How are we all doing over this holiday period?

[luce]

I am learning that holiday periods are a difficult time that trigger alsorts of nonsense. I have had quite a difficult time with it coming up. But i am okay. Once i realised that it was the holiday period that was triggering my hard time i put stuff in my diary to help me through it.

Today i met a new woman friend and we had great day girlie clothes shopping and lunching. We laughed a lot and it was nice. Tomorrow i am going to a comedy club with more new friends (oh my god i fancy one of them how crap of me is that at less than 3 mths out of my marriage when i am still in bits), and Sunday i am meeting another woman friend for drinks in the evening.

So i have the period pretty much covered. I am full of admiration for myself how i have turned my life around in less than 3mths. I am really f**king amazing. I am also rather drunk - drinking alone is a rather bad habit i have picked up in last couple of weeks. Needs to stop i think.

So how are all you wonderful people doing for Easter break?

[seven]

hahaha this just made me smile so much luce. Good for you is all I can say!!!
You most certainly are ****ing amazing, and I admire you immensely for turning your life around in such a short space of time. I have seen the transition in you and it's amazing.

Sounds like your easter holiday is going to be so much fun - i will be eating easter eggs in spirit with you, and may even have a little glass of wine with you now :)

I have learned a lot from you in such a short time, since i've been down over the past few days, i've seen just how strong you are, and it's spurred me on to be stronger. Thankfully i've definitely found my strength again today, and am back on track.

Happy easter my darling luce, you truly are ****ing amazing :):):)
xxxxxx
p.s. in answer to your question, i'm going away for the weekend with my parents, sister, and niece and nephews, am looking forward to it xx

[luce]

Seven, it is a strange thing - we have never met but you are one of my favourite people in the whole wide world - how ****ing strange but wonderful is that!

Glad you have plans in place for the holiday weekend. Give those nieces and nephews a hug from me. xxxxx

[seven]

Well that just made me feel very warm and loved - thankyou Luce, what a really lovely thing to say! And right back at you - as i've said before, through absolute turmoil and hurt, comes something so wonderful - and that's the friendships that are being formed right now.

You are so fab - it's a shame you'll be meeting me in person, you might not like me as much!!! I have a terrible tendency to swear a lot when i'm drunk... and i've no doubt we'll be drinking lots when we meet :)

You enjoy your easter weekend my darling, i'll be no doubt taking lots of pics of the kids this weekend so will put them up on facebook tomorrow.

Love you tonnes, you're incredible and don't EVER forget that xxxx

[seven]

p.s. don't you just LOVE public displays of affection. I do!!!

[RayCub]

Hey, can I get in on all the love, too? I think I'm pretty f**king amazing too!!!! lmao!!!

[luce]

I have a terrible tendency to swear a lot when i'm drunk

Now i know it is going to be just perfect! hahaha. xxxx

And public displays of affection are wonderful. :D

[luce]

Hey, can I get in on all the love, too? I think I'm pretty f**king amazing too!!!! lmao!!!

Indeed, Ms RayCub, there is masses of love to go around and you are such a darling that you are very much included. I am so proud to have you as my friend. :)

[RayCub]

Ah, luce...how did you get to be so f**king amazing and sweet?? I'm so glad you adopted me as your friend!!

[RayCub]

All our ex's are tools, by the way......:)

[luce]

Actually Ray i thought it was the other way around. You clearly have no bloody clue how much you have given me since i found this site. You have given me so much that i will be eternally grateful and you have my undying love. xxxxx

[seven]

I can think of a better word than tool, but i'm pretty sure the forum would star it out :)

You ARE amazing raycub, and I love you too. In fact we're all ****ing amazing.
xxx

[luce]

All our ex's are tools, by the way......:)

They are, they really are, and they will realise it one day and they will suffer and we will be so bloody moved on that we wont even gloat. Just a quiet smile will suffice. ;)

[seven]

They are, they really are, and they will realise it one day and they will suffer and we will be so bloody moved on that we wont even gloat. Just a quiet smile will suffice. ;)Oh i dunno Luce, I may just have to gloat a little. Oh what am i talking about - a LOT. I'm going to rub it in his face when he realises what a **** he's been for leaving me!

[seven]

oh how i love forum censorship **** **** **** wank - can you guess those 4 words?

[seven]

ooops it actually let me post one...

[luce]

lol, Seven you are girl after my own heart and ****ing wanker stupid bastards. And yes, i will gloat, i will really ****ing gloat. I will be in ****ing heavenly bliss.

[luce]

ooo...look...maybe i cant spell cos i am getting away with it all. Wish i hadnt run out of beer though!

[seven]

hahaha i'm now wondering how many words we can get away with... :)
no beer left luce?? now that's poor planning!!!
xx

[UpandDown]

Can't believe I missed this conversation! Would definitely have got drunk and sworn a lot if i'd known.

Have had the (just realised I don't understand about the starring words...what's allowed and what's not??) worst (thought ii'd be on the safe side) evening so far since this began.....luckily I had two good friends to call but had I known this was going on i'd have been straight down here to get in on some of the lurv....
x

[seven]

You ok upanddown? hope your night hasn't been too bad xxx

[luce]

Hi, UpandDown - i remembered that my local pub has lock-in until early hours so went and had few more beers. Reallly regreting it now - the room is spinning. I wish i had stayed here and shared the love with you. You are a doll. Ask Mark how to find the way to our facebook pages. Luv Luce.

[RayCub]

Hey luce, my love....is the room still spinning???

Wish I had had a few drinks tonight, but I'll catch up tomorrow night :). Just got in from dinner out with my mom, older sister, sister-in-law, both daughters and three nieces...I'm stuffed!!

Still, it would've been just as fun to stay online with you guys and talk about what stupid ****ing ***** bastards our exes are and how they deserve to be miserable...

[luce]

Oh god, i lost it. I really lost it. I got drunk and rang my ****ing bastard husband and asked him how he could have done this awful thing. He was so crappy that it was F**king it was untrue. He said that he already told me how he could have done it - that he didnt love me, that he had never loved me, he said that he wished he'd never met me and that he he didnt owe me a thing and wished i would stop contacting him. He told me to get a grip. OMG, how can anyone say such things after years of being a family. I want to die. I really want to die.

As for me not contacting him. Not ****ing fair as i have only rung him twice in three months and sent him 1 email in three months yet he did this dreadful thing to me. Oh my gawd i wish i had never drunk so much and contacted him. I really set myself up for so much pain. I dont understand at all. I really dont. How could this happen like this. How could he be so ****ing heartless. How could anyone end 16 yrs in this way. OMG, it hurts so ****ing much.

I lost it even further as i then rang the OW's mobile number and left a message pointing out that i hadnt contacted her at all in all this but if she didnt want things to get a whole lot worse then she would tell my ****ing husband to return my calls without delay. Oh my gawd i have lost all my ****ing dignity in just one night. I really wish i was dead (dont worry i am not gping to act on that one as i owe too much to my 17yr old son to even consider it). But it is how i feel.

Oh my ****ing gawd how can anyone treat another person in this way. I dont understand i am in so many pieces. I have lost my ****ing dignity in the middle of everything else oh christ i want to die or kill him or something i doint know. OMG, how could i give away so much of me! My dignity was one of the few things i was hanging onto here and now i have lost that too.. FFS!

I dont know how i am going to survive this i really dont.

[seven]

I'm going to send you a message because what I have to say is too long for on here, and the language i'm about to use is too inappropriate for a public forum.

He is a liar though luce, and my ears hurt just listening to this bull **** he is spouting.

Will send you a message, but for now, if there's one thing you are going to listen to and believe, and one sentence you are going to focus on for now, it's this: YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK. We are all going to be ok, and we are going to get through this together. This is a minor setback - you hear that? MINOR. You haven't lost anything tonight, especially your dignity.

I'm getting into detail - so will shift this to facebook now.
I love you x

[luce]

but for now, if there's one thing you are going to listen to and believe, and one sentence you are going to focus on for now, it's this: YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK. x

Focusing. I promise you i am focusing.

[UpandDown]

Hi Luce

I hope you're feeling okay. Don't worry too much about it...seven's right it's a minor setback. It just shows you're human and he's an alien. You have behaved impeccably through this and one blip doesn't change that. He is a heartless coward who will get his comeuppance one day.

I hope you're not too hungover this morning (or whenever you get up!) I'm pretty bad myself but will post on my own thread in a bit. Chin up.

Love Kathryn
x

[georgie]

I think i guessed the 4th one...
lol
I love you all too....mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah
Holidays can be tricky.
I'm not going to care enough about what he thinks to gloat..
and frankly we are all going to be so wrapped up in our new happy lives that I doubt any of us will have time to waste on them gloating or otherwise.
To infinity and beyond...wooooooooo hhhhhhoooooooooooooooo and I havent even had a drink, mind you I am on a sugar high thanks to the 5 kilos of chocoalte just consumed. xxxx
Karma Karma Karma... we dont have to have negative energy in our lives, let Karma take care of things.. Let's stick to all things positive in our lives..
Much love to all those on here going through hard times, you can make it and you will be so glad one day that this seed of change was planted, now finally you can blossom in to the people you were meant to be xxx

[UpandDown]

Happy Easter everyone!

Me and my 2 year old are currently eating chocolate for breakfast because I have failed to boil the perfect dippy egg (the first one was too hard, the second too runny in spite of me looking on Delia's website!!!)

So all in all, not bad so far. Hope today pans out ok for us all.

Love Kathryn
x

[JWD]

lUCE, don't you dare give yourself a hard time for calling them, certainly not her. I wish i had, I was far too scared LOL. I think they have both gotten off lightly considering.

Its horrid how he is treating you and you're worth so much more. Its frustrating because he won't answer you and thats why you felt you had to call them both. You haven't lost any dignity and certainly not in the eyes of a pair of worhtless , sneaky liars like those two.

You will get through it, you're gorgeous, smart, funny and your husband is an idiot not to see that - someone else will, someone far more deserving of your time.

In the meantime, you'll just have to make up your own imaginary one and join the other 'nutters' here STRENGTH IN NUMBERS oer should that be sanity? :D

I think i'm going to arrange a get together soon. Focus on that, Think of all the swearing and drinking to be had in real time.

You will get through this, i promise

xxxxxxxx

[UpandDown]

JWD - pleeese can I come??? Will practice my swearing but can't promise i'll be able to hold my drink??

I took James to my friends' church this morning then spent the whole hour chasing him around - was sooooo cringy . On the way home got pulled over by the police cause I had a brake light out. Needless to say wish i'd never left the house.

Never mind - I get to go round to my Mum's soon!!! (If you've read my thread you'll know i'm really looking forward to it!!!)

Love to you all
x

[luce]

lUCE, don't you dare give yourself a hard time for calling them, certainly not her. I wish i had, I was far too scared LOL. I think they have both gotten off lightly considering.

Its horrid how he is treating you and you're worth so much more. Its frustrating because he won't answer you and thats why you felt you had to call them both. You haven't lost any dignity and certainly not in the eyes of a pair of worhtless , sneaky liars like those two.

You will get through it, you're gorgeous, smart, funny and your husband is an idiot not to see that - someone else will, someone far more deserving of your time.

In the meantime, you'll just have to make up your own imaginary one and join the other 'nutters' here STRENGTH IN NUMBERS oer should that be sanity? :D

I think i'm going to arrange a get together soon. Focus on that, Think of all the swearing and drinking to be had in real time.

You will get through this, i promise

xxxxxxxx

I love everyword you have written here. You made me smile and made me think **** 'em. So what if i got drunk and called them in the early hours - just look what they did and they are such worthless scum so who cares anyway, lol. Thanks so much for helping me to find that perspective.

I am much better today. Have had a couple of good days. I am making new friends and a new life and it is exciting.

A drunken swearing get together! OMG. Cant wait!! :eek::D

[luce]

JWD - pleeese can I come??? Will practice my swearing but can't promise i'll be able to hold my drink??

I took James to my friends' church this morning then spent the whole hour chasing him around - was sooooo cringy . On the way home got pulled over by the police cause I had a brake light out. Needless to say wish i'd never left the house.

Never mind - I get to go round to my Mum's soon!!! (If you've read my thread you'll know i'm really looking forward to it!!!)

Love to you all
x

Oh yes, you must come Kathryn. Leave someone else in charge of the potty training and come. It will be raucous. :D

[UpandDown]

Just got back from my parents and it was actually okay. My Grandma was actually nice to me so it was easy to be nice back. James did a lot of poos in his pants though so that was slightly stressful as my Mum is quite precious about her carpet!

Only one more night then I see Oliver again (and Dan...) Been thinking about writing him a letter (Dan I mean - Oliver is one) Might do that tonight...over bacardi and coke, ooo actually wine.....no, beer is definitely the way forward. Will try not to text him tho!! Hee hee!

I am also very happy now as mdmquincy has posted - yay!

Love you all
x

[RayCub]

Hi everyone,

Yes, JWD is planning a get-together soon and you knows who's going to be there?? Why, lil ol' Raycub from Canada, that's who!! I can't wait!! When we finalize trip/flight/vacation details, you'll all get the official invite!!! It's going to be sooooo fab!!!!!!!!

I went to Easter mass this morning and broke down in church, and it's not even my church as I'm visiting my sister. The pastor was talking about the problems we all face in our life journey and about how if we just accept love into our lives, "we won't die; we will live to fight another day, and our lives will go one and we'll be the stronger for it." He actually talked about struggling with so many personal problems but just knowing that we CAN go on and we aren't alone. It was inspiring; I felt like he was talking directly to me and when my sister reached out to stroke my knee during the sermon, I lost it...but kinda in a good way, you know? He reminded me that I'm strong and I can make it through anything...it's not always easy, but I "will not die; I will live." And I will. We all will. And at some point, we'll all live BIG!

I cannot wait to meet all of you; you've all helped me so tremendously this last year. To be able to meet you all in person and be able to hug you and laugh with you and cry with you (and drink and swear!!haha) and say thank you to your faces will be one of the greatest gifts I'll EVER receive.

Happy Easter, everyone!!! xxxx

[luce]

Hi everyone,

Yes, JWD is planning a get-together soon and you knows who's going to be there?? Why, lil ol' Raycub from Canada, that's who!! I can't wait!! When we finalize trip/flight/vacation details, you'll all get the official invite!!! It's going to be sooooo fab!!!!!!!!



Wow!! That is amazing hon. I am wearing the biggest smile. Like a cheshire cat. :D

[mdmquincy]

Me, too? I wanna come if possible. Can you make room for a girl from the states?

J

[JWD]

All welcome - only requirements is the ability to cry at the drop of a hat or the sight of ****ty luved up couple, must have irrational, behavioral tendancies and say the c word - yes, i used to hate it too - desensitised now hahhahh


i'm running around my flat in my bra and pants with mp4 player stuck in my bra singing "play that funky music white boy" i shall leave you with that image folks!!!!

[UpandDown]

Hi Luce

How was the rest of your weekend? I'm feeling slightly sick!

Love Kathryn
x

[luce]

I have been struggling a bit here this week. It is the injustice of it all that is getting to me really. It is like my husband does this terrible thing, ends 16yrs of living together in the most terrible way possible and then is angry at me for having feelings about it. He is angry at me because i am hurt and angry. How bloody unfair! Did he really think he could do something so awful as have an affair. Lie to me for months. Climb back into our bed after coming from her bed. Have sex with me the night before to stop me being suspicious of him when he said he was staying out at a mates house (he admitted having done this too - how disgusting). Then to end our lives together by saying i never loved you and you bore me and that i would just go 'oh thats fine dear - you have a nice life and we'll just make small talk and it will all be lovely'.

Did he really think he could do those things and then everything be amicable and nice??? How can he be angry at me for being angry!!! He must be ****ing crazy and so stupid it is untrue. OMG. It is all so unfair. I keep crying at the unfairness of it all. How ****ing pathetic does that make me! I seem to be so stuck on all this. I am not stuck on the split. I dont want him back. I am just so stuck on 'how could he have done this terrible thing and betrayed me in this way' and 'why wont he acknowledge what he has done and its so unfair'.

I am writing this here because i am so tempted to email it to him. I know that this is going to only hurt me more so i mustnt do it. Everytime i contact him i hurt me.

[UpandDown]

Don't do it - he won't understand. He's going to have huuuge issues in his relationship with OW so one day he'll realise what he's done.

I too can't understand how my H can be so cross with me when I'm the one who has been sh*t on. I am convinced it's because underneath it all they know they are guilty so they spend all their time justifying it to themselves.

I can't believe your H. What a gutless wonder. It's despicable that he was carrying on with her at the same time as with you. What a low human being he is. You are so much better than that.

If you're anything like me, however, that really doesn't help. Instead we wonder how we could have wasted so many years of our lives on such a person......

Thinking of you
x

[luce]

Thanks Kathryn. It really helps to hear you acknowledge it by calling him a gutless wonder and a low human being. When he doesnt acknowledge anything it really helps to have other people affirm that, yes, this was a horrid way to behave. Otherwise i start to feel like i am going crazy and over-reacting.

[Helen_uk]

Luce... imagine the feeling you'd have if you'd spent a large part of your life caring for someone who was sick and at the end of it they said " I'm better now, you can go " . Total ingratitude for everything you'd done. It's the same kind of feeling when this happens.

You welcomed your ex into your family , loved and cared for him, shared not only yours but your son's life with him and now he's not only walked away , but is trying to press delete . Damn right you should feel hurt, upset and bloody angry.

You're right, it's the total injustice and the lack of acknowledgement for your feelings that hurts the most. Kathryn is right too. He isn't worth the amount of your life you've already wasted on him ( and it WOULD be nice if they could get that, but they rarely do ).

No advice I'm afraid , you have to go through each stage in your own time to come out the other end feeling much stronger , but I'm thinking of you too and keep repeating the mantra ..it DOES get better... because cross my heart , it really really does.

Hugs

Helen xx

[luce]

Ah Helen, it is understanding and acknowledgment that i need rather than advice anyway. And you are always fantastic. You always really 'get it'! I love you for that. Thank-you so much. xxxx

I will use the mantra too. :)

[RayCub]

Oh luce, I remember going through that stage with my ex H; it's a tough one to get over. I'm happy to say I don't a **** now about why he did it; I'm not sure when that happened, but I'm glad it did.

He's never taken an ounce of responsibility for what happened to our marriage, and I could have spent a lifetime wondering how he could have hurt me so badly and then blamed ME for it. Yes, it is total injustice and completely unfair, and unfortunately, some of us just have to suck it up and move on....but I believe it makes us stronger and wiser and braver....qualities our exes will NEVER possess.

I hope your day gets better, luce! You truly deserve that!

Oodles of love,
Ray xx

[luce]

Hi Ray, it is so encouraging to hear you say that you dont give a **** now. xxxxx

[RayCub]

I really don't. When it comes to my ex H, I think I've become indifferent except when it pertains to my kids. I'm SO incredibly happy to not be married to him anymore, or at least not married to the man he became. Of course, he made it easy by being a total ***** to me; it's hard to continue to love someone who treats you so poorly and with such utter disrespect.

If only I could get over the ex-boyfriend now :(

[luce]

Yeah, i adored my H for years Ray but that has all turned to hatred now so at least i am not wandering around pining for the little ****. It is just the betrayal and subsequent coldness that baffled and hurt me so much. I have to resist the urge to riing him up and tell him i hate him all day long.

I am sorry you are still having tough time of it with the recent one honey. Hugs coming your way.

[luce]

Feeling better than i have done for ages. I seem to have stopped asking why and have somehow managed to find the whole thing silly and funny. Husband buys a convertible in March, has an affair, tells lies, younger woman. What a cliche, hahahahah. I am laughing. I am fine today. :D

[sean1234]

This is how i need to feel. I think when someone turns so cold how can you love them. Its only a matter of time and there has been times i think i have hated her. Im now becoming very protective over my kids and will fight nail and tooth to keep them with me. Id be lost without them just as i think she is now finally starting to feel. I know she us going to use some dirty tactics. Lies etc to get what she wants. I know this by some of the stories she told my nieghbour which wete not true in the slightest. I know by hearing her say to my eldest there is so much you dont know. She said to my 14 year old you will understand when you get older. If thats the game she is trying to play against me at some point surely i have to resort to her standards. I dint want too but i feel if i dont she will walk all over me as she already has. I know i have the upper hand already as the boys truly want to stay with me but she is desperate and her plan failed so i can see her lowering her game even more. It all sounds so stupid but i think you have to be prepared for the worst in our situation as they seem to be different people who will do anything to get what they want. That started the minute they left the marriage. Funny thing is happening is i am starting to really hate my brother. He has not been there for me at all as he is married to her sister. Lets remember he had an affair and left his kids for 3 weeks. So f.. K him ive fallen out with him big style. What goes around comes around

[luce]

Ah Sean, it certainly feels better today - whether i will stay feeling like that is a different story.

I hope you find some peace soon honey. I dont have the added complication of the kids thing because my lad is 17yrs old so that changes that a lot. I have been angry that he has messed the lad about and dropped him too but i dont have the issues that are there with younger ones. I am sorry that she is using the kids in this way. I am sorry for you and sorry for them. What a nightmare!

I can understand why you would feel like that about your brother. He is not going to be there for you. Not just because he is married to her sister but also because if he was to be there for you he would have to look at himself. He doesnt want to have to look into his own soul right now thats for sure.

Hugs Luce.

[sean1234]

My boys are 14 and 17 and her whole family including her are convinced ive turned them against her and that im stopping them seeing her.she said if she could afford a solicitor they would be with her. This made me angry and i said well now youve mentioned a solicitor and your so convinced im stopping them seeing you go for . Get the money and if you want access now we will go to court. They have been on there own with me for 6 months now and since ive involved csa all of a sudden u have come knocking at the dior demanding to see them. Even when i have asked her toblet me know she was coming round she just turns up without any call or nothing. I only have the 1 brother and she has a brother and seven sisters. I feel so isolatedvas they hsve been my family all those years. Now she decides to leave im a monster.

[sean1234]

Oh and when my brother had his affair i told him he was mad and i dont know how you can leave your boys but i still stood by him. I helped him see the light and go home. But me he jyst says he staying out of it . He a b......... D

[luce]

I am still full of hate. My lad told me he met his dad for lunch yesterday and dad has just got new job earning a lot of money. I knew it was coming but hearing he had actually got it hurt. I felt really bloody angry. Because i financially supported us for several years while he retrained then went into a new area of work firstly on voluntary basis, and then at bottom of payscale - he had just started pulling a reasonable wage then he left. And now he is earning loads. I am mad as hell. I would have loved opportunity to go and retrain but i was too busy supporting us financially!!! Grrrhhhh. The twatty little bitch he is with earns the same as him too so between them they are laughing. Argghh!

So i blurted out to my lad that i hate H. Not appropriate but it just fell out of my mouth. So i apologised and my wonderful lad said
'mum, you dont need to pretend your ok when you are not. And its ok to hate him, you have every right to hate him'.

What a trooper! My gawd our relationship is so much better without ****face here. My 17yr old son gives me hugs again now - how wonderful - he stopped doing that years ago.

Gawd i hate my H. I resist the urge to text my hate to him 10 times a day. I have deleted his number off my phone in case my fingers get over-powered by hatred.

I am trying to remember that it was my choice to support H all those years. But to be honest it didnt feel like much of a choice at the time because he was so bloodyminded that he was going to do what he was going to do anyway. He would have thrown us on the breadline doing it if i hadnt taken up the slack and made sure we all still had a good standard of living. He was able to spend 3yrs retraining with no real income yet still go on overseas holidays and eat salmon because i was pulling the money. Hate him, hate him, hate him.

[Wiggle]

Hi Luce,

Hate is good, because it's one step closer to indifference....

If I remember correctly, in a divorce settlement it's possible to get a part share of ex's future improved income if you've financially contributed towards their re-training? Which you sure as heck have. I could be completely wrong....?

Glad to hear you're resisting the urge to text. Hold your head up high with dignity! Your son sounds teriffic.

Hugs,

Wiggle

[Helen_uk]

I should imagine Luce that some provision is made by the law for things like this ? I can certainly remember my solicitor probing VERY deeply into ex hubby's earnings and pension rights before going ahead with a divorce on my behalf, even though I was the petitioner.

As for hating him.. who wouldn't ? He's acted in a hateful way and is fully deserving of it !

Wiggle is quite right, hate is the last stage before indifference .. and indifference is such a good feeling. Keep reminding yourself he's not worthy whilst you are brilliant, kind, caring and a wonderful human being !
x

[luce]

Wiggle, thats a perfect response. Thank-you! Hate is one step closer to indifference - i like it!

I hadnt really thought of pursuing him financially at all as i thought i wouldnt be entitled to anything - my income is comparable to his even in his new job. So i just thought i wouldnt be entitled - we were renting so no mortgage or anything to worry about. He is my boy's step-dad (since lad was a baby) so we wouldnt have entitlement through CSA but apparently we would through courts until boy is 18 but as that is only another 10mths it didnt seem worth stress of going after it. But perhaps you are right and it is an avenue i should look at.

Thanks again for helping me feel sane Wiggle. I feel so damn insane through so much of this.

[luce]

I should imagine Luce that some provision is made by the law for things like this ? I can certainly remember my solicitor probing VERY deeply into ex hubby's earnings and pension rights before going ahead with a divorce on my behalf, even though I was the petitioner.

As for hating him.. who wouldn't ? He's acted in a hateful way and is fully deserving of it !

Wiggle is quite right, hate is the last stage before indifference .. and indifference is such a good feeling. Keep reminding yourself he's not worthy whilst you are brilliant, kind, caring and a wonderful human being !
x

Sorry Helen - i posted on top of you but the same response as i made to Wiggle applies here. And i am brilliant. Thanks for reminding me. :D

[georgie]

You are not insane! this is so so so hard.
I just wanted to reiterate you are brilliant!! He is a boll@x!

[luce]

Thank-you Georgie! It is hard isnt it. It is really hard.

Crying again. Dont get it. I really dont get it. I dont get how he can do something as awful as have an affair and then compound it by saying such awful things to me. How can he say that he wished he had never met me. OMG, I really want the floor to swallow me up.

So sorry for being such an attention seeker today. And thank-goodness for all of you. People that havent been there just dont get it. I wouldnt have got it before this either.

ps., i like that you called him a boll@x Georgie. I went out Friday night with a very, very old friend. He was at school with my X and said that he was a pen1s even at school. I asked him what that meant and he told me that in guy speak it is about as rubbish as it gets. That if a guy has a reputation as a pen1s he might as well leave the country. Apparently it is very different to calling someone a pr1ck. A pr1ck is someone that is your mate but can be a d1ck at times but you forgive them cos they are your mate. But a pen1s comes under a completely different category. This was all explained to me in guy talk and i loved him for calling my X a pen1s. :D

[UpandDown]

Such insights! Facinating!

Keep strong - you are firmly in reality and he is delusional. Never get the two confused.

Love Kathryn
x

[luce]

Such insights! Facinating!




lol. Men are so deep. :D

you are firmly in reality and he is delusional. Never get the two confused.



Thanks Kathryn - i need reminding of this a 100 times a day. :)

[seven]

Haven't posted on here in ages, but thought i'd make a reappearance tonight!!

Luce you are bloody awesome. Don't beat yourself up over the tears - they're going to come and go. I bet they aren't anywhere near as fierce as before though. I'm the same, not cried in a couple of weeks, then tonight I got thinking about him, and what could have been, and I got upset again. I noticed that it was more of a fleeting cry, rather than full on sobbing. In fact, for the first time, I actually felt stupid for crying. So then I cooked a sausage sandwich and watched something funny on tv and laughed :)

He isn't just a pen1s, he's a very small pencil d1ck pen1s :)

You are doing amazing Luce - don't you ever forget that. xxx

[Wiggle]

Luce,

You're doing great and you are not insane. I know there are times in all of this when you feel like your brain can't take any more flack and you want to curl up in a corner somewhere and wish it would all go away (I know I do...) but that's when wailing on this forum really helps.

He's saying awful things to you to justify his rotten behaviour to himself. He wishes he never met you? Helen's right - he is not worthy and wouldn't be where he is now professionally without you. I hope you'll soon wish you'd never met him. You'll come out of the other end of this a stronger person; he will always be a limp p*nis :D!

Crying does get less frequent. I was wandering around London last Sat with friends, trying not to sob, but not had a bad day since. I think weekends are worse for me because that when we spent the most time together...


People that havent been there just dont get it. I wouldnt have got it before this either.



So true. Since all of this has kicked off I've apologised to two of my friends who went through similar stuff some years back. I now realise I wasn't there for them as much as I could have been, now I know. They've both been great anyway.

[luce]

hahaha, i like the p*nis theme of this thread.

Had an up and down day again today. Had an anxiety attack while i was driving today and had to pull over into a layby. I was crying and couldnt breathe properly. What is all that about??? I am so much tougher than that. Had an anxiety attack at 3 weeks in - at 3 months in i thought i was well beyond that.

I was stuck in the layby not knowing what to do so i rang a very old friend (different one from above) and he talked me down. But being much more resourceful than i was a couple of months ago once i was calmer i decided to take day off work and pamper. I went to the gym and lifted some of my personal bests. Then went to an expensive hairdressers, then sunbed and then went to nail parlour and had my first ever false nails. They are lovely. They make a lovely clicking noise while i type! Tonight i am off to Salsa.

What a lot of money i do spend keeping myself ok through all of this, haha. I think it is whatever it takes though and i am considering it an investment in my future.

[luce]

Ok, next time i start to cry a lot and use the C word very liberally i need someone to ask me if i am possibly PMT. :D

My cycles are all over the place at the moment and i dont recognise the pmt when i am in it.

[luce]

This bank holiday weekend went nightclubbing until 4am and then shot off camping with new friends. Excellent. For first time since this happened i have been able to look back on the events of last few months without pain or any feeling much at all. It really is going to be okay. :D

This made me smile;
Your husband is limping around outside BLEEDING what do you do ..
stay calm take a second reload, aim, FIRE !

[luce]

Ex's are like Slinky's...useless and annoying...but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs

[j92cool]

Your are quite right Luce Some people are like slinkys. That is one of my favorite sayings at the moment I have it pinned up on the notice board at work.

PS you are doing so well you should give yourself a pat on the back. :)

[luce]

Thank-you. I feel like i have woken up from a 16yr sleep and its great. :D

[luce]

Yuk. Today i am feeling yuk. I am so sick of putting on a brave face and smiling when all i want to do is cry like a baby and be held. I am carving new life, surrounded by new people, and that is great. Well f*cking done me.

But at same time it is lonely. Its not the time to be outwardly in pain when with new people - it is the time to hold court, smile, be utterly charming and witty. Having been hidden away in my marriage for so long i had forgotten how well i can do this - i really am good at it. When i am my charming best people like me, they really do.

That is encouraging but it is lonely. I want people to know how much i struggle to put one foot in front of another, how i feel overwhelmed by something as small as cleaning my home. I want them to know that this is the hardest thing i have ever lived through and that i still cry most days. But i show them something different. And i think it is right that i do - it takes time to build new friends and you have to play nicely to start with. But it is hard, really blooming hard.

Thank f*ck for this forum!

[UpandDown]

Hi Luce

Haven't seen you here for a while. Sounds like you're doing amazing. I don't know how you are managing to be with new people. The only person I have met up with new is Wiggle and that's only because she's on here. I've shied away from any situation with strangers involved...the effort is just too huge. I'm full of respect.

It's a lonely old road we're travelling I have to say. It's funny how you can be ok one day then back in a dark pit the next. When are we meeting up to drink and swear by the way...or did I miss it?!!

Love Kathryn
x

[luce]

Hi Kathryn,
Thanks for simply 'getting it'.

I have really had to go out and meet new people. I work from home and most of my old friends are spread around the country. Apart from my 17yr old son i dont have any family either. So it was literally sit at home and enter a black hole or get out there. Meeting new people has been very good for me too and i have done lots of different things. I am changing and growing so much. It is just so different to meeting new people when we are very young. Friendships are built much more slowly and with far more caution.

How nice that you and Wiggle have met through this forum. The gifts that come out from the nonsense! I have just discovered that one of the ladies here is only around 40miles from me so we are going to meet up early in June so looking forward to that.

As for the main meet - i have not heard anything - i think JWD and Raycub will be sorting it out. Fingers crossed that it doesnt clash with Isle of Wight Bestival.

Hugs to you my dear. xxxxx

ps., you are right about how strange it is that you can be alright one day and in black pit the next. I have to own that some of my pits are alcohol related too. I wasnt much of a dinker before this happened and it certainly doesnt help the situation.

[RayCub]

Hey ladies,

We're hoping for the first two weeks of September. Gives us something to look forward to...I SERIOUSLY need this meeting. You guys have all played such an important part in my healing, I need to connect personally with as many of you as I can and hug the hell out of you!!!

Had a little break-through the other night: the ex-boyfriend called when I was out and when I saw his name on my phone, I didn't break down at all. No crying, no shaking, no remembering...baby steps.

I'm going to post on my own thread instead of hi-jacking this one...

Love to you all!
Ray
xx