Black-Day
20th December 2009, 07:43 AM
hi, just found this site and have read alot of good advice to others and was hoping that i could get some help on my situation,
here is the story, me and my wife met in 2001 at collage, we moved in together after a few months and lived quite happily for a time then in 2002 she fell pregnant and had an abortion, at the time i did not tell her that i wanted to keep our child, i bottled up my emotions as to try and protect her, (daft i know but i was young) during the following year i asked her to marry me several times, each time she refused (she didn't/doesn't believe in marrage) but then on chrismas day 2003 she asked me and i said yes, we were married the following april, and lived very happily i thought for 2 years, then she started a new job and i was constantly stressed nothing i could do to help, and i tried everything, after a year the rent went up and we could no longer afford to stay in our house so she wanted us to move in with her mother/sister/brother (they all dislike me and don't know we are married), to save some money i sugested that she go there and i would stay with friends as we had been having problems, she insisted that i went with her and so i agreed, upon moving in she told me that she was ashamed of asking me to marry her and wish she hadn't gone through with it,(did it because she didn't want to loose me, or so she says)
we lived there for a year(with her having to defend me to her family and me being constantly riddiculed by her family) before being able to find a place we could afford, we moved in and things seemed to be going well, i was suffering from depresion at the time, things had started to get very tence between us and we seemed to constantly argue, she started spending a lot of time at her mums a place i didn't feel comfotable, so she went alone, in may of this year we had a big arguement (i saw her showing interest in another man and told her i was worried about it) and she told me that it was nothing, it came up that she wasn't happy with the way i had been acting and she wanted me to be myself (not what her family wanted me to be), i realised i needed space to do this so moved into the spare room, (i realise now it was a bad idea, but needed to clear my head)
we started to get on better and i thought things were getting better untill about a month later i discovered that she was spending a lot more time with the om at which point she told me he had asked her out (he knows both of us) and she had been talking to him about our problems, and that she wasn't happy with things with us (first time i had heard about this) we started getting on better (i thought) and then 3 weeks later we all went out together and i got seperated from them, that night i collapsed at home and when she came home found me and called an ambulance,(called the om to take her to the hospital) we were there all night but she stayed in the waiting room with the om and didn't see me once, after i was released we came home and she told me she wanted some space to think and was going to stay at her mothers for a week, i got upset but accepted that she needed time to think, we didnt speek for a week, then we went out for a meal and drinks, and had a great night she told me she had never been more attracted to me, then she went away for the weekend with the om when she returned she moved into his (01/11/09) and has been living with him ever since but told me that nothing had happened between them and wouldn't for at least 6 months, while telling me she loves me and misses me and that they are not a couple, but has told me today that she has now had sex with him out of comfort but wouldn't tell me how long its been going on, i still love her and want her back, and she says she doesn't love him, i dont know what to do, i know most people will say to move on and i am trying but she wants to stay married to me and says she wants me in her life, its messed my head up hearing that she has been sleeping with him, she even said that part of the reason she let it happen was so i wouldn't want her back, but i'm not sure, can anyone offer any advice
here is the story, me and my wife met in 2001 at collage, we moved in together after a few months and lived quite happily for a time then in 2002 she fell pregnant and had an abortion, at the time i did not tell her that i wanted to keep our child, i bottled up my emotions as to try and protect her, (daft i know but i was young) during the following year i asked her to marry me several times, each time she refused (she didn't/doesn't believe in marrage) but then on chrismas day 2003 she asked me and i said yes, we were married the following april, and lived very happily i thought for 2 years, then she started a new job and i was constantly stressed nothing i could do to help, and i tried everything, after a year the rent went up and we could no longer afford to stay in our house so she wanted us to move in with her mother/sister/brother (they all dislike me and don't know we are married), to save some money i sugested that she go there and i would stay with friends as we had been having problems, she insisted that i went with her and so i agreed, upon moving in she told me that she was ashamed of asking me to marry her and wish she hadn't gone through with it,(did it because she didn't want to loose me, or so she says)
we lived there for a year(with her having to defend me to her family and me being constantly riddiculed by her family) before being able to find a place we could afford, we moved in and things seemed to be going well, i was suffering from depresion at the time, things had started to get very tence between us and we seemed to constantly argue, she started spending a lot of time at her mums a place i didn't feel comfotable, so she went alone, in may of this year we had a big arguement (i saw her showing interest in another man and told her i was worried about it) and she told me that it was nothing, it came up that she wasn't happy with the way i had been acting and she wanted me to be myself (not what her family wanted me to be), i realised i needed space to do this so moved into the spare room, (i realise now it was a bad idea, but needed to clear my head)
we started to get on better and i thought things were getting better untill about a month later i discovered that she was spending a lot more time with the om at which point she told me he had asked her out (he knows both of us) and she had been talking to him about our problems, and that she wasn't happy with things with us (first time i had heard about this) we started getting on better (i thought) and then 3 weeks later we all went out together and i got seperated from them, that night i collapsed at home and when she came home found me and called an ambulance,(called the om to take her to the hospital) we were there all night but she stayed in the waiting room with the om and didn't see me once, after i was released we came home and she told me she wanted some space to think and was going to stay at her mothers for a week, i got upset but accepted that she needed time to think, we didnt speek for a week, then we went out for a meal and drinks, and had a great night she told me she had never been more attracted to me, then she went away for the weekend with the om when she returned she moved into his (01/11/09) and has been living with him ever since but told me that nothing had happened between them and wouldn't for at least 6 months, while telling me she loves me and misses me and that they are not a couple, but has told me today that she has now had sex with him out of comfort but wouldn't tell me how long its been going on, i still love her and want her back, and she says she doesn't love him, i dont know what to do, i know most people will say to move on and i am trying but she wants to stay married to me and says she wants me in her life, its messed my head up hearing that she has been sleeping with him, she even said that part of the reason she let it happen was so i wouldn't want her back, but i'm not sure, can anyone offer any advice