PDA

View Full Version : Am I Being Selfish


Unregistered
12th March 2002, 10:58 PM
I recently found out that my husband chats online with other women and he will also give them his phone number. I questioned him in reference to this action, and he told me I didn't need to concern myself with his cellphone. As long as he wasn't calling from home, there was no need to worry. Should I be worried or just let him continue with his actions. He insists that it is just a hobby and nothing more. I asked him if he will meet these women and he says no, but somehow, I don't believe him because some of the women he chats with are from the area we live in. What advice can you give me?

Kate
14th March 2002, 05:11 PM
I don't see why your husband should want to chat with women on his cell phone and keep it from you. A marriage needs trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/), and trust is built on openness and accountability.

Unfortunately many men (and women) think they can "play with fire" on the internet chat lines. It seems a game to them, a virtual world, but they are just fooling themselves. The reality is that it is easy to be drawn into a real relationship through these conversations and, if their husband or wife, are concerned about it, then their behaviour drives a wedge of mistrust and suspicion between them.

Why not have a look at our area dedicated to internet addiction and cyber sex (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/). Peggy Vaughan's article on online affairs (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/onlineaffair/) is particularly good to help you understand what might be going on in your marriage.

serry143
14th March 2002, 09:47 PM
Hi, I read your script about your problem and I think you have every reason to suspect your husband of playing around. He is being very devious and selfish to tell you not to concern yourself with his cell phone. If he is chatting to and receiving phone calls from other women, then he is not focussing his attention on your marriage or the relationship he has with you. It is difficult to accept that our partners are giving their attention to another woman. And sometimes we want to believe that there is nothing wrong happening. But my advice is that you need to look at yourself and see what your needs and vulnerabilites are. Then see why you would accept the treatment you are getting from your partner. If he is talking to other women then its only a matter of time until he is tempted to be unfaithful, if he is not already. Basically we have a choice to ignore our partner's behaviour and suffer in silence or work on our relationship with them, if they agree. Be strong and look at the big picture of your life with your partner and your needs. Be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best.

dollisa
26th March 2002, 10:14 AM
No, you are not being selfish! I've learned the hard way, that any kind of behavior like that takes something away from your marriage.

He can't have his cake and eat it too. It seems that he is the one being selfish in wanting to have his little "hobby" on the side. It is hurtful to you and your marriage. And he just can't dismiss you by saying that "it doesn't concern you", because it certainly does.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your husband, but if at all possible, speak with him and let him know how you feel about the behavior.

Best wishes to you.