HELP! I've wrecked it all - New

[pphil]

Someone please help me. I don't know how I got myself into this stupid situation and I don't know how to get it back.

I've been with wife for approx 12 years, married for 7. Got two boys aged 10 and 6. I am a complete idiot and have messed this up. I love my wife immensely.

I've always had a bit of a wandering eye and I suppose I have got into situations in the past that would look bad, but I've never acted on thiese temptations. Added that I am REALLY bad with money and have become very secretive. Over the past few months I've been travelling for a few days each week for work. I met a girl via an online website - although never physically met her.

We've exchanged numbers and chatted a great deal on phone. My wife has found out and has also talked to this girl. She has now said she wants to separate.

I can't stand to be away from her (wife) and the boys. I feel like I've let them all down and don't deserve them, but I don't think I can handle a separation. I understand it is all my own fault, but I will do ANYTHING to sort this out.

I know if we separate, then that will end us. My wife is a very attractive girl and I know that she would easily meet someone else.

Someone please help me.
How do I change the way I am - I want to I just don't know how
Please help me

[Raymond]

You haven't committed adultery Phil but you could have been heading in the right direction. You really have to make it up to her and regain her trust. Obviously starting with an apology. Winning back the trust will take time. It takes the longest to build up but is broken the quickest, so you really have to watch it. You need to start working at it straight away as you have really risked your marriage.

Marriage can only be built on faithfulness. If you have learned that you are getting somewhere. Let her know you realise this.

Raymond

[Helen_uk]

Your wife is, I should imagine, feeling pretty betrayed right now.

What can you do ? Apologise, apologise and then apologise some more. Listen to her .

And as for changing, that's in your hands... but if you get a second chance with your wife.. maybe next time you're tempted you can think about the hurt look on her face, and remember just how fragile and easily broken trust is...You could aslo think about what you've just said - that your wife is an attractive women, paint a picture of her with someone else in your mind and think about that ?

We all find other people attractive , nothing wrong with that . Setting up secret relationships with them even if only online or by phone is a very slippery slope .

Helen