I love you but ......

[dalesman]

" I love you but i,m not in love with you " I first heard this expression when my wife said it to me many years ago and there are at least 4 current threads on this site which have this in the title banner. I have just never understood what this phrase actually means . Personally I think that what it actually means in reality is " I still have some affection for you and dont want to hurt your feelings but I am bored and no longer want to live with you " Does anyone out there think this phrase has any real meaning ? Am I missing the point ? is this some secret code that only a woman would understand ?

[Ageing Grace]

is this some secret code that only a woman would understand ?

No. It's what both my ex-husbands said, too. I think they mean it. When you've shared so much of yourself with another, shared all the highs and lows, shared friends and jokes and so on - you do love them.

The expression "not in love with you" is a red herring, I think. "In love" is generally taken to mean the euphoric feeling - officially described as temporary insanity! - in the first few months or years when we become romantically attached. When a spouse delivers the dreaded phrase, I don't think they're complaining that the euphoria has gone, at least not if they're in any way connected to the real world.


I think they mean "I love you and care about you; I feel emotionally attached to you - but you're not enhancing my life and I take little joy in being with you. Sorry."

So, Dalesman - yeah, pretty much what you said above.

AG

[Raymond]

Whatever it means it seems a pretty common phrase on here as a prelude to seperation or divorce.

If I felt like that about my wife I would really take it as a red light that somehow I had drifted or my attitude was wrong. With a bit of soul searching it doesn't take much to get it right again which means giving it attention. I wouldn't say anything to her about it, just keep loving her and back it comes. She may well go through this with me but with us both working on it it is fantastic most of the time, after all we comitted to marry each other.

Raymond