love and in love

[Unregistered]

Is there a difference of being in love and love? My husband tells me he loves me but not in love with me. Confused

[jante]

Hi I've heard that phrase as have many who's husbands want to separate for some reason or other. Other sites refer to it as the alien speaking or being in a fog. Basically they are trying to justify their behaviour. Has your husband said anything else??
JANTE

[Dave]

Dear Confused

Yes there is a difference - indeed at our own wedding the preist spoke eloquently about it!!

Ususally when people talk about being "in love" they are referring to the Romance that occurs at the start of a relationship. Usually after a period, the romance starts to fade - sometimes its just replaced by dsillusionment (I guess this is what Jante is referring to below), but if you DECIDE to love, then you can go on to a whole deeper level of intimacy and joy.

There are a couple of useful articles on the site - take a look at "All you need is love!" (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/loveis/) and also "Feelings" (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/feelings/). both of which may help you understand this more.

Probably the most helpful thing to do is to explore with your hubby what HE means by the remarks - explore the issues together - its a chance to learn more about your special man!

Dave

[Unregistered]

He filed a divorce now. I can't lose him! He has another woman and it has gone to far.

[Liz]

He seems pretty determined to follow his feelings rather than his original commitment to you. I wonder what will happen when he stops feeling "in love" with this other woman.

Many people feel helpless when their husband or wife decides they are going to walk away. You can hold onto your own commitment and show that you want him back and don't want a divorce, and hope that he sees what he is losing.

Is he open to listen to you and have you had a chance to talk to him?

Don't give up as long as there is a glimmer of hope.

Liz

[Unregistered]

Just my 2 cents, but if if he's already giving you the old b.s. line about "loving" you but not being "in love" with you, then he's just trying to let you down easy. and now he's filed for divorce. What do you mean "you can't lose him"? I know this may sound cold, but honey, let him go. cut your losses and once the pain is a little easier to deal with, get on with your life. This guy doesn't appreciate you, he's selfish, immature and obviously has no respect for the sanctity of marriage. I "couldn't lose" my husband either, it was just so upsetting to even think about. So, for many years, I excused his behavior. Now, that I have complete self-respect, and have lost a lot of the respect I once had for my husband, I now wish that he WOULD leave me!