Kids and access

[912jws]

I just wanted to run this by everybody and to ask if you think I am being unreasonable?
I recently sent my wife a 3 month list of dates that I can have my children based on my shifts that I work, I told her that these dates could change if I have the opportunity to work overtime when it arises(need any extra cash I can get at the mo) and also if my personal plans change ie. I have something that I need to do as I also have to have a life! I told her I would give her a minimum 5 days notice which I think is pretty fair and is needed sometime when overtime is announced at work but she is saying this is not acceptable and she will not change her plans around these dates, I am thinking this is something that will need to be agreed via the solicitors to make sure it is fair.
I had asked for the kids for a couple of days over Christmas which she has knocked back as she wants to visit her family abroad as they always do over Christmas, I am disappointed with this as she is the one who has had the affair and I still don't get to see my kids on Christmas day :mad: , I understand I may well have to deal with this but she will need to realise that she will not be having the kids the following Christmas as it will need to be rotated going forward as that is only fair.

If anyone has had to go through a similar situation then your views would be appreciated as would anyone elses opinion.

Thanks

Jon

[Ageing Grace]

Hi.

You gave her a list of dates on which you can have the children.

You told her the dates may change at five days' notice.

This is not negotiation, it's instruction. No wonder she was annoyed.

Please try again, explaining that you WANT to be a father to your kids, that you appreciate SHE also has a life and commitments, and asking for her ideal scenario - from which you will work flexibly, to arrive at a mutually satisfactory schedule.

Aleternatively, you can throw money at a solicitor who will do exactly the same.

[912jws]

Thanks AG.

I did after submitting this thread decide that sending emails to and from each other was only getting each others backs up and you end up reading between the lines :rolleyes: so I said we need to talk face to face.

I met her down the pub last night and discussed flexibility and Christmas and we have come to a mutual understanding and she has been flexible, it does work when you talk face to face sometimes :D

The meeting was purely business as far as I was concerned but she had to say how the kids loved their holiday etc and I kept small talk down to virtually nothing, the sad reality is she seems to be in a far better place than I am at the moment and thats what hurts, she goes home to new man and kids, I go home to glass of wine and TV dinner and I used to be in his place 2 months ago :(
I still keep telling myself I deserve better and I shouldn't let all this concern me, it's going to take time at the end of the day and I know that, its just the usual swinging in and out of feeling sorry for myself!

At least I have Friday to look forward to and having my kids for a few days, I have not seen them for nearly 2 weeks because of the holiday last week and my work commitments :)

Jon

[Ageing Grace]

Thanks for not biting my head off, Jon :p

Yeah, it is really hard to communicate effectively when we're full of bitterness/resentment/self-pity/confusion/jealousy/sadness/anger/flu/etc :rolleyes:
Well done you for picking yourself up and putting it right! Glad it worked better this time.

I MEAN well done, too. I'm not too brilliant at advising men how to go about the self-care that we all need to attend to, especially when we're down. But giving yourself positive feedback is essential! You did really well there, high-five yourself and buy a better class of wine ;)

TV dinners are a godsend, but not if you have one every day.
Do you cook? One of my "nice to me" routines is to cook myself an absolutely brilliant meal, set the table very well for one, and enjoy it with delicious wine. I put a film on if I'm feeling solitary, but fairly often I'm so bowled over by my own culinary genius that I'm perfectly happy to eat & congratulate myself :o (Just as well nobody can hear me raving about my own cooking, heh)

You do need to be doing stuff like going to the gym or football - whatever floats your boat, sports-wise - reading more interesting books and watching new films. Expand your mind. Stay fit & healthy. Find something to love about each day.

It's great that you have the kids this weekend. I bet they're excited, too!

Take care. That's an order.
AG

[912jws]

Of course I wouldn't bite your head off ;)

Yes I am trying to be a a better cook and I will use the kids as guinea pigs up until I can entertain a lovely new lady for dinner :D
When I was on my own last year I would often be cooking for the kids and trying to be a masterchef - trying :eek:
I will try and improve this over the coming months and yes I am trying to get out running/cycling to keep myself fit, my stomach line is already pulling itself in and it makes me feel better, also going out for a run when I feel crap takes my mind off things which is good.

Have a nice weekend!

Jon