Feeling down today

[Hopefull1983]

I thought I was coping quite well, even though I'm dying inside I've done well to put on a brave face and I've done well lately keeping busy and concentrating on me. I've recently arranged to move out of my parents (where I moved to when my husband decided our marriage was over 4 months ago) and into a shared house with some friends, just as a parking space until I have got enough savings to get myself on my own two feet and into my own place. Now the time is approaching that I'll be moving though it's like it's hit me like a ton of bricks, I have that constant lump in my throat that I thought I got rid of a month ago again, I'm crying in random places again and struggling with eating. I keep thinking about having to go back to our house and take what's mine but he harder part is thinking about how to share things that are impossible to share. My husband and I travelled the world together and have accumulated a lot of memorabilia and thinking about who gets what is just eating away at me, I don't want to be doing this I just want my lovely life back, I want my husband to be the man he used to be and not this selfish non commited man that he has become. I just feel a bit lost these past few days and just want this pain to stop. I know I need to be strong and try and think positive, just all seems to be bringing me down again lately.

[seven]

I absolutely feel every little part of your pain. I'm not at your stage yet regarding splitting of shared stuff, but it's at the back of my mind that I know i'm going to have to deal with that at some point in the future, and that thought fills me with dread.

Just remember how far you've come so far - the fact that you have arranged to move into a house with friends etc. Who knows, maybe once you go back to the house and look at some of the stuff, you might not feel as attached to it anymore. Just think that the memories that are making you so full of emotion are because you're remembering who your husband USED to be, not who he is NOW. Just try to think about the items that you want because they make you happy, not because they remind you of him.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I really hope it's not too painful. I can't even think of anything else to say to make you feel any better - just try to keep taking care of yourself, eat well, get lots of sleep etc. Keep thinking you deserve better! That's what everyone is telling me, i'm trying to remember that when i start to feel down. XX

[crush]

Hi and sorry you find yourself here. Like many we are going through similar experiences. My h left 10 months ago and still life is a struggle. There are no words to tell you how to get through it as everyone deals with this in their own way. You don't mention if ex has anyone else or if there are children involved? There usually is in cases like this and of course that makes it all the harder to bear.

Life does go on but I can understand everything you are going through, I would also like my life back but no it is not going to happen. I have to forge a new one for myself and my children. I have had many sleepless nights, lost weight, cannot stop thinking about things etc it is all part of the process and the unfairness of it all.

Keep posting on here as you will find lots of support and advice and it really does help ...... honest. Stay strong and take care.

[Wedgewood]

There will be many ups and downs along the way, and who knows how things will work out in the end? Your priority right now mus be to think about YOU and what YOU need to get your life back on track. Forget your H for now and concentrate on making yourself feel better. You cannot influence what he does/thinks, you can only change your own path. You have been given some great advice, but we all know from experience how hard it is to understand and deal with. I myself am 9 months into separation, but my mentality has changed from 'needing' to get back with my ex-w to it being 'a preference'. I have recently learned to enjoy life after her and I truly believe this gives me my best shot at getting her back. If you try too hard it usually just makes things worse. Concentrate on improving yourself, your happiness and your self-esteem. Once you are at peace you will be far more attractive to any male, not just your husband.

Hope this helps,

Please remember we are all here for you :p

Mark x

[Helen_uk]

Mark... I'm proud of you lad !

Some good advice here Struggling and I can only echo what's been said , everything feels raw because it is raw ,keep posting ( it can be very therapeutic ) and remember that each bad day has an end and each new day is a new begining.

Hugs

Helen

[jellybean28]

Hi struggling

You've been given some great advice from people who have been though similiar experiences.

What you're going though now is difficult the important thing is to look after yourself, things will get better eventually, try to be kind to yourself, if you need to yell, cry, scream or hit some pillows then do it. We've all been there. You will come though this stronger and wiser.

Keep posting here it really does help.

Hugz JB :)

[Raymond]

Hi struggling I can feel your pain. Those things in the house represent your past life and it is difficult to deal with. I think you have to put it off as much as you can. Even have it put in storage so you can get a few things when you are up to it. I think you have to look forward and not back. In a sense a funeral but still hanging on to the good things which help you. Looking at those things or thinking about them brings it all back so you have to avoid it for a time so that you can heal. It is the same with your mind. You may find yourself casually reminiscing and then the truth hits home reminding you of your loss again. Longing for the past will have this affect on you. You have to try and move forward and make a new life. You are still young, have no children and will be an amazing catch for someone in the future (I mean that) although you don't see it now.

Raymond

[Hopefull1983]

Thank you for your replies everyone, this site is amazing and uplifting, I really appreciate all of your advice and strength that you're giving me. I've just been to a step aerobics class (happy endorphines and all that) and I feel a bit 'happier' today. There's also a position that has come up in my work today (part of what's making things harder for me is that my husband works a desk away from me in work), he's recently applied for a job upstairs and the position that has come up today is a department that I've been looking at getting into for a while now so it's giving me something to focus on. Thank you everyone for your kind words and I hope you're all right that things will get easier and I will heal in time. I feel for everyone on here I wouldn't wish the pain that I feel on my worst enemy, I never realised that heartache was literally that 'an aching feeling in your heart', I didn't realise it was actual pain that won't go away, posting on here definately helps though, if nothing else it gives me hope that one day I'll be stronger.

[Raymond]

You will be stronger Struggling. Well done going to aerobics. Things like that will help as will the trying for the new position. Him going upstairs will help as well.

There is a lot of this going on on here just now. One after the other it seems. The marriage truths outlined in your first post are so true.

Raymond

[jellybean28]

Hi Struggling

How are you going today?

Take care and try to look afterbyourself

JB xxx:)

[Hopefull1983]

Hi Jellybean,

I am feeling ok actually. I have had a good share of happy endorphines this week, I went to Step Aerobics on Monday, Jogging on Tuesday and Pilates last night. I'm off work not until Tuesday as I'm heading to London tomorrow with my husbands sister to see his other sister and our niece and nephew so I'm very much looking forward to that. I'm also seeing one of my best friends whom I haven't seen for almost 9 months so going to get some much needed hugs off her :) No developments to report re: my husband and his feelings/thoughts etc but I'm really concentrating on me and feeling as good as possible.

Thank you for asking.

Hope everyone else on here is starting to have more good days than bad.
x

[Wedgewood]

Good work struggling - keep it up!

You seem to be heading in the right direction - It took me a while to realise it, but you seem to be pciking it up straight away! I guess I am just a slow learner!

Mark x x

[Raymond]

Well done struggling. Actually looking forward to things is a good sign that healing is happening. I am really happy for you. You may need a name change soon?

Raymond