Poor body image

[Unregistered]

My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for sometime now. I love him and I can't imagine not having him in my life. I want to be his wife and I want us to raise a family together, however I'm afraid that after we are married, he will leave me for someone else because I'm not beautiful enough. He has never been unfaithful to me and he keeps telling me that I'm beautiful. I'm not overweight or anything like that, I just don't like my body. People are always complimenting me and saying that I look like a model and that I'm beautiful, but instead of feeling better I feel worse.
I hate my body. I can never get thin enough or beautiful enough and I am afraid my boyfriend will realize this one day and stop loving me. We have talked about this, but I don't know how to make it better. Please help.

[Kate]

It's quite common especially with women for them to dislike their body, to see themselves as too fat or too thin, to have the wrong colour hair or curves in the wrong place. We don't stand a chance with the "Barbie" and glamour images that we are bombarded with in the media. It is good to admit how you feel about your body, because it is possible to get such a distorted view of your body that you can get into eating disorders.

What research has shown is that disliking our body or seeing it more negatively than others do is a sign of poor self-image. Your real fear seems to be that if you marry your man, that he will get bored with you and leave you. I'm sure that he loves you for more than your looks. Physical attraction alone won't sustain a long term relationship.

Perhaps it's time to accept that you are attractive and to listen to what others say of you. Remind your self of what others think when you hear the whisper inside that you aren't attractive.

Why not start building on some of the other factors in your relationship other than appearance. Why not consider doing a marriage preparation course (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/). There are a number of them described here on the site. These will help you to realise that there is more to your relationship than whether you are more attractive than the next girl to walk past your man!

[Unregistered]

Oh boy, where do i start?

Firstly i guess, i am a red-blooded male and i'm fed up of beautiful women who think they are ugly [my gf is guilty of this, but only a little].

I think you have the wrong idea of what men, and especially your boyfriend, find attractive in a woman. We do *not* [most of us] like a thin waif of a girl like those on the catwalks with eating disorders and bony unhealthy bodies, but often we rather a reasonably fit girl *who feels good showing off her assets*. Note here, that every girl has assets that she doesnt believe she has, maybe nice legs or a cute smile, that will undoubtably appeal to some if not all of us.

The best advice i can give you is to find out what your boyfriend clearly appreciates about you by asking him about women on tv and which of them he likes and which not, and which he thinks have similar appearance/style/features to you. Ask him what accentuates these qualities you have, to make the most of them.

Most importantly your partner **finds you attractive whether you understand it or not**. Dont hide from his appreciating attentions, enjoy them and show yourself off. Let him know you're glad that he fancies you and not someone else!