hold a marriage.
He since has told me everything about it and I have no reason to believe that he has since lied to me about anything else, But now I find myself always questioning him and what he tells me. How does one rebuild that trust? And how do I know when to go with my gut and what is paranoia? I am so afraid of being blindsided again, I find myself analyizing way more than is necessary.
13th June 2002, 04:18 PM
I have been married to my husband for 15 years and with him for 17, I trusted him as one trust another, if you know him and you feel as if you are being included in his life........completely.....and I don't mean with each other everyday, every second. You know that you can trust him to do the best and worst he can do.
I recently found out that ( I allowed this, so 50% me too) that he choose to exclude me from everything in his life except the bed room. I can say that a man that can tell what is truly on his mind is a GOD send........and if you are ever going to learn to retrust him.............you need to realize, that your expectations are yours and not his.(and visa-versa)......unless you both make the effort to express what your expectations are...........and both learn to live up to them. (you bith have to understand that even when you are a couple, and a part of each other that you both have other aspects of life to attend to.
The first part to trust is communication, the second is time.........and the third is to trust yourself, and your decisions to stay with the one you love.
15th June 2002, 04:57 PM
I would say that trust is a decision that you make and it always involves a risk, but we take risks everyday. When we send our car in for a service we trust the mechanic will return it to us safe to drive.
We can never be sure that the one we love will not let us down, anymore than we can eb sure that we will never hurt them.
For more ideas on this subject have a look at Kate's article (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/).
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