advice please - out of ideas

[Rebecca]

First off let me say we are blessed with a great marriage. We are both happy and content - EXCEPT for one area, and it's not money...
We have the typical problem of him having a (MUCH) stronger desire than her. But more than that, I have a really hard time reaching orgasm. I have developed the really bad habit of imagining porn in my head so I can reach orgasm. I do this for myself, obviously, but I also feel I have to do it for him so he can be successful. He gets very disappointed if I don't reach orgasm.

Finally, after many years, I got up the courage to tell him plainly that I didn't want to continue in this sin. There are nights when I know I will not reach orgasm, and I asked for the freedom to tell him that and he wouldn't try. He agreed.

Recently, this happened. I knew I wouldn't reach orgasm. We had sex, and then he reached for me, and I told him I couldn't tonight. He got up and went downstairs.

I found out later he had made big plans for the evening. I had shut that all down by my 'announcement.' He said he was not upset, only that he couldn't just go to sleep.

Now I believe our arrangement will never work. I feel like I have just always put myself, my needs first.

I feel like I can never truly satisfy him.

He's tired of chasing the problem around with no solution.

We don't know what to do.

I need some advice from some loving Christian people!!!

Any ideas?

[Raymond]

Hi Rebecca. You haven't said whether you still enjoy sex even when you don't reach O. I think this is a common thing that men have in their head including me. A man wants to be successful in the bedroom and their proof of it is their wife experiencing O. Trouble is a lot of women don't always but it doesn't have to stop there. (There are answers). There is nothing to stop him climaxing though with due respect

When it doesn't happen for me my wife always assures me that she enjoyed it. I believe her and am not down about it. We all go through different periods. I think the problem is in him forcing it in his head. If he relaxed you probably would. Putting a goal on it can be self defeating and doesn't leave room for your own expression in that area.

On a personal level I find that relationship effects what happens in the bedroom, for my wife anyway. It is no good arguing all day for instance. That would definitely affect her response. Sex isn't seperate from relationship in other words.

There is a christian site where you can discuss this in depth with others called www.themarriagebed.com (http://www.themarriagebed.com) I believe you will really find some answers there.

God bless

Raymond

[smackie9]

Your problem is not uncommon. Men and women think differently about sexual response. Men feel if they can't satisfy then that means you don't desire them....which is far from the truth. Women need to be emotionally ready in order to reach that higher level of erotica. Raymond is right, this state of mind starts in the relationship itself. Women need romance, a feeling of being sexy, to feel desirable and to feel appreciated. Men tend to lax on this. This happens to all of us when we get more involved with building out lives together, responsibilities, raising children, working hard for the future. Romance isn't just for newly married. It needs to be carried out through your whole lives together. Sex is an important part to feel and be connected with each other. But it gets out of balance from routine, and lack of communication for fear of hurting the other's feelings.

To solve any issue starts with communication, and cooperation from both of you. It's time to start dating each other again. To spend time one on one to get connected again like when you first met. Talk about sex, what you like, your fantasies. Get a book on G-spot stimulation, and learn together to heighten the experience. Try role playing or buy some sex toys, experiment to spice things up. You both have to work together on this. You can't rely on just him to make things better in the bedroom. Now that you have this info from us, it's up to you to take action on a positive level. Just remember you need to listen to your partner too. The more time you spend communicating, the more comfortable you both will be with each others needs, the better the experience.