PDA

View Full Version : How long do you endure


Jules
5th April 2002, 12:14 AM
I just wanted to know when everyone thinks "enough is enough". I'm not speaking in terms of physical abuse, but let's say two people are living seperate lives together. He goes out and does his thing, she stays in and does her's.
He sleeps all day, and stays awake all night. She has to sleep during the night, has she must be up with a child during the day. Marriage councilling has been tried to no avail, he feels threaten. There is no sex life at all, Where do you draw the line, or do you just continue to endure has you meant your vows when you said them....Looking forward to responses.

Unregistered
10th April 2002, 05:37 AM
Oh! I've just asked the same question?

I wish I knew the answer to this. I just don't know. I hope you keep writing, though, and maybe we can figure something out together.

Unregistered
11th April 2002, 09:00 PM
Hi Jules,
My brother is just going through the same thing only in the reverse. His wife is doing what your husband is doing. There are two children involved. I have had some counselling background, although I am not a certified counselor. Here was my advice to him. I suggested he sit down and gently tell her that he could not emotionally handle the way she behaved, and that she had to decide whether she wanted to be the wife and mother she promised to be, or whether she wanted to be a barfly. See, eventually she will decide to make a decision anyway. He is just delaying the inevitable by allowing her act the way she is, and affecting the rest of the family by her behaviour. By continuing to let her do whatever she wants, he is forever in emotional turmoil, never knowing what's going on or if she loves him anymore, or if she's unfaithful. She is out almost every night of the week. Right now she has decided she wants to leave him, but she hasn't gone yet. She is still having a hard time making up her mind, and he is still going through the turmoil and hurt of knowing she may leave. But now she realizes that she has to make a decision and can't keep on playing games. I realize this is a risky thing to do, but chances are that you are delaying to inevitable by doing nothing.

Jules
12th April 2002, 12:22 AM
Hi Guest,
I think your a smart person, and I know you are a hundred percent right. However, I just don't know where or when I will find the courage to convince myself that it's the "right road" to take. I think that's what it is with me, I'm 45 years old, this is my 3 rd marriage. My first one lasted 18 long years, there was both physical and emotional abuse in that one, I had 4 children with him. My second marriage was bliss. We were a perfect match in every way, however he died at 42 of a massive heart attack. That was ten years ago now, I've never forgotten him. Than of course there is this marriage. I look at it like it sometimes and I wonder if I'll stay in as long has I did the first time,which would make me like over 60, and perhaps still in an unhappy situation. It is difficult... When he's good and shows me some attention and affection, I feel like it's worth the time and work, but there are so many days that are not good, that I'm lonely. I cannot remember when we last kissed, or held hands,,,,Thanks,,, Jules