To leave OR not to leave?????

[miss kiwi]

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I"m not sure where to begin....I have Fibromyalgia which has made it difficult to follow written directions as you can see. My writing is not blue,.......it is black!! What did I do wrong?

I have been married twice. I am an enabler and codependant. I really didn't feel matched to either husband but felt I could help them somehow. I'd like to think that in some ways I did.

I have been married to my 2nd husband for 13 years now. I am 54, he is 63. Things went well or so I thought, until I felt that he was on occassion, lieing to me about little stuff. As time went on I began to feel that he didn't really want me to have other friends, he has totally alienated my 26 year old son from my first marriage because he doesn't live up to what Jim thinks he should be. He doesn't get along well with almost anyone in my family and really would be content to have me all to himself!

I got sick 9 years ago and he has been at my side whenever I needed him. Totally supportive. But he has no retirement, no insurance and hates his job. I worry that I am the burden; he would be much better alone where he wouldn't have to spend as much and could live as he liked. He does, or rather, shall I say, can have a very charming personality so I think if I left he would find another.

I just don't feel like I'm growing anymore. He swears, I hate it. I've asked him kindly to stop; he won't. I would like to go to church together but if we do, he sits and makes jokes.

But I still love a lot about this man. After all, he is a child of God. And who am I?

I'm heartsick; wanting to see my son, wanting to be a family again, wanting to get well. But I don't want to see him suffer.

Any opinions?? I NEED some good advice!!

love,
mk:confused:

[Unregistered]

It seems that you have many issues here that are probably making it difficult to focus on what is most important. You! You label yourself as an "enabler" and a "codependant," but what you are forgetting that you are also a person with needs, wants and desires. Too often, spouses assume identities to accomodate their husbands or wives in order to maintain a sense of control, but over time, when their spouse changes, they feel compelled to be someone they're not. Have you ever tried individual counseling? Maybe focusing on what YOU need to be happy, finding ways to enjoy yourself as a person independent of your spouse would help. Perhaps then your spouse will see you in a different light, and come to realize he needs to accept you the way you really are. If you want to go to church, GO! With or without him. Find a hobby you enjoy or take a class. I realize your physical health presents limitations, but your spiritual health needs attention too. I wish you the best. Life is too short to remain unhappy, and only you can make changes to make yourself happy. Hard advice to take, I realize, but take little steps for yourself. I think your spouse will also realize, on his own, that you are far more valuable to him than he knows. Take care, and my best to you.