Its happened again!!!!!

[lanzarotedoll]

Hi folks

Its been a while since I posted on the site.

I found out my husband met another woman and met her on 2 or 3 occasions for coffee through the day. He also text her and spoke with her on the phone. Well, I found out about it and felt betrayed and deceived. Our relationship wasnt going too well and we had stopped communicating with one another. Anyway, I asked him to leave the home as i was finding it difficult trusting him.

He left and stayed with his parents for 2 months then came back to try again. Through that whole time my gut feeling was that he was still in contact with the other woman. He swore blind that he wasnt. When he came back despite feeling that I shouldnt sleep with him again I did and our relationship seemed to get back on track and we were getting on fine. We're marred 13 yrs and known one another for 19yrs.

Xmas came and went we decided to put the house up for sale, he got teary now and again for hurting me and telling me he didnt know what he wanted. All the time I felt a nagging doubt about him. I felt he was still seeing the other woman. Then on valentines day this year I was using his mobile and a text came through which said love you. The number was from the female he had started to see last year. Turns out he was seeing her all through and lying to me.

I was and am devastated. Trust was hard to build initially, now, Im finding it impossible. He was sleeping with her and me at the same time. Luckily no diseases caught! I actually spoke with her and we had a lengthy conversation in which I found out that he was planning to be with her, had been sleeping with her, been out with her, bought her gifts, told her she was his soulmate and that she was the best thing that happened to him. Yet, I'm still here!

We're still trying to sell the house which is proving a big problem and none of us want to stay here. The 3 of us had a conversation in which she told me what and when he had been with her and he sat and denied it. He's now said that he has had no contact with her nor her with him. Ive still got her number and want to contact her to ask if he's been in contact.

He says that he's with me now because he wants to be. In my heart i think he's here cos Ive caught him again. He's telling me every day he's sorry but Ive no idea how to put this behind me. His job doesnt help.

Can anyone tell me what you do to trust someone again? Where do you start? Forgiveness? I was beginning to go down that road the 1st time I found out and now this. Should I go with what my head is saying and get out of this relationship?

Anyone got any advice?

LD
x

[JWD]

How horrible to do this again. Have you been to counselling?

[Ageing Grace]

The 3 of us had a conversation in which she told me what and when he had been with her and he sat and denied it.

That's downright weird.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't be surprised to find he's not seeing her anymore - or, rather, she's not seeing him!

Put it another way: If she's still seeing a bloke who promised her true love and a future, then sat & denied it all in front of her ... she needs intensive therapy :eek:

Which begs the question, what about you? You have 19 years of history together, plus all the ties that go with it - and you have seen him deny his own actions in front of the very 2 people who know the truth.

It takes exceptional emotional & spiritual strength to create a three-way conversation, as you did. More of us should do that. You're no fool, Doll. I read your earlier thread; you could teach many of us a thing or two :cool:

It's unbearably hard to give up on 19 years - a lot of that is the feeling of failure. But, actually, you haven't failed! 19 years is twice as long as the average marriage, and you have certainly forged an incredible relationship. You're a success!

These forums are all about rebuilding damaged relationships, where possible. I'm going to break ranks and suggest the only sane action, in your situation, is to quit.
Walk away with your head high.
Your husband is a nutter.

It's possible, given your history, that you will get back together in the future. But - for now - what's to gain by staying? There is no honesty, exclusivity or respect in your marriage. He's going to have to find his own way out of his own mess, and that may take some time. Don't go down with him.

AG

[jools]

Can anyone tell me what you do to trust someone again? Where do you start? Forgiveness? I was beginning to go down that road the 1st time I found out and now this. Should I go with what my head is saying and get out of this relationship?

Anyone got any advice?I say go with your instinct. If your head or guts (same thing) are telling you to get out then I think you should. My theory is that (within one relationship) people never really change. Not long term anyway - they soon revert to type. And I think he's already proved what type he is. Don't put up with it - you deserve better. Just my feelings - others might disagree.
Jools XX