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dopeep
7th June 2010, 03:57 PM
My wife and I have been married for 11 years and have 3 children. We married at a young age, I was 20 and my wife was 17. Like most marriages we have been through tough and trying times but we have always worked through it and become stronger as a result. We both believe we are solid as a rock and nothing can break us. Last year my wife met a woman who became a good friend to her, she was unmarried but had a partner (mr x). Together we became fairly good friends and socialised together occasionally. Unfortunately this couple broke up and my wife’s friend moved in with a new man. My wife and I have stayed in contact with both but have been split between them and it has been difficult for us. Mr x has been welcomed in our home on a number of occasions and we have been there for him during a difficult time, I was there to comfort him when he was upset and refused to visit my wife’s friends new partner out of respect to him.
I went along to a barbq of mr x without my wife a couple of weeks ago and had a great time. The following week we were invited back to another social gathering but we couldn’t get a babysitter so my wife went alone. Mr x walked my wife home at the end of the night, he kissed her on the cheek and then on the lips, then he grabbed her and snogged her, my wife backed off and told him she had to go but then he snogged her again. My wife did reciprocate the kiss, and I think she may have reciprocated more than she has told me. After the second kiss my wife turned to leave and mr x said “look what you have done to me” mr x was aroused. As soon as my wife came through the door she told me. Naturally I hit the roof, I felt betrayed by mr x who I considered a friend and had respect for. My wife was very drunk and fell asleep very quickly without giving many details about the event. I sent mr x a txt saying “good night, what’s going on?” The following morning my wife heard a txt message being received on my phone while I was still sleeping, mr x replied “good morning, yes good night, got your txt didn’t understand”. To my anger my wife replied as me saying “alright mr x, sent txt to you instead of (wife) cos you are next to her on my phone. (wife) was very drunk and suffering, sorry I didn’t make it, have a good weekend”. I have wanted to see Mr x to speak to him and ask him why, so he knows that I know and what he has done is unacceptable and morally wrong. My wifes approach is to ignore him, not speak to him and cut all ties.
I feel this makes me look like a coward or mr x may think that I don’t know about it so he can try again. I have been through a range of emotions and keep picturing the scene in my head. I feel sick thinking about it and not sure what to do next (for the best).
Any advice/tips appreciated
Thank you

Raymond
9th June 2010, 01:04 PM
The answer is to face to face Mr X. He has obviously betrayed your friendship and trust. You need to do that fast. Your wife is embarrassed because under the influence she was almost responding although I don't think she meant to. You need to be very firm here as it was an awful thing to do by Mr X. Do it quickly.

Raymond

dander
9th June 2010, 01:26 PM
just stay very calm when you do so - you can't undo what was done, and you have more to lose by a heated confrontation than he does.

Doesn't sound like this guy was a close friend so I would be very cold and emotionless and tell him why he is no longer part of your lives. Then cut all ties.

koliver0821
9th June 2010, 06:11 PM
100% agree with Dander. Not need to go face to face. Just end it but make sure your wife is "on the same plan".

TheSteve
10th June 2010, 02:45 AM
Unfortunately in this day and age if you stand up for you and yours then you are nothing more than a knuckle dragging Neanderthal.

My honest answer would be...

A - Try it your wife's way.
B - If your wife's way doesn't work then warn him off.
C - If that doesn't work then smack him in the mouth - he'll run for the hills and find an easier, less painful target.

I'm not going to win any friends with that answer but I know this much. If i'd kicked some butt 5 years ago I might be still living under the same roof as my children. Depends how much you value your wife and children compared to how much you value being politically correct and being liked.

Raymond
10th June 2010, 08:51 AM
I don't think you have to beat him up but there should be a direct facing up to him (yes it can be by phone or whatever) and telling him to keep away from your wife. I can't see any other way. Letting your wife do it would make her vulnerable.

Raymond

dander
10th June 2010, 09:33 AM
Sorry - I agree with raymond that you need to talk to him face to face. Just do it carefully for your sake not his. Now I'm not saying I wouldn't be tempted to a more physical confrontation but it really isn't worth the risk of the potential consequences.

Definitely don't think you can just ignore it - these things need resolving clearly and I'd be very definite about the fact your wife has done a 'bad thing' but that you forgive her. You don't forgive this joker who initiated it.

S4dB0y
10th June 2010, 10:49 AM
Definitely talk to him about it, without a doubt but whatever he says don't get physical with him. That would just give him the perfect excuse to not only play the sympathy card with you W but also to call the police and have you arrested for assault,leaving your W in an even more vulnerable position. Just tell him you know, warn him to stay away and then cut all ties.

dopeep
10th June 2010, 11:25 AM
Thanks everyone for your replies.

I know I have nothing to worry about with my wife, Mr x is 29 years older than her! I think he was just trying his luck. He has no morals and piled her with alcohol that night with the intention of doing what he did.
The good thing is that after I calmed down my wife and I have talked about it and she has been honest with me, I have told her exactly how I feel and she has done the same, everything is out in the open and I believe her.

Raymond
10th June 2010, 12:50 PM
No more parties with Mr X I hope. I trust you will not associate with him any more. I still think he ought to know that you know now to save future confusion.

Raymond

TheSteve
10th June 2010, 11:05 PM
dopeep - Just in case of any misunderstanding I would just leave it (see point "A"). I wasn't advising you to beat the guy up. I meant from a male perspective if things can't be resolved in a reasonable maner and he kept pushing it then deal with it old school and send him packing regardless of consequences.

If you act like a doormat then you can expect people (the cheating selfish type) to wipe their feet on you - that was my point but it sounds as though things have resolved by themselves anyway. good luck.