Ouch
28th September 2009, 10:39 AM
Hello everyone,
I often scan through this forum and never imagined I'd find myself here about to wail out my woes! I'm in a long-term relationship with a very loving partner. He's very supportive and open with me. However, he still regularly meets up with his ex (from his longest relationship) for coffee and keeps in touch with her. He's upfront about when they meet and although I'm not exactly comfortable I trust him. It's only my own insecurities that haunt me and rear the green eyed monster in me (my previous H was unfaithful so I have trust issues).
However out of the blue my partner has just told me that another ex-girlfriend whom he's in email contact with has suggested meeting up while he is staying with a friend of his for a holiday. He was in a relationship with her years and years ago and she's now married. He's explained that it's only to catch up and talk about what they've done over the years. But why oh why do I feel so hurt? I understand that people have amicable friendships with their exes. I understand that both he and her are no longer together but maybe childishly I can't help but feel why does he need to see her when he's with me. I'd like to say I feel betrayed but that probably sounds ridiculous! I have to accept that it's really hurting me but that I can't talk about it anymore with him or I'll risk sounding over the top or childish. I've told him I felt a little uncomfortable but I trust him and he was reassuring and understanding. I know it's me who has the issues and I'd just like to know how to deal with them. I'd never 'tell him what to do' or ask him not to meet her. I know that's wrong and I'd hate it if he did the same to me. But I resent being in the position where I'm just supposed to 'lump it'. I hate feeling like this and part of me wants to run for the hills and take cover because I'm already hurting and imagining the unlikely that I will be even more hurt is too much.
I'd really appreciate any advice on how to deal with this. Is it ridiculous of me to feel like this? I just can't get away from the idea that it's unfair when he's with me that he still wants to meet with previous partners.
Please help!
I often scan through this forum and never imagined I'd find myself here about to wail out my woes! I'm in a long-term relationship with a very loving partner. He's very supportive and open with me. However, he still regularly meets up with his ex (from his longest relationship) for coffee and keeps in touch with her. He's upfront about when they meet and although I'm not exactly comfortable I trust him. It's only my own insecurities that haunt me and rear the green eyed monster in me (my previous H was unfaithful so I have trust issues).
However out of the blue my partner has just told me that another ex-girlfriend whom he's in email contact with has suggested meeting up while he is staying with a friend of his for a holiday. He was in a relationship with her years and years ago and she's now married. He's explained that it's only to catch up and talk about what they've done over the years. But why oh why do I feel so hurt? I understand that people have amicable friendships with their exes. I understand that both he and her are no longer together but maybe childishly I can't help but feel why does he need to see her when he's with me. I'd like to say I feel betrayed but that probably sounds ridiculous! I have to accept that it's really hurting me but that I can't talk about it anymore with him or I'll risk sounding over the top or childish. I've told him I felt a little uncomfortable but I trust him and he was reassuring and understanding. I know it's me who has the issues and I'd just like to know how to deal with them. I'd never 'tell him what to do' or ask him not to meet her. I know that's wrong and I'd hate it if he did the same to me. But I resent being in the position where I'm just supposed to 'lump it'. I hate feeling like this and part of me wants to run for the hills and take cover because I'm already hurting and imagining the unlikely that I will be even more hurt is too much.
I'd really appreciate any advice on how to deal with this. Is it ridiculous of me to feel like this? I just can't get away from the idea that it's unfair when he's with me that he still wants to meet with previous partners.
Please help!