jahdog
18th March 2009, 06:14 PM
It is good to at least express my feelings to those going through similar situations.
about a year ago my wife met a new group of friends, good for her. since we have been together and since we met she has had really no friends, at least good close friends. No old friends from childhood, HS, or any. She had some boyfriends that did her wrong. she met a female friend, our old neighbor. she started spending time with her and met new social group at the bar where friend works. started going there every day almost. stopped coming home. started staying out all night sometimes. i do not think she has had affair or met anyone else but who knows. we had many fights about her never coming home and staying out all night. her new friends do many different drugs and she also joined in. stayed out all night saying she did not want to get dui. sound reasonable but most married couples do not behave this way. they do not get so innebriated that they cant come home. For last 10 years she was very needy of me and called me at work to say hurry home. i always did and if i had said no i am going out we would have had problems. as soon as she had socil network she abandoned home and me. glad she made friends but seems to have been at expense of marriage. few months ago she planned to go to a party and stay with girls at hotel. my car was not running so well so i asked if she would skip party so she could help me if car died on way to work. i work nights. big mistake. she offered for me to take her to friends house early and take her car to work. seems like ok idea except for how much it bothered me for her to go out get hammered, possibly drink so much that something could happen that she would not even remember, and wake in bed with somebody else. i trust her but i know how much she will drink especially if no worry about driving. big fight and she said she wanted divorce. this went on for 2 days then she said she wanted to work things out. Marriage rocky for last year. fights over social behaviors. lots of old issues she never got over. after that we did not discuss. i was pretty depressed about it and scared to ask her. things ok for month or so. no cross words at all. she stopped going out as much and seemed to make effort. then started again never comming home. night before she left she called saying she was going out to dinner on business with people from work and client. came home late. i was upset and let her know. dinner was her and other married man. probobly innocent . she said after dinner went to bar to see friend. i was unhappy about that. next day she left. did not tell me for a week where she was. filed for divorce on 1 of only 4 grounds. wants me to sign even though not real reason for divorce. she said she does not feel same about me as when we got married. when she left she spouted off about a bunch of reasons, all resolved and not even big issues. not even related to the grounds. a few unpleasant conversations in last month. in my anger i made mistakes and sent some harsh emails. i know mistake. now no contact. waiting to get served. if i do not sign then will cost her lot more money and take long time. should i care. she said she has been contemplating this for last several months. i do not know what i will do. after she left i did not eat or sleep for many days. now eating and sleeping but have nightmares about her. depressed and angry and do not really know why she is doing this. pretty certain its over. she will not talk to me or read emails. i do not know if i would take her back if she wanted to come home. i love her deeply.
about a year ago my wife met a new group of friends, good for her. since we have been together and since we met she has had really no friends, at least good close friends. No old friends from childhood, HS, or any. She had some boyfriends that did her wrong. she met a female friend, our old neighbor. she started spending time with her and met new social group at the bar where friend works. started going there every day almost. stopped coming home. started staying out all night sometimes. i do not think she has had affair or met anyone else but who knows. we had many fights about her never coming home and staying out all night. her new friends do many different drugs and she also joined in. stayed out all night saying she did not want to get dui. sound reasonable but most married couples do not behave this way. they do not get so innebriated that they cant come home. For last 10 years she was very needy of me and called me at work to say hurry home. i always did and if i had said no i am going out we would have had problems. as soon as she had socil network she abandoned home and me. glad she made friends but seems to have been at expense of marriage. few months ago she planned to go to a party and stay with girls at hotel. my car was not running so well so i asked if she would skip party so she could help me if car died on way to work. i work nights. big mistake. she offered for me to take her to friends house early and take her car to work. seems like ok idea except for how much it bothered me for her to go out get hammered, possibly drink so much that something could happen that she would not even remember, and wake in bed with somebody else. i trust her but i know how much she will drink especially if no worry about driving. big fight and she said she wanted divorce. this went on for 2 days then she said she wanted to work things out. Marriage rocky for last year. fights over social behaviors. lots of old issues she never got over. after that we did not discuss. i was pretty depressed about it and scared to ask her. things ok for month or so. no cross words at all. she stopped going out as much and seemed to make effort. then started again never comming home. night before she left she called saying she was going out to dinner on business with people from work and client. came home late. i was upset and let her know. dinner was her and other married man. probobly innocent . she said after dinner went to bar to see friend. i was unhappy about that. next day she left. did not tell me for a week where she was. filed for divorce on 1 of only 4 grounds. wants me to sign even though not real reason for divorce. she said she does not feel same about me as when we got married. when she left she spouted off about a bunch of reasons, all resolved and not even big issues. not even related to the grounds. a few unpleasant conversations in last month. in my anger i made mistakes and sent some harsh emails. i know mistake. now no contact. waiting to get served. if i do not sign then will cost her lot more money and take long time. should i care. she said she has been contemplating this for last several months. i do not know what i will do. after she left i did not eat or sleep for many days. now eating and sleeping but have nightmares about her. depressed and angry and do not really know why she is doing this. pretty certain its over. she will not talk to me or read emails. i do not know if i would take her back if she wanted to come home. i love her deeply.