Tinkerbell
28th December 2009, 07:38 PM
I will try to condense this!
I met my husband 7&1/2 years ago, I was a very outgoing, confident, pretty wild woman, independant etc.....I have come from a very unstable, rocky upbringing with much high stress which has continued into adulthood and has stemmed from my mother....we have had a very rocky relationship, she is very manipulating and emotionally abusive...has been all my life, but I keep her in my life as she is my mother and well...I want to have some kind of 'mother/daughter' relationship.
I met my husband at a stressful time, I had left my job due to stress and was signed off sick, I had my own home and I loved it, I had a few short term relationships and had been looking for someone special but never found him. I put this down to my upbringing and having issues or just being too needy?
After 4 months, I rented my house and moved into my hubbys house (then b/f). My b/f (Chris), had never had a long term relationship and had only had two short term relationships and 3 one night stands. I had had 3 long, serious relationships and many many short term ones....
Chris's family lived around the corner and his mother was always trying to take over and do things I should be doing or wanted to do like planting things in our garden etc,.,I found it hard to deal with and the fact his family were very close and happy....I have come from 2 divorces and moved all over, lots of disruption, it was what I wanted but also felt quite overwhelming. There was a woman at work who was a close friend who started to flirt and act inappropriatly towards Chris, he let this go on for ages even though i told him,,,he agreed it was wrong but didn't want to cause any trouble, that was the 1st thing he did where he didn't stand up for me and put me 1st. There has been endless times throughout and the worst of all was when we got married.
We had a stressful time at the hands of my mother again and when we finally got to go away, I suffered a panic attack at the airport, here started about 4 years of anxiety and panic attacks.......
Chris family made out they were supportive but as we were not over as much, it was felt to me obvious they resented me. Chris dad had been in hospital with his nerves so they knew what mental illness was like.
We had been discussing getting married before I got ill and as I got ill and things got worse I still wanted to get married but couldn't cope with anything big. There was so much pressure for 2 years to do it 'properly' with everyone there from his family mostly that I felt more pressured and trapped, Chris thought I would get over it and said he would not marry me without his family there, Im not great at public speaking or wedding type stuff but suffering with aniety and panic, I was soooo much worse.
I thought about it as if I was Chris and then if Chris was ill, I loved him so much, I would have done anything to stop him being in pain. He couldn[t do the same for me. He was too frightened of what his mother would say.
We married in the end nearly two years ago.....what a mistake. It was a lovely day but obvious he missed his parents there.....that to me I understand....anyway....
About a year and a half ago, I went on a hen do and one of the girls who was a friend of a friend, came back to mine for a drink while she waited for a cab.....she then came onto me and I didn't push her away. (I had 3 bisexual experiences at 18). I felt empowered and so good about myself,,,,released actually. I told hubby and he was very excited, told me he thought I had supressed my sexuality and that I should find some bisexual women to 'play with'. I looked around but I wasn't happy to do that. It wasn;t what i wanted....he pushed it so much for his own thrills.
Some time some months later, I woke up one day and felt differently about my husband. I wonder if it was the fact i thought he was my soul mate and loved him so much I felt sick and couldn't believe how perfect we seemed, I thought it was too good to be true. Maybe him not putting me first, his childishness or whatever,,,,,,I don't know. I felt I loved him more like a friend. We talked and carried on but sex was getting very little, it had been for about 3 years since I had a colposcopy....but this was silly...we had a fab sex life and I have always had a high sex drive and very experimental. We had done all those things, it was ace but I started feelingl pressured to have sex...it still hurt inside for a while and he pestered me for sex. I felt like I had to just let him get on with it.....I started to resent him as i felt he just needed to empty his balls.
We both thought that as I was on anti depressants and had had lots of stress....my sex drive had gone down but I was starting to imagine what it would be like to be with someone else....?
I felt very turned on.....hubby suggested due to my high sex drive etc....that I was probably a swinger and we should find a couple to play with. here we go again wanting to see me with a woman but also now a man and he wanted to watch and join in.
We looked around and then a few months ago, after getting to know this man, we invited him over.....very nervous all of us....I wanted to be alone with this man 1st as I was scared but that was great. Hubby then came in and tried to join in but couldn't be hard infront of him.
Our problems were still here and we were argueing more.....I then met someone on a swinging site who was married and we chatted for ages,,,,met up alone for coffee and then he met hubby too....wanted to be sure all was fine, he is married and his wife lets him play as he has a high sex drive and she has literally none. We all went out walking as a four and me and him carried on together now and then. We talked on the phone and text....it was fab and we have got quite close.....as best friends although we know we have quite strong feelings for eachother, he doesn't want to leave his wife and child. Don't blame him but the point is, he is on my mind way too much.........
Do I need to get my independance back and be alone?
I had a miscaariage in Oct this year, this is when I started talking to this man I see now.....The miscarriage seems to have brought everything to the surface...Im now not sure what to do....
Sorry this is long.....please any advice you can!
Hubby is trying so hard and we talk a lot....we have a brilliant life apart from the sex and intamacy but thats more like a friendship!
Thank you xxxxx
I met my husband 7&1/2 years ago, I was a very outgoing, confident, pretty wild woman, independant etc.....I have come from a very unstable, rocky upbringing with much high stress which has continued into adulthood and has stemmed from my mother....we have had a very rocky relationship, she is very manipulating and emotionally abusive...has been all my life, but I keep her in my life as she is my mother and well...I want to have some kind of 'mother/daughter' relationship.
I met my husband at a stressful time, I had left my job due to stress and was signed off sick, I had my own home and I loved it, I had a few short term relationships and had been looking for someone special but never found him. I put this down to my upbringing and having issues or just being too needy?
After 4 months, I rented my house and moved into my hubbys house (then b/f). My b/f (Chris), had never had a long term relationship and had only had two short term relationships and 3 one night stands. I had had 3 long, serious relationships and many many short term ones....
Chris's family lived around the corner and his mother was always trying to take over and do things I should be doing or wanted to do like planting things in our garden etc,.,I found it hard to deal with and the fact his family were very close and happy....I have come from 2 divorces and moved all over, lots of disruption, it was what I wanted but also felt quite overwhelming. There was a woman at work who was a close friend who started to flirt and act inappropriatly towards Chris, he let this go on for ages even though i told him,,,he agreed it was wrong but didn't want to cause any trouble, that was the 1st thing he did where he didn't stand up for me and put me 1st. There has been endless times throughout and the worst of all was when we got married.
We had a stressful time at the hands of my mother again and when we finally got to go away, I suffered a panic attack at the airport, here started about 4 years of anxiety and panic attacks.......
Chris family made out they were supportive but as we were not over as much, it was felt to me obvious they resented me. Chris dad had been in hospital with his nerves so they knew what mental illness was like.
We had been discussing getting married before I got ill and as I got ill and things got worse I still wanted to get married but couldn't cope with anything big. There was so much pressure for 2 years to do it 'properly' with everyone there from his family mostly that I felt more pressured and trapped, Chris thought I would get over it and said he would not marry me without his family there, Im not great at public speaking or wedding type stuff but suffering with aniety and panic, I was soooo much worse.
I thought about it as if I was Chris and then if Chris was ill, I loved him so much, I would have done anything to stop him being in pain. He couldn[t do the same for me. He was too frightened of what his mother would say.
We married in the end nearly two years ago.....what a mistake. It was a lovely day but obvious he missed his parents there.....that to me I understand....anyway....
About a year and a half ago, I went on a hen do and one of the girls who was a friend of a friend, came back to mine for a drink while she waited for a cab.....she then came onto me and I didn't push her away. (I had 3 bisexual experiences at 18). I felt empowered and so good about myself,,,,released actually. I told hubby and he was very excited, told me he thought I had supressed my sexuality and that I should find some bisexual women to 'play with'. I looked around but I wasn't happy to do that. It wasn;t what i wanted....he pushed it so much for his own thrills.
Some time some months later, I woke up one day and felt differently about my husband. I wonder if it was the fact i thought he was my soul mate and loved him so much I felt sick and couldn't believe how perfect we seemed, I thought it was too good to be true. Maybe him not putting me first, his childishness or whatever,,,,,,I don't know. I felt I loved him more like a friend. We talked and carried on but sex was getting very little, it had been for about 3 years since I had a colposcopy....but this was silly...we had a fab sex life and I have always had a high sex drive and very experimental. We had done all those things, it was ace but I started feelingl pressured to have sex...it still hurt inside for a while and he pestered me for sex. I felt like I had to just let him get on with it.....I started to resent him as i felt he just needed to empty his balls.
We both thought that as I was on anti depressants and had had lots of stress....my sex drive had gone down but I was starting to imagine what it would be like to be with someone else....?
I felt very turned on.....hubby suggested due to my high sex drive etc....that I was probably a swinger and we should find a couple to play with. here we go again wanting to see me with a woman but also now a man and he wanted to watch and join in.
We looked around and then a few months ago, after getting to know this man, we invited him over.....very nervous all of us....I wanted to be alone with this man 1st as I was scared but that was great. Hubby then came in and tried to join in but couldn't be hard infront of him.
Our problems were still here and we were argueing more.....I then met someone on a swinging site who was married and we chatted for ages,,,,met up alone for coffee and then he met hubby too....wanted to be sure all was fine, he is married and his wife lets him play as he has a high sex drive and she has literally none. We all went out walking as a four and me and him carried on together now and then. We talked on the phone and text....it was fab and we have got quite close.....as best friends although we know we have quite strong feelings for eachother, he doesn't want to leave his wife and child. Don't blame him but the point is, he is on my mind way too much.........
Do I need to get my independance back and be alone?
I had a miscaariage in Oct this year, this is when I started talking to this man I see now.....The miscarriage seems to have brought everything to the surface...Im now not sure what to do....
Sorry this is long.....please any advice you can!
Hubby is trying so hard and we talk a lot....we have a brilliant life apart from the sex and intamacy but thats more like a friendship!
Thank you xxxxx