Memories are hard to forget

[LT83]

Hey guys,

Its been a while since I was here and you will be happy to know that I am happy and well and my life is as good as it could be. For those of you who dont know my story it runs along the lines of the thread title "Married for 5 months and now wife wants a divorce". its been about 6 months since the divorce came through and almost 2 years since we have been separated.

Basically Im back because I wanted some advice from the more experienced folk on here. Like I say everything is great in my life relatively speaking. But every so often, (like once in a blue moon), i seem to think of my ex and I do things like Google her name or search her on facebook. I dont know what I would be looking for but I dont find anything anyway. Then I feel stupid.

I guess what Im wondering is whether she thinks about me or is it me that is just taking longer to heal from the scars. I havent seen her since the day she walked out on me. Part of me (very small part) misses her just momentarily.

I would prefer not to feel this way. Does this slowly but evaporate. I dont want to care anymore.

[Wiggle]

Hi,

It will get less with time, but I suppose we never forget someone we've been very close to for a period of time. I still wonder what my boyfriend of 7 years ago is doing, if he's married etc and search his name on the 'net- and we broke up over 10 years ago!

It's only been 6 months since your divorce came through, so in a way I'd mark 'recovery' time from then. It's only from then that you've been free of a constant reminder of her hanging over your head.

Live life & have fun!

Axxx

[Hopefull1983]

Hello LT83, I'm not necesarily 'more experienced' but I can offer advice. I too had only been married a short time (1 year...together for almost 9 years) when my husband decided that the grass was going to be greener or that he wanted to be 18 again and do all of the things he didn't do then. You can read my ongoing journey on here so I wont' go into details but basically he broke my heart over and over again for 6 months plus. It's been 10 months for me now and I feel good. We're not divorced yet but I have asked him to start proceedings. I'm unfortnate enough to have to work in the same office (a desk away to be precise) from my ex so I don't really have to wonder what (or who for that matter) he's 'do-ing', however I do often sit at home and something will remind me of our time together, a song, a place we had travelled together (which happens often since we took a year out and travelled the world), a favourite programme etc etc....

My advice to you, if you feel happy and you're finished greiving then embrace the memories. If something reminds you of your ex wife don't jump on google or facebook or any other social network and search for her, just sit and reminisce with a smile and enjoy thinking of the good times you had together. When the moment is over, remember how much pain you felt when she left you and be thankful that you are no longer suffering and embrace your current happy frame of mind.

Will you always care? I don't know, I really don't, I do know that I still love and care for my husband enormously. Do I still love him and care for him as much as I did this time last year...hell no! I love him and care for him because he was a big part of my life for so many years, because we shared so many happy times and experiences together, because I wouldn't be the woman that I am today if it hadn't been for everything I've been through with him (while we were together and since we broke up). I don't love him and care for him becuase I want him in my life as my husband again though and that's what I have to tell myself every time I have a sad moment when I dwell on the past and wonder what he's doing or if he's thinking of me.

Be strong and keep rebuilding your new life and embrace your new chapter.

Don't beat yourself up for caring, that's who you are...it might never go away so just let yourself care but know that you've healed (probably still are) and are ok.

Eva Cassidy - Time is a Healer - HAVE A LISTEN!

Natalia. x