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View Full Version : How do you know if your ready for marriage?


Unregistered
18th April 2002, 07:30 PM
z0qvIu Very good post.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on...

Kate
19th April 2002, 08:25 PM
I'm not sure you can avoid disappointing your boyfriend, but you can be gentle and reassuring when you explain you don't feel ready yet to consider marriage.

Why not think through when you think you would be ready for marriage and how you will tell. Do you expect it to be based on feelings - to feel right - or on something more objective? Do you think you need to be a particular age or have got to a particular stage in your education or career? Are there things you want to do or see before you settle down? Do you want to know your future husband, whoever he may be, well? How do you view marriage? How do you feel about committing yourself to one person for life, or about starting a family? What do you expect married life to be like? Is there something you are afraid of in getting engaged or do you just value being single at the moment?

If you can think through some of these issues and then discuss them with your boyfriend it may be easier for him to understand and realise that your reluctance to commit is not a judgement of him.

Some couples do get married as young as 20, but the average age for first time marrieds is now over 30. I think you're wise not to rush into marriage if you don't feel sure it's right. I got engaged when I was 20 partly because everyone else was and I wanted to know where I stood with my boyfriend. Six months later, I knew it had been a mistake and it was very painful extricating myself. I went out with my future husband for nearly five years before we got married. We had times apart through jobs and worked through quite a few issues before we finally married. I think it varies from couple to couple. Some folks know soon after they meet that they want to get married and are very happy. For others it takes longer.

There are tools and courses (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/) that you can take mostly when you are engaged which can help you to prepare for marriage and sometimes couples discover that they don't want to go ahead. It's important not to just go on feelings or even physical compatability, but to think through whether you have the same values, can communicate well, be good friends and support one another. Having said all that, I think most people in the end do go by their feelings of being "in love". If you do, just remember that you also need commitment and the will to act lovingly even when your not feeling positive, because those are the things that help to make a marriage work and last.