hurts real bad

[jahdog]

No friends to turn to. last 10 years with wife. moved out of state and across country twice. where i live no friends. been busy with school and work last 2 years. no friends at work. co workers not my type of people. some good people but not friends. very uncomfortable unfriendly situation there and even hostile situations. dog eat dog business. backstabbers. i have old friends back home but after years of little to no contact cant really talk with them about this. they have good solid marriages. would not understand. close to sister, but no real help. she has different life situation and does not relate to concepts of basic survival needs. talked with her some but became very difficult. had to tell her enough. only family is aunt. no help ther either, some encouraging words but she has own problems to face.

yes hurts more than imaginable. last 3 weeks like nightmare. intense anger, self-pity, depression, etc. intensity subsiding, thankfully, but replaced by overwhelming sense of loss. do not know what to do. must face world and life. finacial problems may become more than i can handle.

will post more details of situation. if only to get off chest somewhere and to someone. mayby someone will have advice and at least encouraging words.

[JWD]

Right, you can call samaratins if you are in the UK

http://www.samaritans.org/

Just noticed you said state so try calling a similar group where you are

They won't advise you on any issues but are great at listening to you. You don't have to be suicidal to call them.

The financial implications are a worry but thats later on, if you think it would be one less thing to worry about then you can go ahead and get advice

There is a link in helpful tips that I called they give you free advice.


I'm sure your friends back home would want to help you. You would be surprised, I was. This is a time when you need all your friends and support around you so call them up.

Also, I bet some of the people in your work don't have such stable marriages.

it's a horrible, horrible experience. You should visit your Dr, he can give you something to help calm you.

I'll say a prayer for you.

[RayCub]

I've had old friends come out of the woodwork for me over this whole mess. Call them - they haven't forgotten you, adn I'm sure will be more than willing to give you their shoulder to cry on or ear to bend.

Does your work have and Employee & Family Assistance Program? I'm in Canada, and we have one at most companies. They have a 24/7/365 schedule to take all calls no matter the severity of the problem. Your HR person would have that information for you. I'm doing counsellling through my EFAP.

I'm not sure what your situation is, but please hang in there. It HAS to get better.

And you can ALWAYS talk to us...

[georgie]

Hi Jahdog, I'm also going through the full range of emotions -shock seems to still be my overiding feeling. Am waking up in the night with instant anxiety and repeating thoughts about the abondonment that I cant quite seem to shake off, in spite of all the techniques read about on the net so far. It makes me wonder if I've had friends going through this while I've been oblvious to the severity of it or worse giving them some crappy 'plenty more fish in the sea' line.
I am sure things will get a little better every day, in fact I'm sure looking back to the start of this nightmare that things are in fact getting better.
The other thing that has occured to me is that I have completely forgotten how to have fun. I was trying to look at the bright side of my H looking after our kids and thinking maybe I can go and do something fun - then I was completely stumped as to what that might be as an unattached person - all my friends are married with kids. That is an eye opener and something I've got to work on pronto.
Think maybe that should be a priority for all of us.
JAHDOG today is a little better then yesterday, and tomorrw will be a litter better and so on - we'll all get there.

[jahdog]

shock is overiding me. still angry and depressed. cant sllep. i get 2-3 hours sleep per day. overwhwlming sense of loss. my wife left nearly a month ago and only took a few necessary things. says she is at frinds house. most all of her stuff is still here. mail still comes here. i have to see her stuff everyday. we lease home. she told me on phone she will come back here to get her stuff after i have moved, which i plan to do as soon as i find another place. can't really afford move. 1st, last, deposit, pet deposit. may stay here. sometimes i think i should box her stuff up and put in barn, basement, or street. as intensity fades replaced by lonliness and loss. not really better just different. if economy were not so crappy would return to home ground, 1000 miles away. no jobs. stuck here. my poor dog needs surgery, 8-10 grand. no way to afford. she is the big loser here. her life is now limited to confinement in 1 room, out on leash to hurry, back in. no play or funn or run. bad deal. wife is evil. abandoned me and our dog. she cane in while i was at work and took other dog. i miss him. this blows. hope for better days.

[RayCub]

jahdog,

Pack up her stuff; put it in storage, in the basement or call her to come get it. My H wanted to leave stuff in his closet, and I agreed for about three days and then said "NO" - it felt really good to do that! I'm not going to be accommodating of him when he's treated me so badly. He's still going to keep some of his stuff in the basement, but at least I don't have to look at it. AND I get to keep it hostage :)

I feel really bad about your dog, but I feel worse for you. I really hope today is a much better day for you!

Oodles of positive vibes (as many as I can spare :) )!!!

Ray

[jahdog]

Thanks. all positive vibes welcome. i will send out the same.

[JWD]

That's rotten splitting the dogs up, they're so selfish it disgusts me.

Why do you need to move? Can you not afford rent on your own?

Have you tried any herbal stuff to help you sleep. It's a horrible, horrible time for you and I wish I could make it all better. Try downloading some free meditation music. You seem to like positive vibe etc,
there is lots of stuff on the net bout positive mental attitude, getting over broken hearts etc, it won;t keep your mind of her but when you see other people in the same position it seems to help.

Don't go buying ebooks on saving your relationship though, think I have them all and they didn't work lol, but I can mail you them.

they know how to extract money from us vulnerable heartache plebs:rolleyes:

you stay well my friend. We care about you.

sending positive vibes

[jahdog]

Thanks JWD. Yeah ebooks on divorce suck. almost bought some a few weeks ago then downloaded some for free Bit torrent. what a flippin waste of time they are. totally useless info. many people try to cash in on others desperation. some web sites with support chat forums seem sketchy too. my computer started to act funny. hope no boby stole my identity. well actually they can have it if they want it. no not really. thanks a lot

[JWD]

:D lol, yeah they would take one look at my posts and say err no thanks, keep your sad little life ha ha.

Well I got refund on some them. Lot of rubbish.

[RayCub]

Hey, I bought books on how to save my marriage and talk to a spouse when you're angry, frustrated, hurt, yadda, yadda, yadda. They're now in the bottom of some garbage dump. Just leaving my carbon footprint, folks.

[JWD]

ha, yeah, I think amazon and borders have made a fortune from me in the last month.

[jahdog]

yeah. aholes cant wait for some misery to strike and then take advantage of people in desperate situation who are not thinking clearly and seeking any help offered. making money on others misery. wow what bad karma they are making.

[JWD]

yeah, no book in the world will unlock big selfish, I can't handle responsibility's head.

Why are we doing this to ourselves, why can't we just say fair enough, go find yourself, do what you like. Why do we care? Thousands of people out there, why are we putting up with this crap.

[JWD]

The best laugh is, all these books are mixtures of the exact same stuff lol

I mean really, spent a fortune, we were both miserable for weeks before I confronted him. Why not just say look love, been a great couple of years but I really think we could be heading for trouble because I don't seem to feel I can express myself with you. also I fancy the pants off my silly little employee, you know, the one whom I said was thick, and a bit of a slapper. and that she just couldn't spell.

And why am I not calling her now new employers and telling them all the stuff she is passing on, I have proof of dodgy dealing, why don't I want to cause as much misery as possible to them?

[JWD]

I know why I'm not, because that is exactly what brain dead wants me to do. He wants me to become hysterical, mad, crazy, jealous so he can say look how she behaves mummy, that's what I put up with, oh poor you son, we had no idea.

MAN UP, ADMIT IT YOU FOOL. arghhhhhhhhhhhh

LOL

[JWD]

How you doing today?:)

[JWD]

Read what you were saying about the dogs and cats. That another thing, he loved those cats, just dumped them too. One of mine keeps taping my face and they both snuggle right into me :-)

[georgie]

Hey - we have a household full of animals - dog, cat, guinnea pigs, fish. I think one of the first signs that my H was going through his metamorphisis from Dr Jekly to Mr Hyde was he suddenly developed this irrational hatred for our 1 year old cat. He's never been really a cat person, but we've always had one (no home complete without one in my opinion), as she is only 1 she is a cat-brat - I kind of like it. He suddenly just couldn't cope with anything she did, even when she wasn't actually doing anything...INTERESTING really (probably not to you but it is to me ok?!?). I think having a cat was one of the things he suddenly held against me as proof of what a bad partner I was. You know how MLC types develop this list of terrible sins you have committed against them (in between telling you it's not your fault), mine included things like "I stayed up later then him sometimes" = proof I did not love him, "I like movies" = proof we have NOTHING in common. "I got a cat" (with his full agreement at the time and in fact she was a birthday present to me from HIM) = proof I am the daughter of satan!
He probably makes more effort to relate to our dog when he comes around then he does to me - I guess that's one dog to another though!!
He had some nutty behaviours in the past few months, I don't know why I just let the slide at the time..thought they were the full extent of it I guess.

[JWD]

errrr I got a pineapple cake thank you very much. And my H was nicer to the cats, only thing that put a slight smile on his miserable face.

thought he had taken the wii fit earlier. Oh I'd go crazy. Haven't used it for months mind but its mine LOL.

I'm looking back and seeing other crazy stuff that he has done. out of my hands