He is watching porn and chats with women

[elvira]

I am 37 years old,Christian my husband is muslim,31 years old..We met in the net , fall in love and got married 2 years ago.Now we have a baby, 1 month old.A few montsh ago i found out that he was watching porn,only watching, after a few weeks he started to chat with women and registerd in many sites.I entered his prifiles and his mails, by chance.When i asked him why, he said just for fun, spending the time, and he promised that it will not happen again.But it happened, not only once.One day after i had our daughter, he was in the net again.I couldn't forgive that.I asked him for divorce.He promised me that he will stop and he really stopped, but this didn't solve my problem.From months we were not having sex at all.I was pregnant, he was tired,after the delivery i was not able to have sex, but i was not without feelings.I just needed to hug me and tell me that he loves me.I started to cry and told him that if he doesn't want me better to divorce.He said no, i love you, but still we don't do anything.Even we are afraid to talk about that.When i asked him again, what can we do to solve that, he changes the topic.I really love him, but inside myself i think he is not satisfied with me in bed, and that's why he started to do that.Now he doesn't open the sites, gave me all his passwords, goes in the coffeshop once in the week with his friends,kiss me before sleep and turn to the other side.I really don't know what to do with him.Please i need your advice.

[missconfidence]

Alot of men (and women) watch porn - theres no harm in that - Im not sure what you can do about your hubby talking to women - I take it you mean on the internet and not going out to meet them ?
Its sad that men and women (well some anyway) cant or rather dont talk to each other. Many dont know how to talk about thier feelings. This is where alot of problems start.
You are probably going to have to try again to talk to him - tell him how you feel and how his actions have hurt your feelings - if he wont talk - then you can tell him your feelings on the matter and that you are willing to sit and listen to what he has to say when he is ready.

[Raymond]

I have to disagree here as porn is very harmful to a marriage. It means the sexual drive is directed to women on the internet and away from the wife. It does have a detrimental affect on the sexual relationship within a marriage and is a kind of mental adultery. Hence he is not sleeping with you. Some men can satisfy themselves sexually with porn and chatlines etc. and don't even have to sleep with their wives. Once it gets to the stage of an addiction the marriage is in serious trouble.

I am wondering if somehow he is still into this the way he is behaving. A husband should love his wife in every way through affection and also sexually. Most men have to have sex in marriage and if this is not dissipated into porn etc. it should not be a great problem.

If he has stopped the porn it will take a bit of time to adjust to normal relations and get reality back. If it isn't that I don't know what the problem could be, but porn will certainly be a downer to a normal relationship.

Raymond

[elvira]

I have to disagree here as porn is very harmful to a marriage. It means the sexual drive is directed to women on the internet and away from the wife. It does have a detrimental affect on the sexual relationship within a marriage and is a kind of mental adultery. Hence he is not sleeping with you. Some men can satisfy themselves sexually with porn and chatlines etc. and don't even have to sleep with their wives. Once it gets to the stage of an addiction the marriage is in serious trouble.

I am wondering if somehow he is still into this the way he is behaving. A husband should love his wife in every way through affection and also sexually. Most men have to have sex in marriage and if this is not dissipated into porn etc. it should not be a great problem.

If he has stopped the porn it will take a bit of time to adjust to normal relations and get reality back. If it isn't that I don't know what the problem could be, but porn will certainly be a downer to a normal relationship.

Raymond

He is still watching now, downloading files from Internet, but hiding from me.I found his folder , hidden in another folder.If he doesn't open even once a day , he can't be normal.Still we don't have sex and this makes me feel that he dosn't enjoy it with me.All was fine until he started to watch this.I started to think that the problem is with me, but in fact th eproblem is with him.If he is not in the net , he is in th ecoffeshop with his friends, when he is back he directly goes to sleep.I sit alon all the day and can't sleep in th enight cause i wonder why it happened like that.What hurt me most was that when i asked him why he is doing that, chatting every day with 15 women and ask them to be naked on cam, registered in sites as single and so on, he said that may be i don't kno whow to keep th ehusband, so it means the fault is mine.I live in Egypt, I am from Bulgaria , and i feel solonely, i wanted him just to spend some more time with me.But the things which he likes are: Intrnet, and the naked women there, the coffeshop and his friends.I really feel very embarrased, and start to think to divorce, cause for me is not normal to watch every night that, esp.anal sex and to chat and ask women to be naked on cam, while he has a wife, and ignore me.

[Raymond]

I felt he was still doing it Elvira and you confirm that. Actually it is worse than I thought. This is no way to carry on you are right. He is probably addicted by now. He knows it is wrong because he is hiding it. It just seems he has gone underground without dealing with it.

It is actually mental adultery and thats why it is affecting you. Sex is important and should be part of your intimacy. When it is used in this way everything is muddied.

What do you think you can do about it apart from confronting him? It seems there is dishonesty taking place here which shows a gross disrespect to you.

I may be wrong here but I believe woman's rights are very low in an Islamic society and this thing could get worse as it progresses. You will have to really weigh your options if he is not even going to attempt to fix the problem.

The fault is certainly not yours. He has chosen other options because it is easier. He has the problem but it will affect you. Sexual purity is so very important in marriage.

Raymond

[chosen]

I agree raymond, porn is incredibly damaging both to the user and to their spouse. No one wins except the ones who make loads of money by making it .
It is evil. If it were my husband I would tell him that either he gets help to stop it or I will want a seperation. It has NOTHING to do with you and whether you are satisfying him in bed. many use porn regardless of whether they have a good sex life or not. it has nothing to do with you,It is him that is sinning and not you.
As raymond says it will be badly affecting the intimacy in your marriage. The only way things will improve is by him stopping and getting help to do this.he is betraying you by doing this and the fact that he is looking at other naked women must be making you feel so bad. Personally I couldnt and wouldnt put up with it.
God Bless

[elvira]

I agree raymond, porn is incredibly damaging both to the user and to their spouse. No one wins except the ones who make loads of money by making it .
It is evil. If it were my husband I would tell him that either he gets help to stop it or I will want a seperation. It has NOTHING to do with you and whether you are satisfying him in bed. many use porn regardless of whether they have a good sex life or not. it has nothing to do with you,It is him that is sinning and not you.
As raymond says it will be badly affecting the intimacy in your marriage. The only way things will improve is by him stopping and getting help to do this.he is betraying you by doing this and the fact that he is looking at other naked women must be making you feel so bad. Personally I couldnt and wouldnt put up with it.
God Bless
Thanks for teh replyies.
This morning he appeared at 4.30, spending all the night with friends.Instead to sleep with his wife, and our baby - 2 months old, i found him again in front of the computer.I appeared quietly, just to see wha he was doing.Again, ARABSEX ONLINE! He knows that i saw him, even i was watching 30 seconds what was online.Then went to light a cigar.Just was smoking and if i tell you that i can't even shout anymore, i can't even cry may be you will not believe.
I GAVE UP.
I wanted to give him some time, just to see if any cahanges.Last time i asked for divorce.He promised he will stopI think he needs help, but he is not so crazy not to understand thet i am serious.I can't play games anymore.Simply i will leave.
Thanks to all.