My husband cheated, 7 months later

[sunnyjennyb]

it has been quite a while since i posted. Things have gotten better between us. He seems truly sorry and has not went out with the guys or partied since. Is it normal to still feel so confused. Why now when he hasn't done anything to provoke my suspicions am I so suspicious. I caught myself going over old phone records to make sure things added up,I even called the phone company and started to add a babysitter on his line so I could find out where he was at all times,(I didn't do it though)Going online and looking at her myspace to check postings from that time, looking at her picture, I don't know why I am doing this to myself. He really has changed his lifestyle, In changing his lifestyle we are actually changing our whole life, we will be moving out of the area soon, We didn't do it to escape the past here, but I admit it will be nice knowing I won't run into her around town anymore. Part of me has been really wanting to confront her! I want her to know how badly she hurt me and I want to know why she did it! I just feel like its something I need to do, also I wonder if after I do if some of the anger I am carrying around with me will start to go away. I am soo happy he has changed but I still feel terrified for the future.

[Raymond]

Part of the forgiveness is forgetting SunnyJenny. This takes an effort as well. I don't know if you are still getting playbacks. If you are you need to work on it and change the thoughts with something positive. Usually doing the opposite will help like dwelling on the good thing that is happening now.

I don't know about the woman. Perhaps someone else may have insight on it. What I do know is that you must not get involved in revenge as that will be destructive for you and will mean you have not let go of the past.

I would make the effort not to check on him. Your trust of him seems to have grown. Now you need to make the effort at following through and not go through the motions of a suspicious wife.

Raymond

[sunnyjennyb]

Its not so much as i want revenge on her, its just that I want her to tell me why why did this to me, she was my friend, my husband told me what happened and is sorry and has changed his lifestyle,her and her husband wanted it kept a secret from me so we could all go on being friends, It really bothers me to see that she is perfectly fine, her husband told me it was the probably a good thing because they are closer than ever now, he was my husbands friend and he still wants to be best freinds with my husband, (he blames it all on his wife, says she has done this to him 2 times before, whenever they get into hard times she has slept with one of his friends!)Thankfully my husband cut off that friendship, I feel sorry for him but he is also a painful reminder to have around and i thinkmy hubby felt the same way. I told my husband that I wanted to confront her, he said he understood why I would want to but he thought nothing good would come of it. Maybe if I just wrote her a letter that would be better. I never understood what people go through when something like this happens, I am really thankfull i found this site, it is a relief to have someone nonbaised to chat with. Thank you so much.:rolleyes:

[Jenn]

Hi SunnyJennyB:

I think your idea of writing her a letter is a great one! I was going to suggest it myself. Even if you don't send it to her, you can at least get out some of your frustrations. If you send it, just beware that you might not find what you are looking for, but at least you have let her know how you feel

I am sorry for your situation. Personally, I have never dealt with something like this, but I imagine it takes a long time to bounce back from it. I'm sure it will get better for you in time. Try to not obsess about it and occupy your mind with positive things.

Jenn

[Raymond]

It seems to me that the crux of the matter is that it bothers you that she seems perfectly fine and you want to say something because nobody else has?

Thats fair enough I think and a thing that can be done in a letter. So long as you are not personally involved in some kind of punishment of her a reprimand cannot go amiss especially as they are supposed to be friends of yours.

Raymond

[sunnyjennyb]

I have no intention of revenge. I am not a violent person and I don't believe two wrongs make a right. But I feel this need to tell her what she has done to me and demand to know why! I have defiately decided that a letter is better than in person, and I understand that she might not even answer but at least I will get it out there and maybe it will help me put it behind me. I started composing a letter , I am unsure on how to give it to her, Im afraid to mail it for fear it will go in the wrong hands and I don't particularly want to see her , it feels very 6th grade to walk up and hand her a note.

[Raymond]

I think you will find a way of getting the letter to her.

I'm not sure that you are going to get a justifiable answer of why she did it. It was wrong and there isn't an answer to give except for an apology.

Raymond