2-in-2-4

[Unregistered]

Having recently returned from a short tour in Saudi Arabia my beautiful wife of 17 years informed me that she is pregenant and the baby is her co-workers. We could have gone together to Miami, but she refused so, I had no choice. We never had children (I didn't know she wanted any) and we never thought we would. She claims she thought she was bearen and could'nt get pregnant. I am devistated by it all - had no clue, thought all was well on the homefront. She says she loves me and always will, but she is afraid I will always bring this up - throw it in her face etc... I have never and would never dream of cheating on her. She is keeping the baby, claims she'll put the baby in daycare and get back to work ASAP...
She says it is over with him, but I don't know. He probably has more rights than I do at this point. I can't believe this has happened.... I am hanging on - though. God doesn't give us more than we can handle - right?

[Kate]

You've had a huge shock, so don't deny that you have strong feelings and are hurting. God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but He knows that life can be very hard at times and we can need help to cope.

There is a whole section on the site about infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/). You might look through the articles and books there for some insights on how we react to infidelity and how we can handle it. In particular Peggy Vaughan's excellent article about Common patterns in dealing with Affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/patternaffair.html)

One of the biggest challenges is to forgive (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffhurtforg/forgive/) our partner and that takes time, patience, courage and loads of grace. It's obviously an issue for your wife - she's concerned that you won't be able to forgive her. That could be a cry for reassurance that you will go on loving her. It sounds as though she's got everything figured out, but that could just be a defense mechanism to help her cope with what she has done.

I hope that some of the resources here will help you to get your head round what has happened and find hope for the future.

With best wishes

Kate