desperate

[JimmyQ]

Hello to everybody and I'm brand new to this forum and I'm here with a heavy heart. I found out 3 weeks ago my wife cheated on me and possibly still is doing so. I tracked her car to a hotel when she was supposed to be at work. she works midnights as a cop. Well I showed up there called her on her phone and told her to come out. Then I destroyed the guys car that she was sleeping with. I left the house in the morning which was the hardest thing I have ever done. I have two small children 3 and 6 and have been married almost 8 years. Well my wife started calling and texting me a day and a half later, telling me she was sorry and that it was a big mistake and wants me to come home. Well this was 3 weeks ago and nothing seems to be working out. She shows no remorse and won't go to counseling. Now she tells me she loves me for the kids but is not in love with me. Also says she doesn't have the desire to be with me. I am devastated! I love my wife very much and would do anything for her. I just need to know if seperation might help us or would that do more harm. She says we could stay in the home together to keep the family together. Would staying in the home but keeping my distance help? like the title says I'm desperate. My heart is bursting at the seems and I feel like I'm dying inside. Please help me.

[BettyG]

Hi Jimmy.

Shame my heart really goes out to you. No one should have to experience that. I hope you have some form of support system to help you through these times. I would also recommend you see a professional, even if its a alone if she is refusing to go with. Talking through the issues with someone help so much and they can offer some tangible advice.

To answer you question sometimes time apart can help - but don't drag it out. Set a dead line, maybe 2 months max. And then make decision then. Prelonged periods apart just weaken a marriage. Make use of the time apart to work thorugh your feeling and decide what is best for all involved. You, her and of course the children.

Hope that helps a little - I'll be thinking and praying for you.
God Bless.

[Raymond]

She is the one who has committed adultery. If there is no repentance about it things look bad as it does affect a marriage. I hope she comes to herself about this. She has been seriously cheating. I appreciate how angry you were but I don't know about smashing his car up.

Raymond

[JimmyQ]

Thank you both for taking the time to read my post as for smashing his car you are absolutely right, it did nothing to help my situation and I was not thinking at the time. I just don't know what to do and came here for some advice. Thanks again.

[JWD]

how are you feeling today?

[JimmyQ]

how are you feeling today?
Pretty much the same. I'm miserable and can't take the pain anymore. I don't know what to do. I wish I could take my kids and be up in heaven with god because i know he would take away my pain.

[JWD]

Each day the pain will be less. Did you call samaratins?

[unhappilymarried]

Hi Jimmy

This may or not be the solution, but I joined a free website for people in relationships, who are tempted to have an affair or need to discuss this. I found out my husband was having an affair. I even found his profile online which absolutely devasted me... Anyway I have picked myself up and If I am allowed to on this site I can give you and anyone else interested the website links.

I know getting back isn't always the right thing, but I basically told him that if the relationship didn't mean enough to him then we should call it a day or I will get myself a lover (this was a bluff). He then pleaded to me that i was his only true love and that he was feeling stifled etc... We have had lots of conversations about this and i know he has stopped. And although my profile says Unhappily married, I will tell you you can still find a solution to this.

Sometimes it takes a long time too regain the lost happiness. We are working on it and if he fouls up i shall cheat on him... I know this is a final straw but I want him to know the pain he has caused.