MATES
10th March 2010, 09:25 PM
Hi, most women will probly hate me once reading this thread but here’s my story.Im a Husband of 8 years married to a beautiful christen highly educated women who I met and married after only dating for 3 weeks. My wedding day was filled with indecision and reluctance to follow through but the tables were set the food prepared and there was a little girl so excited and in love with me how could I say no. The day I introduced my future wife to my family my mother was so excited she gave me an antique ring to use as the engagement ring. For me because of bad dating scenes I shopped for a wife, on paper my wife had it all pretty,personality,motivated,common dreams,degree,ethics,accectpted Jesus and followed his calling etc.. I had prayed for a wife and I felt that she stacked up to what was best and what I should have in a wife. The problem was I never loved her or was ever attracted to her. I felt that the check list was complete and I would have the LOVE feelings one day. My wedding day as my wife walked toward me my holy sprit spoke to me and said I would be blessed and OH how he blessed us. We made a life even through my feeling of no love for my wife. Early on we had many problems like lack of sex from me because I was not attracted. It seemed yearly that we fought and argued about 3 things. My wife’s weight, I always felt if she would trim down that that would cure our sex. By me asking she would cry and become depressed and say that I never had unconditional love.Shes never been overweight it was my opinion. That would lead into her expressing how she needed to be held, touched and adored by me. She was a very insecure person and I felt very sorry and I would drop the matter. I acted on her desires for a while until things got better. Truly in 8 years we fought only 7 times a fact!! God blessed us with more money than we could spend, houses, boats, and gob’s of expensive crap.Our money and stuff became an idiotry for me. I soon replaced my emptiness from not loving my wife and replaced her with stuff. I would feel empty and spend $500 on crap.She fell right in as well and partially filled her void but driving her into depression. We still felt the void and decided to have child. This changed our life style. Once my wife found out she was pregnant she was in the middle of her DOCs degree and would graduate before the birth. She should quit her Job to complete it and we needed to build a new house for the baby. So here comes the stress. Half the income,subed out my own house and changed job locations all in Nine mounths.We thought life was grand we looked at what we accomplished in those months and were proud but we had built a gorge between us in our marraige.My wife had clinical postpartum from the birth that made us crazy!! For the last 2 years I felt like I only existed and my wife thought I was being responsable.She would constantly tell me how good of a man and husband I was and how lucky she was to be able to stay home and raise our child. All while I felt despise because I did not love this women and I have emotional needs but this was what marriage was I told myself. The worst thing I could do was what ive done. In short I had an emotional affair and told my wife 2 weeks afterwards that I liked it and had found the true meaning to life was LOVE. She was of course upset with my actions but glad I never had sex with this women. We tried counseling but all blame was on her she felt when clearly the counselor was blaming both of us. My wife felt she had done no wrong and decided to kick me out. I don’t love her I said this is best for her. After two months I decited to see the women who filed my void. After many meetings I had sex with her flooding out my passion I so desperately needed to give and receive. I felt guilty and and stopped the act. Soon afterwards my wife and I came to truths about me not loving her and my full affair and are working thought it to repair our marriage due to what I feel like is the biblically correct way. After three months my mistress calls me and she’s pregnent.WHAT!!!! Do I brake off my marriage now? My wife is accepting and willing to work through this and raise the baby from another women but I still do not LOVE her. I can only list the reasons to stay as the same reasons to marry but now only adding one more my 2 year old SON. Anyone in the act of adultery or contemplating it read your Bible proverbs 5 and 7.DONT BE DECIEVED!! For Satan comes to seek, devour and destroy.