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yozzer24353667@hotmail.co
7th January 2001, 11:50 AM
I have not seen anything that relates to this problem i have.Please if anyone has any useful advice to give then it would be apprecated.I am an Englishman in a relationship with a Thai woman in Bangkok.I am 44 and she is 37.I have 3 grown up kids from a past marriage and she has 1 from her past marriage.I speak a basic Thai and she a basic English.i am doing my best to communicate and tell her i love her everyday to try and make her feel secure.She is 2 months pregnant and has morning sickness.Now i think i understand what she is going through to a certain extent.The problem is she thinks i don't love her or care for her.I have provided a home and pay all the bills and told her that if she feels unwell not to work and to just relax.The main problem seems to be that if i dont do what she asks,no matter what it is,then she starts to sulk like a child of early teens and refuses to talk to me.But i am only trying to get to the root of the problem of why she behaves like she does.I love her very much but this reaction she gives whenever she cannot have her own way is eating away at me and slowly killing the love i have for her.This morning she awoke me and wanted to make love,it was the way she did this that turned me off,just saying come on then, i'm ready.When i refused this approach she went into a sulk and nothing i said would bring her out of it.She acts like i am the one in the wrong and gives me the cold shoulder.Why am i made to feel like this when i have done nothing wrong.?I am considered a tough guy, but when it comes to anything like this i just want to cry because it hurts me inside so much.Living in Thailand is a joy, but if we go out for something to eat near where we live she expects me to sit down and eat while she wanders off and talks to her Thai friends leaving me with no-one to chat with.When we both sit down with other Thais,they will all chat along and when i show an interest or want to know what they are talking about,she says it does not matter.I feel i am only wanted when she needs me.Am i in the right relationship or should i be how she sees me to be and just go and carry on with my own life.?I don't want to leave her because i love her.Any advice from people with knowledge or experience would be very helpful.

Geoff
9th January 2001, 11:53 PM
It sounds like every man's dream to live in Thailand with a beautiful wife, but yours seems to be turning into a nightmare. Perhaps there's some culture thing happening here. Have you tried to find a Thai man you can talk to or some other ex-pat who's out there and married to a local. I've had friends who've married ladies from other nationalities and there always seem to have been some misunderstandings and adjustment. It's sometimes been hard to sort out what was culture and what was personality. Don't know if that's any help....

Kate
11th January 2001, 07:03 PM
Your request certainly got us thinking! We have made some enquiries through contacts who know Thailand and offer these tips.

Apparently most Thai's don't like others to be too direct, straight forward or confrontational in their communication. They easily feel snubbed and really don't like "losing face". It sounds as if you need to think through how you communicate with your girl friend and perhaps try to be more subtle and round about.

Her apparent abruptness in suggesting you make love may have been her attempt at communicating your way and it hit her really hard when you didn't want to know.

Is she looking for security and marriage from you? If you've already started a pregnancy together, then perhaps you need to think about what sort of commitment you are going to give her and your future child.

You can learn a lot from books available from DK in Bangkok, books like Working with the Thais (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/9748496503/qid%3D979247960/107-0555834-1682117/2in21couk) by Henry Holmes and Suchada Tangtongtavy, published by White Lotus in 1995. Try and find out about the culture over there and see if you can find Thais who speak good English, who can help you. Perhaps you can also try and brush up on each others language, so you can build more common ground and friendship into your relationship. Remember though that tone of voice and body language are important in communication as well as the words, and they may also be culturally based.

It sounds as if love across cultures is going to be both exciting and challenging. You are going to have to work at it.


[This message has been edited by Kate (edited 11 January 2001).]