do l leave or stay

[duggie]

Hi, this is my first post, wish it could be more positive, but lm at a loss to know what to do.

lve been married for 23yrs, have 3 boys aged 22, 20 and 19mths yes 19mths!!

The problems with my marriage began 15yrs ago when my wife got involved with Jehovah witnesses, at first it wasn't too much of a problem but as time went on my wife got so involved she began to take the kids to the JW meetings and round the streets knocking on doors, this began to worry me, mainly for the kids sake, l felt they wasnt old enough to decide on this religion and were being guided into something they wasnt able to truly understand, so the rows started, my wife would never be at home she was either attending their meetings twice a week in the evenings and sunday mornings, during the day she would be going around knocking doors. l threatened to leave on several occasions but stayed for the kids.
Over the yrs lve drifted apart from my wife, l care for her but l can't say l love her the way l should, we made a mistake in having another child, it wasnt planned but at the same time there was no way we would have considered terminating the pregnancy.
The problem is lm not sure if l can carry on living in this marriage, lm not happy and watching my wife take my youngest lad to the meetings and around the streets is putting more distance between us, l dont say much to my wife because it causes rows, l have the oppotunity to move out and rent a place, but feel guilty in leaving, l really don't know what to do.

[Raymond]

This must be very difficult for you Duggie. I think your wife has been deveived, but it is difficult as error is riding in on the back of truth. You will find that they believe they will be saved depending on how many people they witness to, which usually takes place on peoples doors. In fact salvation is a free gift if you study the scriptures and is not dependent on works, simply being the result of faith in christ. You will do good things but not to get saved.

However the brainwashing seems quite powerful. The crucial argument is the deity of christ. They believe he was a created being and not god manifested in the flesh as a normal christian would believe.

I don't think you will break this easily as they think they are the ones and every one else is lost. I think your best bet is to learn the scriptures in the new testament regarding the relationship between a husband and his wife. You will find some that may surprise you that will help your situation and that she would have to submit to.

I think if you are not happy with her taking your children to these kingdoms halls you should demand a compromise.

I don't know how you will extricate her from these meetings unless you became a real christian yourself and I don't mean a JW.

Raymond

[duggie]

The problem is my wife puts her religion first, over everything l mean everything, me included, there is no compromise. l guess lm only staying for 2 reasons, my young lad and money, my wife would struggle financially if l just got up and walked away. As l said in my first post l care for her we've been together along time, she isn't a bad person but shes totally lost in this religion.

She said she understands how l must feel but she won't change her ways. l really need to decide what to do, l cant lead the rest of my life being tormented by this, its like a desease slowly eating me away.

[georgie]

Hi Duggie, I'm so sorry u find urself in this difficult situation. I can advise u from the perspective of someone that has gone through a separation as a resullt of a distance growing in our relationsip culminating in his having an affair.
Firstly the way to reduce pain for everyone is to be totally honest. This does not eliminate pain, but it definitely reduces it substantially.
I would suggest u both go to a 'neutral' christian based counsellor together. Approach it as a means to saving and growing ur relationship together. If she does not wish to go, go on your own to work through everything.. in the UK Relate seems to be a great option (not sure they r christian based though)
Maybe write down exactly how u feel and give her the letter.
Money is not a reason to stay. U will still have a financial obligation and ur wife may be entitled to gov. assistance.
Do not lie, do not cheat/betray - as tough as the situation is it does not justify this.
I'm not sure of ur rights re: the childrens indoctrination - I would seek legal advice on this myself. I was brought up catholic in a catholic country and did make up my on mind re: organised religion when I was older, but we were not quite as 'brainwashed' for want of a better word because the old style church was begining to lose its grip .. I hope I'm not unfair I don't know that much about JW's.
If ur are honest and communicate how ur feeling, and are willing to work 100% to see if common ground can be found, no more can be asked of you. If it does not work out you can walk away integrity intact.
Good luck.

[Raymond]

Yes you have to make a decision Duggie but the only one I can see is that you leave her and your children or maybe share them.

There is a chance that you may be able to fight the deception but that would be difficult if you are not a christian. This thing is spiritual and will not respond to flesh and blood. In your position I would say that you need to be armed with what the deception is. There is a book that may help you called "30 years a Watchtower Slave" which is about someone who found release from them through becoming a christian. Sounds a contradiction but the book would explain that. It is very subtle.

I have heard of others being released from them through becoming christians and knew one personally. You don't hear of many coming out though to be honest. Being armed with knowledge about them is your best hope. The book will be a good starting point.

The cult was run from the States through a watchtower commitee of 12 people. I think that it is the same today. All the members seem to submit to their rules which is one of the hallmarks of a cult.

Raymond

[Raymond]

See this Duggie http://gwest59.tripod.com/ChristIsLord/id31.html

Your wife might be interested.

Raymond