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Unregistered
28th April 2002, 06:26 PM
p2SjNj Very neat post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.

Kenneth Lane
29th April 2002, 08:11 AM
Where can I find out more info about 'Marraige MOT's? As a relationship counsellor, and a parent, I fully concur with the concept.

Happily remarried, my wife and I have a 'sort of' MOT on an ongoing daily process; culminating in weekends away at the caravan, or a boating holiday. (Switching off that phone!).

Being there, for good and bad, with your partner is everything. So, what's this MOT? In my view, its about having a meaningful relationship.

In my work, I come across many people who would have doubtless benefited from a regular 'Marraige MOT' of some kind. Specialising in post separation arrangements for children - 'rescueing' non resident parents from the Court process. In the main, they are at court simply because communication didnt work! Thus, in these circumstances, the absence of an 'MOT' works for lawyers - and the consequences are all around us.

It must be of primarly importance that Parents buy into this concept of a relationship MOT; if not for them, for their children. However, beware! There may be hidden dangers lurking.

For instance, an infrequent MOT may leave one partner feeling uncomfortable that the other had 'held on' or seemingly concealed a feeling or concern - that was perhaps quite important - for some considerable time; thereby potentially openning a 'can of worms'. In this instance, outcomes may vary, and may even be counterproductive.

Conversely, regular 'MOTs' can work. That old saying, - 'Dont go to sleep on an argument' does it for us. Others might prefer a bigger less frequent MOT, possibly involving a reraltionship counsellor; requiring an open and honest commitment from both parties, along with tolerance and mutual respect.

So, where am I with MOT's? It's a personal choice, but I feel that it's a good idea - encouraging openness and reducing the tendency to hoard concerns, that may even fester into something quite unpleasant. If couples are mindful of the quality of their relationship, regular and frequent checks are not just important; they are mandatory.

Finally, if the concept of a 'Marraige MOT' became 'fashionable', it might prove RELATE's recent forcast on the future decline of marraige to be quite wrong!

ken@contactmatters.co.uk

Liz
30th April 2002, 08:55 AM
I don't know what you mean by MOT's, but for years workers in the marriage field have been offering marriage enrichment programmes to hlep couples build up their marriages.

You can find out more from Promoting Marriage (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/promomar/) or our Health Club (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/).

We have done one of these weekends and can recommend them highly.

Dave
30th April 2002, 12:36 PM
The "Marriage MOT" idea has been floated by Scottish Marriage Care (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/scotmarcare/) based on the ReFOCCUS programme.

FOCCUS (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/foccus/) is a proven and research based Relationship Inventory which examines through a structure set of questions different areas of agreement and mis alignment in a couple's relationship. Based on the information collected a trained facilitator can work with a couple to open up areas for discussion, and then provide guidance and input, or point the couple to appropriate resources and training. Although primarily used in Marriage Preparation, the REFOCCUS inventory is aimed specifically aimed at existing relationships.

The other leading group of inventories in the UK is PREPARE/ENRICH (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/articles/couplequiz1/index2.html) which are similar in nature.

Both programmes have a deep research base demonstrating their effectiveness in use in both identifying issues in advance, and providing a solid foundation for change work to create more successful outcomes for the relationship.