Desolate

[MarkHenley]

This is my first post on this site, and I apologise for arriving bearing bad tidings.
I arrived home on Tuesday evening, after being away for the day, to find that my partner had left me, taking our 2 little boys with her(8 & 5). She had left me a brief 2 line note, saying that she had to go as things were too bad between us, and would be in touch via a solicitor in the future to arrange contact between myself and the boys. We have been together for 12 years and, before that, friends for another 15 years or so.
She is my best friend, and she and the boys are my life.
Getting through the next hour is difficult enough at the moment; never mind the next day or week. It really does feel like the end of my world.
She has obviously planned her departure well, as she has left no trace of where she and my sons have gone, and I have had literally no word or contact from her since she left. I don't know what to do.

[spiderman]

Feel for you mate...just hang in there and look after yourself......just keep posting your feelings here its a way of expressing yourself.

Lee

[Wedgewood]

Although the situation seems to be well thought out on her part, give her a bit of space. Try not to ring/text her for a while, just agree with her for the time being. In my experience arguing now will only push her further away.

Keep it together and use this forum to vent your feelings. Lots of people are in the same position as you. You are not alone.

[912jws]

God Mark, that sucks, I thought my situation was bad being kicked out of my house :(
I assume you must of known that there were issues in your relationship before she did this?
I hope she gets in touch soon so you know whats going on and why :confused:
Try and keep your head together although I know it will be difficult for you at the moment :(

Jon

[spiderman]

Mark where you located in the uk ?

[MarkHenley]

Thanks for your responses.
I am in South Oxfordshire.
There are no other people involved(ie., affairs), and our relationship has never ever been remotely physically or sexually violent.
I believe that our problems are predominantly of a material nature; financial etc.
I was a high earner until 3 years ago, at which point we moved to our present location, and I decided to retrain myself for a new career. Unfortunately, it has taken me nigh on 3 years to become proficient at my new endeavour, and I had become overwhelmingly obsessed with what I was doing.
At the expense of what really matters.
I saw my neighbour earlier, and he told me that he saw a small van in our driveway on Tuesday, and also(this bit is horrifying) a police car. So, I rang the police, and eventually was put through to a lady officer in the Oxford DOMESTIC ABUSE UNIT!!!! She explained that, even though there was not any hint of allegations of physical abuse/threatening behaviour etc, they had been there to, and I quote, "prevent me from coming home unexpectedly and attempting to talk my partner out of moving"! What the hell...........
I am led to believe that my partner and children may be in some form of temporary accommodation for women. I am going quietly insane.

[Jenn]

Yuck! not the most eloquent word, but the first that came to mind when I read your last post.

What a dramatic exit to say the least!

Do the police actually come out to "prevent (people) from coming home unexpectedly and attempting to talk (their) partner out of moving"!??????

It's absurd....

Hang in there, Mark.

Jen

[MarkHenley]

Apparently, if the police are informed by any outside organisation or agency that there is even a faint possibility of a breach of the peace, then the police MUST attend.
Considering the complete and utter lack of anything historical which would remotely point to the possibility of a 'breach of the peace', I'm confused as to how low the evidence threshold is for police attendance.
It feels as though I have awoken in some form of crazy alternative reality.

[MarkHenley]

I have been advised to apply to the court for something called a 'Seek & Find' Order.
Has anybody on here ever had any experience of using one of these?

[Ageing Grace]

http://www.compactlaw.co.uk/free_legal_information/children/childf5.html

You apply for one of these on the basis that: [a] Your children have been abducted without your knowledge, and [b] somebody knows where they are. The order is served on the person who knows where they are.

It's a drastic action. Perhaps you should wait, at least a couple of days, to see if the information is revealed to you voluntarily.

Why are your posts so dry? Is this your way of handling extreme emotional fallout, or has anybody else told you before that you communicate too factually?

Thank you for your posts, Mark. Hope you sleep tonight, even if only a little while.
AG

[MarkHenley]

Hi
Re the dryness; it's just my way of keeping things together, I suppose.
The actual emotions are so overwhelming at the moment that I only really have a very tenuous grip on anything. There are tiny little 'triggers' which exist all around me. Like seeing my boys' toothbrushes, or standing on a piece of Lego. Different times are triggers too; like around 3.45pm when the boys would arrive home, or 7.00pm when we'd all cuddle up on the sofa to watch kids TV for half an hour with milk and biscuits.
The post arrived this morning, and amongst it was the new school photographs taken 2 weeks ago. Hit me like a truck.
Everything's gone.

[Ageing Grace]

How awful for you.

Any news yet? Is she British - I mean, what's the likelihood your kids really have been abducted?
(Don't answer that if you don't want to think about it ...)

AG

[Asil]

Hi Mark - I also am a new poster to the forum and I am horrified by the situation you have found yourself in.

I hope a civilised solution can be reached - and that your children get the care and attention they will no doubt need after such a drastic change to their living arrangements.

[ken94]

It is kind of copy and past of my story.
If you want to have a look.

Amazingly enough I have the kids living with me now because she didn't want them.

I didn't see them for 8 weeks and the police was useless. They told me it is a family matter and can't get involved. For finding where is my wife : as she was at a refuge no-one told me where she was. The school, the GP, the police ... everybody knew but wouldn't tell me as she went to a refuge.

She then contacted me by phone and we met. It was really weird.

I know where you are right now so courage !

[MarkHenley]

Thank you all for your kind responses.
It's Monday now, and 6 days since I have seen or heard from my partner and children.
I desperately do not want to do anything which will inflame the situation, but at the same time I find it unbearably hard to just sit here and twiddle my thumbs.
My partner is British, and I am 100% certain that she has no intention of leaving the country. Me, probably. But the country, no.
Just to add to the problem, we have sold our house, and next Monday is supposed to be completion day!
I feel as though my mind is disintegrating.

[spiderman]

keep the faith mate....have you got somewhere to go when the house sale is completed?

Were you moving to somewhere else anyway?

Lee

[Ageing Grace]

Wow. Good news about the kids! I'm sorry you're in for such a stressful time, Mark (just coming up to Christmas, what joy), but it's nice that you will have them around you for the holidays.

Your story is astonishingly similar to Ken's - did you read it? It has a good ending!

Try and pay attention to life's small gifts; it really does help.
All the best,

AG

[MarkHenley]

There would seem to be no guarantee that I shall see my partner and children for quite some time, never mind Christmas. Should she choose to simply not get in touch, then I am led to believe that the legal system can take many months to 'force' any sort of agreement into place. I'm devastated to be even considering the notion that she would wish to prevent me from seeing our boys. We are all so close to each other. And we all know it.

[Ageing Grace]

I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood something you wrote.

I assume you've asked all your in-laws, friends and so on for help?

This may sound stupid right now, but you HAVE to make sure you eat properly, get some sleep and take sufficient overall care of yourself. You will need to be healthy. See your doctor, if you haven't already.

Please stay in touch.

[ken94]

AG,

It is me who have the kids now and since February. So that is 9 months with me and she only saw them few days only.

MH,

Yes if she filed for absusive behavior which can be as little as nearly nothing if you check a refuge website then she can do a lot. And you not seing the kids is not a problem for the twisted system.
I would say I was lucky.
I my case the inlaw were agaisnt me and didn't answered me.

As AG said try to eat !
It is an order !

Ken

[MarkHenley]

Thanks, everyone. It's nice to know you're out there.

[MarkHenley]

It's now 8 days since my partner and children left.
Still no contact of any description whatsoever. Our house is supposed to be empty and the keys handed over in 5 days time. As it stands at the moment, I've been unable to hold myself together enough to plan or do any packing. Had about 20 hours sleep in 8 nights, and have lost half a stone in weight. Keep bursting into tears unexpectedly-very little grip upon my emotions.
The thing which is confusing me the most is that I'm beginning to believe that she must be trying to destroy me, from the inside out. Yet we've never had any sort of abusive relationship. We both adore our children, and they love us with all their little hearts. If she needs to be rid of me, then that is her choice. But why she would choose to do this in such a destructive way I just cannot begin to comprehend. It feels as though I never knew her at all.
It makes you wonder if life is just a race; one winner and many losers. Every race runs it's distance, and right now I feel I just cannot run any further.

[ken94]

Keep faith man !

When I saw my Wife after she was in a refuge she was traumatised. We fantasise on how well she must be but in fact it is close to hell where she is. Losts of really abused women which aren't very nice anyway. And the conditions living there are awful.

So it isn't a nice holiday she signed in for.

She will contact you but don't forget that the rule there is NOT to contact their partner otherwise they will face eviction !
Bear this in mind.
And that's why she doesn't contact you.
She knows that you're hurting and that the kids are hurting to to not see you.

Be patient she will contact you at some point.

Ken

[arcos]

Hey Mark..... Hang in there.

It is a few words that are said and often are quite annoying at times. Being in a similar situation myself I have heard, Be Patient, Be Strong, Hang in there amongst many other 'comforting' words that have really, at times, been the last thing I wanted to hear....

I wanted to hear, and still do, words that are NOT encouragement but words that would allow me to simply break down and let everything out, the shouting, the screaming, the crying, the anger.

Let your frustration out yes BUT you do have to be strong and hold it all together, for you and for the sake of your children, but most of all for YOU right now!

My situation is so similar to yours although different, and dare I say taken a turn for the worst, but I still hang in there.

There are a LOT of people here who can give you GREAT advice and GREAT support..... USE IT!!

I did and it is what has kept me almost(?) sane for the past few months.

Really Mark, post here regularly and often. Your 'dryness' is understandable but don't let it get in the way of crying!

Hey, my words are not great, sorry. I am still f'd up with stuff going on with my position and not seeing my children.

Keep it real man!!

[muddy mudguard]

You can make an Emergency Application to the Courts to see your children. It perfectly acceptable to do that. That's your first port of call, secondly you will need to inform the Courts if there is anyone (Police, Friends, Doctor, Kids School) who know where she is and how to contact her - they can then serve her the relevant papers.
Call your local courts and find out what form it is and how soon they can get you in, explain the situation to them and they will help you.
Seriously that's messed up! I had an ex who did something similar, she left, took the little one and wouldn't tell me where she was. IF she's in a refuge then fine, she can still attend a Court Hearing to allow you access to your kids.
There's also a Form C4 - that is to allow you to know the Children's whereabouts.

http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/HMCSCourtFinder/GetFormsCat.do?court_forms_category=children%20act

Good luck Mark - I'll be thinking of you.

[MarkHenley]

I cannot thank you all enough for your responses. Real kindness.
I miss her so much, it feels like a horror movie version of Groundhog Day, where you get killed every day. Each morning I awaken with a positive hope that today will be the day in which she contacts me, and every night I go to bed in tatters. Got two teddies(one from each of my boys) which I'm hanging onto all night. The notion that she and the boys could be in a hostel somewhere, possibly in harms way, is driving me out of my mind. Packing toys away into boxes, surrounded by ghosts.
Why do we always realise our mistakes when it's just too late? Stupid.

[MarkHenley]

Contact at last!, Well, of a kind anyway.
She has engaged a solicitor based in Oxford. It means that, at long last, I will be able to start to work towards seeing our children. I'd obviously love to see her too, she is/was my best friend aside from being my partner, but I doubt that there will be any chance of that. Still, it's a step forwards after all the falling backwards of the last 10 days.

[ken94]

She is upset and attack first.
So be nice and understanding.
Don't attack her back let her cool down.

Courage

Ken

[Jenn]

Great news, Mark!

[MarkHenley]

Rather bizarrely, I have now found out that she engaged her solicitor some 3 months ago! Talk about 'planned'! And, even stranger, her solicitor does not know where she is, and has no way of contacting her apart from some sort of an intermediary address. It reminds me of those 'supergrass' trials of the 1970's, when they would place witnesses under protection in safe houses. Where the woman has been subjected to physical or violent abuse, or, even worse, where the children have been abused, I can understand it. But in these sorts of circumstances, when the woman merely wishes to break away, it seems a little heavy handed. Especially when there are children involved, who will be missing their dad like crazy.

[spiderman]

must say Mark she does seem to be taking things to the extreme acting like this?

Lee

[MarkHenley]

It's like some sort of a 'Do A Runner Like Lord Lucan' service, just for women.
Crazy.

[Jenn]

Is she a dramatic person by nature? Maybe she is avoiding any opportunity for you to talk her back????

So unfair to you!

[MarkHenley]

I think that you are right.
She has probably decided that talking to me was not going to be helpful, as she didn't want anybody questioning her proposed actions. I'm utterly confused, though. She has always been a wonderful mother, but in this instance she has obviously put her own feelings and emotions a long way before those of the children.

[MarkHenley]

It is 17 days since I have seen or heard from my partner and our children. I feel as though I'm starting to suffer from something like panic attacks. Racing irregular heartbeat, and a feeling of overwhelming fear and anxiety. Christmas is looming, and I find it impossible to imagine it without the boys in my life.

[spiderman]

Try to breathe deeply mark when you feel the panic attacks start long deep slow breaths mate....ok

What you are feeling is normal for what you are going through...if it gets any worse I would go and see your GP and explain, maybe a mild sedative could help?

I feel like that sometimes buddy.....its awful isnt it ?

Lee

[Jenn]

Try taking deep breaths through your nose and releasing slowly out of your mouth. Don't be afraid to let yourself cry if you feel the urge - you actually do feel a bit better after.

Do you have other family you can be with at Christmas?

[MarkHenley]

The feeling of dislocation is overpowering. A constant, awful sense of not being where I should be which follows me everywhere.

[jkk]

Hi

i think you should see a doctor/counsellor to help you cope with your situation. Panic attacks/depression/anxiety are all natural feelings after you have had a dreadful shock. It really helps to talk to someone about what is happening in your life, and how to cope with the physical effects of emotional trauma.

Life will get better - even if you can't see it at the moment. You need to reach out and grab any support you can from friends, relatives, doctors, helplines can be pretty good! One kind person spoke to me for nearly an hour during a particularly nasty panic attack i had.

Do what you can, try not to worry about the things you cannot do anything about, or the things you can't change. Try to eat sensibly, sleep, and take exercise - even a long walk can help,

YOU WILL GET OVER THIS!

jkk

[MarkHenley]

Thanks again for all of your kind responses.
It's now been 3 weeks-21 days-since I last saw or heard anything from my family.
My solicitor says I can do absolutely nothing until they emerge from wherever(refuge in Oxford?) they have been since they left. My children have not been to school(any school) during that period, and I am distraught at the thought of them missing all of the Christmas build up at school. It all just seems so utterly bloody unfair on them, and I shall never be able to understand why she chose a particular course of action which was always going to impact so horribly upon them. Imagine it; you are 8 or 5 years old, and you set off out to school as normal one morning. Then, at lunchtime, Mummy arrives to collect you for a 'dentist appointment'; you are bundled into a strangers car and driven off, being told that you are never going back home again, you are not going to go back to school, and, you will not be seeing your Daddy again.
Utterly horrendous.

[spiderman]

Mark

Your kids must be as confused as confused things in confusedland mate ??

Just keep yourself occupied where you can to take your mind offof the situation...difficult I know....

Lee

[Ageing Grace]

Your kids must be as confused as confused things in confusedland mate ??

Couldn't have put it better :D

Mark:


Go for a walk.

Make an appointment with your doctor. If you tend to come over all "Fine!" when you get into the consulting room, print out one of your posts here & take it with you.

Learn to do the breathing exercise people mentioned above.

Do something - anything - to take up your focus. One member here renovated his bathroom; somebody else took karate classes; Wedgwood's rejoined his pool team; a friend of mine learned to ride; many people take their motorcycle test. Just pick something involving, constructive - and get started!

Believe this will get better. It will. What you're going through is like an illness, it weakens you but you will recover.


Sending my very best thoughts,
AG

[arcos]

Mark

AG is right! Get out there and do something constructive! It really helps! I started playing guitar again after a very long break and it has helped keep me out of the pub and my mind off not seeing my boys for 9 weeks!

Hang in there. I did, just about, and last weekend finally saw my boys again! :D

It is so hard when you are stuck in the middle of crap like this and especially when your ex is being so 'negative'(?).

Look out for yourself and everything WILL come right for you, it takes time!!

When things are at their darkest, light is only just around the corner! (Sorry if that is misquoted!)

[MarkHenley]

The most frustrating thing at the moment, is that Womens Refuges, whilst fulfilling a vital (and unfortunately necessary) service, seem to be able to operate outside of the rule of law.
I am staggered to be told that, if a woman decides to remain within a refuge and not change any of her address details at all, then a court has no way of serving documents upon her.
Anonymity and secrecy of location are, of course, critically important. But, to be told that I will "just have to wait until she breaks cover" because I have no physical conduit by which to arrange for the service of court paperwork, is ridiculous. Surely to God, in the 21st Century, it should not be beyond the wits of the courts, the police, and the outreach workers, to be able to organise a safe mechanism by which due process can continue, whilst simultaneously guaranteeing confidentiality.
As I said, staggering.

[georgie]

Hi Mark,
I'm so sorry to read about what you've been going through. My thoughts and best wishes are with you, I can only imagine the mental anguish that you must be suffering and wish I knew of some way to help.
You've been given some great advice re: GP. As I see it you have a long emotional and possibly legal battle ahead of you and you will need your strength and mental faculties to fight it. So Sleep, food, excercise, talking to friends, posting on here... they're all musts to relieve some of the pressure. If your not sleeping get something to help you sleep, otherwise you will lose perspective and the ability to think rationally. Please look after yourself, so that you have the strength to get through this. Dont be too hard on yourself, allow yourself to grieve. It must be unbearably hard for you and my heart really does go out to you. x

[Jackie-Jhonson]

Is there absolutely no way to find out where is she staying? Maybe you can catch her at work, her friend's house. You can also go through her emails or take a look at the phone bill to see what number she called the day she left... Tough...

[MarkHenley]

The difficulty, and probably the most important thing for both our children's' future (and my own sanity), is to try to 'split' the two issues. I.e., my feelings in relation to her, and why she felt she had to leave, and my over-riding sense of desperation in relation to not seeing the children.
If she had left, but had also started to make arrangements or negotiations re contact etc, then everything would still be traumatic, but not at the near constant panic level I am at.

[Ageing Grace]

That's very perceptive, Mark. Your alarm for the children must be even harder to bear as Christmas approaches.

As you say, it is important for you to separate your feelings about her - and her actions - from your concerns as a parent. The latter have potentially long-term, and far-reaching, implications ... and should be more readily resolved using the law. Not all that 'readily', I agree, but the systems exist and you will be able to use them.

Dependent on how confused your feelings are at the moment, you may be able to look at the issue of getting back in touch with your kids as your overriding concern - and your wife as the obstacle which must be overcome.

I really think you'd benefit from some assistance in sorting out your thoughts & feelings. If you haven't yet found a counsellor, it's time you did - emotional confusion prevents effective action (I know this to my cost!).

Have you got in touch with the various organisations that help fathers in your position? The only one I know of is Gingerbread - there's also that group famous for demonstrating in Superman outfits (name?) and there are others, as well. Presumably there are also lawyers specialising in this. Ken94 might have more specific information.

As a first step forward, try writing down some objectives towards re-establishing contact with your children.

Try to gain focus. Take deep breaths. Eat! Get sleeping pills if you need them. Good luck :)

AG

[MarkHenley]

I confess to finding the idea of my (ex)partner seeking to prevent our children from seeing their dad to be, firstly unbelievable and, secondly, utterly cruel and repugnant.
To view small children in such a proprietorial fashion, almost like a handbag or a pair of shoes, is staggeringly insensitive to their own needs.
I thought that women prided themselves upon their powers of empathy?
Disgusting.

[Wedgewood]

there's also that group famous for demonstrating in Superman outfits (name?)

AG


That would be 'Fathers 4 Justice'

[otherside]

This man's wife has left him and won't let him know where she and the children are because she is SCARED.

She posted this on another forum:

The police helped me leave because the last time I told him I was going to leave he tried to strangle me and left a huge, almost black bruise on my arm. Not long after he started taking shooting lessons and was in the process of bying a shotgun to keep in the house. I knew he would try to 'hunt me down' when I left so that is why I'm in a refuge.

Nice

[MarkHenley]

No she has not 'posted' such lies, and if you have any evidence to the contrary then please provide a link to the public forum which you have referenced.
Otherwise, get a life.

[MarkHenley]

Apologies in advance for any further trolls.
I made, what will probably turn out to be, a stupid mistake and posted a question in the 'relationship' section of a site called Mumsnet. Even more stupidly I used the same username as I have used anywhere else.
The reaction was, to put it mildly, myopic.
The answer to every question was "well, if she's in a refuge then you must be a rapist/abuser/murderer/child molester/pervert* (*delete as appropriate).
The notion that any woman could, shock-horror, actually tell a lie in order to ensure that she manages to retain 100% control over children, was not entertained.

[LT83]

hey bud,

i know what its like to be in your situation

my wife left me without any warning almost a year ago and i still havnt seen her since. she took all our possessions but fortunately we didnt have any children

she left you and wont see you because she is either scared of you or she knows that seeing you will bring back all her emotions on how much she misses you.

eventually you deal with it. and im sure you will see your children again soon.

just be patient and think with your brain not with your heart

[MarkHenley]

Thanks for that.
The only thing she would have been frightened of, and this was (apparently) confirmed at the time, was that I would not of let her remove the children from school to take them with her.
That fear would have been quite correct. If I could have prevented her from doing so, then I would have done so. However, that was then, and this is now.
The really ****ed-up thing at the moment is that I'm sure that she will be saying that she wishes to 'move on' and 'get on with her life' etc., but by refusing point blank to allow her own solicitor to commence negotiations re access and contact issues she thereby ensures that the process of 'moving on' cannot even begin.
I have two choices open to me; firstly, I use my present solicitor to mediate some form of parental agreement with her solicitor, thereby avoiding, for the good of our children, all of the protracted unpleasantness of a fight in the courts; or secondly, to go straight to court with a barrister and just get on with it. My own choice would, of course, be the former. I believe that our children should primarily live with their mother, and I only seek to spend frequent and regular time with them. The primary driver in all of this should be 'what's best for the children'. Not what's best for me or her.
But if she won't engage with the process, what choice do I really have? The barrister, whom I may have to engage, advises me that the courts will 'look dimly' upon somebody who obstructs all attempts to reach agreement in the best interests of the children involved. Apparently, there is something called 'Implacable Hostility' which, if shown, can influence the Judges' decision.
Sat next to the phone and my e-mail account all day yesterday. I still believed, right up until the end of the day, that she would somehow let me get a message to the children.
You've got to remember; this is somebody whom I have known for 25 years.
That she would now behave towards me with a degree of ruthless emotional cruelty, beyond anything she has ever done to anybody before, has been a very hard idea to take in.

[otherside]

No she has not 'posted' such lies, and if you have any evidence to the contrary then please provide a link to the public forum which you have referenced.
Otherwise, get a life.

Yes she has:

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/880487-so-did-weird-stalker-guy-get-pulled-then

there you go - here are her posts after you were banned from the forum which you decided to start posting in to give your side of the story before your threads got pulled. Just evening up the balance

[MarkHenley]

I've replied to this nonsense on the site it came from.
I love the last line in it-something about "the children are happy".
Really?

I honestly don't know why I even bothered.
They just deleted my rebuttals, but left all the shouty insults in place.
There are some seriously perceptive and hyper-intelligent people on there.
There must be, to be able to make snap judgments based purely upon two conflicting accounts, neither of which they have the remotest substantiation for.

[Ageing Grace]

Mark.

Mumsnet members do have a tendency to put men in the wrong - it's been noticed elsewhere, too. The site offers mutual support to MOTHERS, many of whom have been wronged by men. It's unreasonable to complain about members doing what they are there to do.

You must surely accept that, when a wife & mother chooses to leave the family home for a refuge - not the most comfortable of places - she is most likely driven by genuine fear & desperation.

I sympathise with your plight, but this doesn't mean I assume your wife was misguided in seeking refuge. I don't know. I was wrong, apparently, to make assumptions about Ken94's wife; as a result I'm keeping my thoughts to myself in your case. You requested personal support in this forum, and I have tried to supply some.

Some of your posts seem aggressive. I understand this might stem from your exasperation. But it may equally be a glimpse of characteristics a wife could want to flee. I can't judge you - this isn't a court, and neither is Mumsnet.

People write here (and there) in a spirit of mutual support. You do yourself no favours by firing off at those who dare to question your point of view.

AG

[MarkHenley]

You are absolutely right.
My thinking at this moment in time is tormented and confused at best.
6 weeks, including Christmas, without seeing or hearing from my children has left me in no condition to be able to form rational judgments. I am effectively running around in desperation, pressing every button in sight, in the slight hope that something, though God knows what, may come of it. I can see no way out of the loop which I'm currently revolving around.
I can certainly offer no excuses for my anger and over-reaction to false accusations.
Whilst it's absolutely true that the majority of women who are forced into refuges are fleeing violent, abusive partners, there are also other documented instances where the motive is a little more calculated. The law of this country treats children like baggage or any other personal belonging. Whoever is 'holding' the children gets an initial advantage when the issue is eventually settled in court. Pathetic, but true, and therefore open to abuse.

The only analogy I can offer is, try to imagine if(God forbid) one of your own children were ever abducted or worse. The first thing to go out of the window is rational behaviour.

Thanks for all of your help.

[spiderman]

Hey Mark whats the latest mate.....???

[MarkHenley]

Hey Mark whats the latest mate.....???
Hi
For the first time in 7 weeks, I had some good news yesterday.
Actually, some of the best news of my life.
My solicitor contacted me to say that, at last, my ex has spoken to her solicitor and is willing to agree to interim contact between the children and I. It will probably be in some awful contact centre, but as of now that just doesn't matter. I'd happily walk 50 miles over hot coals to see my children.
The downside is that there appears no hope of any form of mediated or negotiated settlement re access etc. My ex has apparently said that she wishes for a court to sort it all out. Crazy thing is, the courts, the judge, her solicitor, my solicitor, me, and our children would all wish for an amicable, mediated resolution to all future issues, but it sadly appears that is not going to be possible.
Anyway, one day at a time.
And, for the first time in 50 days, yesterday wasn't a bad day.