I can't believe this is happening!

[RayCub]

Thanks Fairy....he really IS a coward, but I'm not wasting my energy on him anymore. Much better things to do with my life now :)

[RayCub]

So, tonight I was the bigger person. My kids have been with my ex for the last four days after me calling him and asking him to take them (he hadn't had them since April). I had had enough and just needed a break. Anyway, he dropped them off tonight and we spoke about upcoming plans for the kids for the summer. Then this evening I got the phone messages left the last day and one was from him apologizing for not taking the kids sooner. i had a "soft" spot then and I called him to thank him for taking them when I so desperately needed a break. Then after I hung up, I thought to myself, "I hope he's happy", so I called him back immediately while the thought was fresh and told him that...that I hoped, despite the money situation, he was happy in his life and that's what I wanted for him. He automatically threw the money situation in my face, how he was 43 years old and couldn't afford an apartment and had to live in a boading house, yadda, yadda, yadda and completely went to the financial problems. I just said "Sorry, I'll go" and hung up, and completely broke down. Was I naive in wishing him happiness? Despite everything that's happened, that's what I want for him....and I took advantage of feeling that tonight and told him. And he totally slammed me. I should have known better and should have kept that to myself. What was I thinking??? He called me back a short time later and told me he hoped the same thing for me, that he hoped I was happy and that he wanted all the tense moments to be done and that we could keep the lines of communication open for the kids, but it felt like he was pissed off, like it wasn't sincere...

I hate this...

[georgie]

Raycub, It is what it is and he is what he is.
Reaching the point of wishing him well is a wonderful thing because that is how we ultimately set ourselves free. Not by hanging on to the hope of some dire Karma befalling them, but by simply releasing them back in to the wilds of whatever it is that has gone on in their heads, and then getting on with our own lives.
We cant accept dececncy or gratitude from selfish cowards, they are not capable of it. He like my X will never be man enough to accept the consequences of his own actions. His plan was to walk out, have himself a nice easy life, while you carried the burden of all his responsibilities. The fact that the law says ahem! excuse me, not quite that easy! fills him wiith bitterness and rage..all of course directed at you, because nothing should ever be his responsibility in his mind. He's not entirely alone there either, I hear other self proclaimed 'great' non custodial parents boasting how they pay their minimum support with hardly a complaint, and then go on describe indirectly how they manage to avoid actually caring for their kids during the rare times they do have responsibility for them. People are different, some people are a little selfish, some are completely self obsessed.. they dont change, they just seem to grow in to these characteristcs and take them on with greater gusto.

Good for you Ray. You are moving on. Wish him well, turn and walk away... he'll survive, but more importantly you can have a richly deserved full life. Free of bitterness and regret. He has given you 2 fabulous kids, and now set you free to find youself and a better partner in life.. so thanks and goodbye. xxx
co parenting can be done as best we can. They are what they are.
i hope this makes sense..i'm rushing out the door, but wanted you to know I love you and I appreciate you, and I know what your intent was and totally respect and admire you for it.
xxx