granma4
4th January 2010, 01:13 PM
My problem may be trivial when compared to other's problems, but to me it is having a devastating affect. I have been married for 38 years and have three children, all grown up but youngest (28) still at home. My husband has always wanted his own way and during one argument when I did not want the same as him his reply was "this is my life". I am stubborn also, so this has made for a very volatile relationship.
My husband has always had a wandering eye, verging on obsession with him staring at women making them aware of his admiration without any care for my feelings and we have had many arguments about this over the years. My problems probably start from a very early age when I was told by my mother that I was the result of an accident with my parents birth control, and subsequently through my young life being called mistake by all and sundry, even our baker and milkman.
I have never been a small person, i.e. at my smallest I was a size 14 and during the last year I have gone up to a size 18. Our sex life has always been lively due to my husbands needs, but during the last few months i have noticed a huge decline in this with practically no contact, my husband being a morose type of person who has to be asked to smile.
I have got to the point of asking him what the problem is and his reply is that he does not want sex with me because I am "too big". He also tells me that I have a rather unpleasant smell in the mornings, which I am aware of as I am going through the menopause and have very bad night sweats, waking some mornings with the sheets and pillows soaking wet. I thought he understood.
He told me this on Christmas Day and I have steadily got more depressed until I now cannot stop crying. i have moved out of the bedroom which he cannot understand, he says he still loves me, but he does not like change, i feel he is just scared I will leave and his life will change, i.e. lose his housekeeper which is what I feel i have become. My life is not all bad, we have two/three holidays a year etc., but my self esteem has been eaten away for years (if it ever existed) and now I don't know which way to turn because he cannot take back the words he has said and I cannot forget them. He once said to me after staring at a particularly attractive young blond, "if you had her attributes I would not have to look at her". This he feels is not an insult.
Any thoughts anybody:(
My husband has always had a wandering eye, verging on obsession with him staring at women making them aware of his admiration without any care for my feelings and we have had many arguments about this over the years. My problems probably start from a very early age when I was told by my mother that I was the result of an accident with my parents birth control, and subsequently through my young life being called mistake by all and sundry, even our baker and milkman.
I have never been a small person, i.e. at my smallest I was a size 14 and during the last year I have gone up to a size 18. Our sex life has always been lively due to my husbands needs, but during the last few months i have noticed a huge decline in this with practically no contact, my husband being a morose type of person who has to be asked to smile.
I have got to the point of asking him what the problem is and his reply is that he does not want sex with me because I am "too big". He also tells me that I have a rather unpleasant smell in the mornings, which I am aware of as I am going through the menopause and have very bad night sweats, waking some mornings with the sheets and pillows soaking wet. I thought he understood.
He told me this on Christmas Day and I have steadily got more depressed until I now cannot stop crying. i have moved out of the bedroom which he cannot understand, he says he still loves me, but he does not like change, i feel he is just scared I will leave and his life will change, i.e. lose his housekeeper which is what I feel i have become. My life is not all bad, we have two/three holidays a year etc., but my self esteem has been eaten away for years (if it ever existed) and now I don't know which way to turn because he cannot take back the words he has said and I cannot forget them. He once said to me after staring at a particularly attractive young blond, "if you had her attributes I would not have to look at her". This he feels is not an insult.
Any thoughts anybody:(