Opinions on Engagement

[Manticore]

Hi there,

I notice a lot of the advice on here has been about current marriages, this is slightly different.

I'm 21, and have a girlfriend of 19, have been together 3 years now but we are so close, if someone were to tell me exactly how we'd feel for each other on the day I met her, I'd never have believed them.

We are both studying seperately, about 40 minutes apart, which isn't that bad. However next year we are thinking of moving in together to continue her studying and for me to work.

My question is, am I too young to get engaged? I feel like I almost shouldn't be getting engaged, not for my own reasons, but because of what other people will think of me! In that they might just think I'm moving too quick or making a rash decision that I haven't thought through.

I have suffered from anxiety in the past, and this is maybe something stopping me talking to my parents about it. I'm afraid of what they might say.

I had heard about a 'promise' you can make, involving a ring, that you will one day ask your boyfriend/girlfriend to marry you. I quite like the idea but I'm not sure if I were to do that, how long I could leave it before asking.

I've also debated getting engaged and keeping it on the low until I was confident enough to come out with it, and even then only saying that we had only just got engaged.

What are everyone's thoughts on this? I would like to hear them.

Thanks

[Manticore]

Just realised maybe this should be in the advice section!

[Raymond]

Manticore I give you my personal opinion only.

If you ask a girl to marry you and she says yes you are engaged to be married to her. It's traditional in the west to have an engagement ring but that is by the by.

I don't think it is wise to move in with her until you are married. That is my personal view as a christian.

If you do ask her to be married to you and she says yes it is wise to be open to both sets of your parents. When the marriage actually takes place is up to you both, so there is no rush.

Raymond

[Manticore]

Thanks Raymond, the moving in would have been some time next august at some point, before the next year at university starts up. We are both at the same uni you see.

I would have asked her to marry me, and thus getting engaged, next June-time, so we'd be engaged when we moved in. It's just way more logical to move in with each other (in rented accomodation) as we are engaged, than be tied into other houses with other students for the next 2 years...

Being Agnostic (hope I don't get shot down for that!) I believe the time for moving in together is only right when you feel deep down it is.

Having children however is slightly different, I don't think I could have a family without being married first.

Thanks for your views and opinions :)

[lisa3159]

Don't worry about what others may think. If you feel you and she are mature enough to handle marriage, then I think it's fine for you to get engaged. Then, make sure you educate yourselves about making a strong marriage and developing healthy relationship habits between the two of you. This will give you a step up on when it's finally the day to say "I do."

[chosen]

You seem to unsure about whether you are ready for this committment so therefore I would say that you arent ready.If you arent ready to consider marriage then there is no point in getting engaged. As for keeping it secret!!!!! Do you want her to think that you arent proud to be engaged to her?
I would also think carefully about living together. If you arent ready for marriage then how is it that are you ready to set up home together?