Social networking site and affairs

[soonb40]

Hello all
I would like some advice on a dilema I have. Many years ago, 6 years to be exact my husband had an affair a very brief one and he was caught out by his mobile. At the time we had just been marreid a year although been together 7 years, we had a toddler and a good comfortable life. It was devatsing for me finding out and to this today I dont beleive he todl me the honest truth about everything, he claimed it wasnt ever a sexual affair, even though his text messages suggested so.

I forgive him and moved on and over the last few years, we have went trhough so many highs and lows. My husband became very successful in business, we moved homes, great holidays, had more children one of them was born with very serious life limitating heart problems and we have been through so much watching our son go through repeated open heart surgery. The impact on our life has been horrendous, however we got through such times being stronger. recently my husband has been made redundant so thats another life testing period.

Anyway a few days ago I caught my husband looking up facebook for this woman he had an fafir with all those years ago. She was amongst other 10 people he was looking up, nevertheless she was amongst them. I was shocked and hurt and when i confronted him he said he was curious. He doesnt get why I am so hurst as he said he didnt contact her, however, im now thinking - is he still longing for this woman? whats going wrong that he is thinking about her again. Im also worried that if he hadnt been caught doing this, it might have led to them getting back together again. The whole thought makes me sick infact I feel Ive been thinking I just want to end my marraige now before he does something like this again.

We havent spoken for days. He thinks he can just say sorry and its okay he hasnt done anything. But he just doesnt get it, this isnt an old girlfriend its a woman who nearly broke our marriage up.

What would you do?

Angela

[Raymond]

He just doesn't get it seems to be the problem. Instead of looking forward he is looking backward. He is playing with fire. Does he realise it? Curiosity killed the cat as they say. You have to get the message accross. Many marriages have been broken up just through facebook alone. It may only start as a mental thing but it can soon progress. He is in danger of flirting with someone he already had an old relationship with. He thinks it's no harm but things can happen. I don't know what you can do apart from getting the message over to him. This site is littered with broken marriages through certain internet activity.

I think you should confront as you are doing, not necessarily in a militant way. I'd certainly confron if my wife started flirting with someone or got into situations where the chances are it often happens.

Raymond

[Johnee S]

I am playing devil's advicate here: On the other hand I suspect he does get it and is either too ignorant and selfish to care or has a couple loose marbles upstairs and should get some professional help. Since the dawn of the internet many lives have been destroyed due to such easy access to activities while remaining completely anonymous and developing a fastacy world. My marriage was nearly destroyed by a simialr expereince through a video game.

The tools and access will always be there, the will power is not for everyone. Often people ted to look for an escape from the real life pressures and issues within their lives rather then focusing on resolving the issues and turning pressures into pleasures. people look in the short term of pleasures vs. long term pain in your husband's situation. I would ask him if he is looking for an emotional affair, then ask him what he thinks he needs in your marriage to fulfill his desires and get him to stop looking for things that will literally destroy the live he has created with you.

Don't disempower your marriage, empower it by being the stronger one and living by example. Challenge him on why he does this and don't allow him to dismiss it like it's nothing. in my opinion this is far more serious then what he makes it out to be. gettinghim to open up on this will be a challenge I recommend doing so in a supportive way rather then guns blazing with shields on full.

[Johnee S]

What I meant by loose marbales upstairs is has unresolved issues from his past that need to get resolved.