really blown it with my wife

[30-odd]

hi, iam in a bad postion at the moment,,, i split from my wife last yr for the 2nd time and this time she told me it was for good,,,, i wasnt the best of husbands way to controlling and could never relax we have 2 kids together who i love dearly and miss a lot,,,, trouble is i miss her more and cant get her out of head,, she asked for a break and i couldnt do it i kept pushing and pushing wanting another chance,,, but knowing that a break would help i couldnt do it,,,,, the situation has got worse as the time has gone on i havent lost my love for her but she now has for me

i knew something was up lately and last tuesday i pushed her hard for the truth and got it!! she has met some one and now iam totally at a loss what to do,,,i always thought we were meant to be,,, 14 yrs we were togther and cant believe that only 6 months after we broke up she has moved on,,,, last night being valentines i went out and had a few beers,,, i drove past her home and saw she wasnt there i put 2 and 2 together and figured she was sleeping at his,,,, i sent a nasty text and now know there is no going back,, iam at my wits end

[dave123]

Hello,

Sorry to hear about you being so unhappy. From what you've said it seems as though you already know what's going on, you just don't know what to do now.

There were obviously problems with the relationship, breaks, controlling behaviour and unhappiness. Now that it seems very clear that it is all over you need to ask yourself why you want to go back to a situation that was unhealthy for both of you, and in course unhealthy for your children?

It sounds like you need help in learning to move on and will need to learn how you're going to make sure you don't repeat your mistakes in future relationships. I would suggest some sort of separation counseling, or some advice from a friend or family member who has gone through the same thing. Posting on here will definitely help too, many words of comfort and advice are available through some really nice people.

One thing to do initially would probably be to apologise for last nights actions, anger and bitterness between parents is unhealthy in a break up situation, so you owe it to your kids to make this as civil and amicable as possible.

I hope you can move forward from here. Best of luck,

Dave

[30-odd]

thanks for your kind words,,,, i am having truble in learning to move on maimly because i dot want to but know i have to,,,,,, i have apologised forlast nights actions and she accepted it,,, i do hope i can move on but my mind is still stuck in the hope part of things,,, some 1 else offered me advice in telling her that i will be here for you if you ever need me,,, not sure if she ever will but my friend assures me that if i keep to word of backing off in time she will

ive contacted someone for some 1 on 1 counseling as i think i need it should really have done this 8 months ago wen it wasnt 2 late!!

[30-odd]

hi ,,,,, feel a hell of a lot better after some kind words from a friend and the fact that my wife had a serius go at me yesterday morning,,, i took it on the chin and it helped me realise where i had been going wrong,,, need to focus on myself and my children and not on her,,,,,,,, if there is any thing left in her for me and i mean friendship then hopefully in time it might appear,,,,, ive never known her to be as angry as she was yesterday,,, i tried to contact her today regarding outstanding bills but was told firmly just text me what i can afford and no more texting now!!

really wished i hadnt pushed her so far!!

[Sheila]

Hi
I really feel for you. All I can say is this website is really helping me.
Love is a strange thing as after all what has happened to me, I do love my husband, but think I need to accept the fact that I have to let go.
I hope you have a lot of support from friends and family as that is so important.
My husband left yesterday morning, and although I have been in a bad situation with him since Christmas, its obviously still raw.
Thinking of your wife/partner/husband with someone else is an awful situation to be in but you will find the strength to move on, we both will.
As I said to JWD one day we will look back on this and the pain will no longer be there.
xxx

[JWD]

How are you feeling today?

Edit sorry, I'm turning day into night I think.

I think counselling will really help. Let us know how you get on.

[dave123]

Hi 30 Odd,

You really do need to look after number 1 here. You need to be happy and healthy for your kids and for yourself. Try to let go of her and the past, if there is a chance of friendship then it will come about in time when you are in a better place. Hoping for anymore than that i think will hold you back from moving forward.

I hope that friend comes through for you again, i really rely a lot on my friends at the moment, i hope they have good patience skills!

Take care,

Dave

[Ageing Grace]

Hi, 30-odd. I just wanted to add my sympathy for your unhappiness.

It's incredibly hard to realise how we hurt the people we love most. Congratulations on your apology and on staying reasonable when you spoke today.

Fantastic that you've booked yourself some counselling. Let us know how it's going if you feel like you want to! You have 2 kids who look up to you & take you as an example - the more you learn about how people work, the better Dad you'll be.

Take care of yourself - eat, sleep, exercise and stuff!

Best wishes,
AG

[30-odd]

hello all,,,,, well ive finally got through the week and wow what a week more ups and downs than a rollar coaster

i was told by my wife that my kids are going to their granparents yet again on thursday being yesterday (was told this teusday) this meant that i wouldnt see my kids for the 2nd weekend in a row,,,,,, its really hard trying to focus on them when i am not even seeing them,,,,,,,,,,,this being said i have yried to contact them a bit more which is very nice :)

she told me 1st off that they were leaving yesterday so i asked her to contact me when they were leaving so i could say bye and have a nice time,,,,all day i waited and got no messgae started to go out of mind about why would she do this to me and all she wants is her new fella i suppose you can imagine what was going through my mind late last night but i kept my cool and didnt contact her!!!!

when i woke this morning i decided to drive around to her home tyo see if she stayed the night seeing as i was told my kids were gone and she was up to whatever she wanted to do,,,,,,,,, i drove past saw her car and her bedroom curtains wide open and decided that she stayed at the new fella's home,,, i drove off and still didnt make contact,,,i think iam getting stronger you know,,,,,,, anyway later this ,morning i recieved a text stating do you want to say goodbye to the kids!!!!!!!! blew me apart they were still there!!! my mind is now thinking that she played a little game with me iam not sure though,,,,,,,,,, what do you think??

[Ageing Grace]

I think you're getting obsessed (well, you did ask).

Second-guessing what she's "up to" will only keep you awake and make you sick in the head. Just try & give yourself a little talk that it is NONE of your business, her life is hers and yours is your own ... and do something for yourself, even if it's only have a bath or watch TerminatorIII for the seventeenth time ;)

The drive-by spy routine IS sick in the head. Okay, lots of people do it but we know it's unhealthy. What's the profit in it for you? Well done for leaving at that, but give yourself another little "Me" talk next time you find your car heading that way.

You received the invitation to say goodbye to the kids because your family respects that you're doing your best to build your relationship with your children. Simple as :)

It's nice to hear you're talking more with the kids, and that you're enjoying it. I know what you're going through is very tough, but stick with it please. After a while, you'll wonder why you used to be so uptight ...

Take care, and please keep posting.
AG

[30-odd]

i know what your saying about the driving by routine i didnt want to do it but justified it in my head that it would help me relax IF i knew that they were together,,,,,it did help me this morning thinking that i could get on with my weekend and i do not intend on doing any more drive by routines as i know they are unhealhy

i do feel a lot more relaxed about the situation but know i still want to be with my wife and kids she has done no wrong and has tried to move on with her life,,,,,, and i know i need to too,,,,,,,,,,, never say never is driving me on to succed in my life,,,, i have 2 wonderful children who i know need their dad to b strong through this and i will find it some way some how

[Sheila]

You sound a lot stronger and brighter today and thats great.
x

[30-odd]

hi sheila,,,,,,, yes i do feel stronger and brighter even this morning :)

i went out last night with an old friend and he told me that he knows my wife's new fella,,,,,,, he revealed that the bloke is an womaniser and has been doing what he is doing now for a long time,,,,,,,, he has a flat m8 and are both at it,,,,,, he is also a drug user which he is obvisley keeping from my wife as i know she hates that type of thing ,,,,, it upset me a lot thinking what he is doing i straight away text my wife telling her we needed to talk but since then i realise that it would be wrong to do so

i would be accused of a lot of things that would go against me when all i would have is the best intentions,,,, i spose she has to find out the hard way which i know is not nice,,,, she knows she is in a vulnerble postion as she has told me this and i do care for her,,,,, iam now worried how iam going to explain my text without telling her anything:(

[Ageing Grace]

Blimey, that's a bit scary 30-odd!

There's always the chance that your pal has a grudge against the bloke or something, and his story isn't altogether true. I think you're right in that your wife will take it the wrong way if you tell her.

However, there must be someone else - ideally, the same friend who told you - that can break this frightening story to her. If he won't/can't do it, is there mutual friend of yours & your wife's, who also knows the pal that told you the story? They could ring him up, get confirmation, and tell your wife.

This all sounds horribly complicated but, should there be enough truth in it - and your kids are involved, of course - I think it's serious enough to break the rules over. If she does ring back to talk, it might be worth trying to tell her this person has told her some serious stuff about her boyfriend. Difficult to do without getting emotional, I know, so the mutual-friend route is probably easier to handle.

Must have been a shock for you. It IS possible your pal wasn't telling the truth - be cautious!

Best of luck,
AG

[30-odd]

hi all,,,,,

feeling rather down at the moment saw my children today 1st time in a week and was told by them that they want to cut down the amount of time we see eachother 2 once a week,,,,quite upsetting

spoke to my wife when i dropped them off and was told its all my fault because i kept talking to them about her over the last few months,,,,, my wife then decided to have pop at me 2 telling me that i was a mistake and that she wished she had never met me and children with me :(

she really let rip going back over old stuff that had been already discussed blaming me for everything telling me that she hates cares for me but has no love for me left at all,,,,she went as far as saying that if it wasnt for the children she would never want to see me again in her life,,,, i realyy dont know how to handle this at the moment,,,,i kept saying sorry for making you feel this way and that all ive done for 8 months is try to tell you i can change and how much i wanted to make our marrige work and she replied all you done was harress me and make me hate you,,,, and now my children seem to have turned on me,,,, they are starting to hear a few rows between us which is not good and i know my wife has started to openly moan about me to others in earshot of the kids

i really want to get back on friendly terms but it seem s like sometimes she has kept he peace to get some more money out of me,,, iam due to help her out theis weekend with coucil tax bill she hasnt paid,,,, i did promise i would help but with all this nastiness i wonder whether i should bother:(

[Sheila]

Hi 30.
How are you feeling today?
What did you decide to do about the council tax bill
xx

[30-odd]

hi sheila

ive decided to still help her with the bill as i did promise and it would be unfair if i was to let her down yet again

ive decided to have no contact with her for as long as possible as well,,,, to many rows are having an effect on myself aswell as her,,,, i asked her to show some remorse for the way she spoke to me on tuesday but didnt get anything from her so i decided to completley back off and see what happens and hope we can get back on talking terms but i will let her decide when and how far it goes

i am just going to post the money through her letter box and walk away whether she is in or not i hope this is the best way?,,,,i am also planning to not get out of the car when i pick my kids up and drop them off on saturday and carry on like this again not sure if this is best

i do feel better but am upset for the upset that i have caused after all we went through together i never thought it would end up like this:(,,,,,i have planned my weekend and its pretty full and iam joining a gym tomorrow to take out my frustrations:) and just leave her in peace,,,, i just hope when we do next meet she can see a much happier person looking back at her:)

[dave123]

Hi 30,

Well done on your no contact i think you're doing some good things here! Especially joining the gym as exercise has really helped me out, endorphins and a better self-image are good things to aim for. The idea that you want to do it so she can see the effect doesn't seem that great though, you need to put yourself first and the by-product of the no contact and seeing you happier within yourself will be a much more powerful for her to see.

Not too sure about staying in the car when you drop the kids off. It's important to put their feelings before yours or your wifes for the 2 minutes it takes to say hello. Just my opinion though, feel free to ignore it!

Hope you are doing OK, take care,

Dave

[Sheila]

Sounds like a plan 30 - get on that cross trainer...
xx

[30-odd]

hello

well its been a pretty tough day ahd my first talk with my wife this morning since tuesday night sheh still has no intention of saying sorry for her outburst the other night but i suppose i will ahve to live with it

ive been reading a hell of lot of posts on here and articles and have realised that my controling of my wife is pretty much why we hit the rocks and then of course things fell in to place,,,,,, iam having a real hard time dealing with this fact as i begin to realise more and more it seems to be my fault :(

some more things were said today in the heat of the moment but my last text from reads like this "i will always be happy to be friends,,, but you have to stop pushing me!!! "

when the realisation hit me about what ive been doing these last few months i did fall apart but quickly regained my self,,,, iam not a bad man i was always loving but never really showed my caring side something about my childhood i think but thats another matter,,,,,, i did as i said just walkied up to the house and tried to post the money,,, but my kids saw me coming and opened the door i gave them both a quick kiss and cuddle and departed didnt see my wife nor did i look back,,,, it was hard,,,, on a side note i did give her an envelope for the the bills and maintence but i also gave another one with a bit extra titled 2 JUST FOR YOU",,,,, do you think this could be me trying to emotionally bribe her or something like that,,,,, wasnt my intention but i now fear she may take it like that wish i never did it now as i cant really afford it

anyway tomorrow is another day and i have my children i do so hope we have a good day :) i did join the gym today so thats a bonus

thanks for listening and replying to my nonsense believe me your words do help,,,thank you

[Ageing Grace]

Hi, 30-odd :)

As she needs the money I'm sure she will appreciate it. Whether she chooses to read anything into your gift is her business - if you feel good about it, that's enough. Don't leave yourself short, though, or you could start to resent it.

Congrats on the gym! It really does help you feel better ... (kicks self up lardy backside; resolves to take own advice).

Your biggest 'congratulations' is on what you said about realising your role in the break-up. Tough one, huh? You did mention your controlling habits in your first post, but it looks like it's really started to sink in this time. I feel for you! That horrible slightly sick feeling, when something clicks into place and you recall what people have said over time ... and think: "er, they had a point" :(

The main thing is, if you never realise this stuff you can't fix it. Sometimes we see elderly people who've grown bitter & angry - fear of ending up that way keeps me trying to fix myself!! So, 30-odd, be proud of your self and be brave.

Lessons learned in childhood aren't another matter entirely, because it's quite likely you've been playing by those rules ever since. Maybe your Dad pushed your Mum around. Or maybe you felt very unsure of things as a boy, which has led you to try & keep everything (and everybody) battened down & in place, as it were. It's astonishing how completely we learn from our parents' example. Until I was 35, I assumed all men hit their wives! :eek: That's quite insane when you think about it ... but, of course, I never had thought about it. To me it was just a fact.

When you consider it, the changes that are starting to happen between you and your wife will be a massive benefit to your kids :) As they see the two of you communicating better, with more respect & consideration for each other - and not constantly rowing - they're learning 2 really special things: how to communicate well, and that it's possible to change.

Have a great day with them, tomorrow. And don't forget the gym ;)

AG

[dave123]

Hi 30,

Recognising your own faults and addressing them is commendable.

Following my wife leaving i too went through a period in counseling where i realised a lot of things that i was doing within my relationship that were unhealthy and at that time i found it very hard not to entirely blame myself. I really beat myself up over it for a while and it was not good.

The things that got me through it were;
That it took the failure of the relationship for my eyes to be opened. Before that i was acting in a way that i genuinely thought was caring and providing for my family.
That there are 2 people in a failed relationship, responsibility is always nearer 50/50 than you think.

Learning from mistakes and forgiving yourself are steps you need to take. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and in the future have a fulfilling successful relationship. Your kids deserve a happy Dad who is a good role model. I know it won't feel like it but this is an opportunity to reinvent yourself in a better way. This situation is very real, and you can either approach it as positively as you are able day to day, or negatively. It is a choice, which only you control.

I hope i don't sound all preachy! I have tried to do things this way and i feel better for it. I hope you find your own way that helps you move onto happiness. Working out will definitely help, confidence, better body image, endorphins all good things! Especially if there are some attractive ladies at the gym too ;-).

Hope you have a great day with the kids.

Take care,

Dave

[30-odd]

hello all

yes realising my own faults and dealing with them is good but very hard,,, i so want to talk wit my wife about them but know she wont and has told me so,,,,, the guilt i feel is unbearable but know in time i will accept my actions

had a great day even though the first hour with my children resulted in them wanting to go home,,,, but i turned it around and provided them with a great day day :(

i asked for the extra money back that i gave her yesterday because she said it would go on bills or my kids and i realised that her having anew man it would be wrong for me to give her money just for herself,,,,,, the heartbreak is still there i still cant stand her being with some 1 else but there is nothing i can do except move on improve myself and become the happy man i used to be if she likes what she sees than maybe we can become friends,,,, i do hope so because she is a truely wonderful person

my induction to the gym is 3 days away and iam really looking forward to it get in there a burn out some frustations :)

any way good night all had a few beers and feel merry :)

[1aokgal]

I have been reading the thread here. It seemed as though you made progress to accept some responsibility for a marriage that got into trouble. It seemed you learned some hard lessons.

Then you asked for the money back??? OH, EGAD...that is SO cheap!

So she needed to pay bills and there are kids. Sounds like another control on your part or punishing her because she sees someone else. You gave it..you can take it back. We call that,"Indian Giving" as giving something and taking it away...not cool.

Why couldn't you be a nice guy and just let her have the money.....no strings attached.... because you love your kids and want to help her? That take back gesture will come back to kick you in the butt!

Lord, my man is so generous to me through good times and bad times. My X was kind to me as well.....never would have done petty stuff. Oh well, maybe that is just how you operate. I don't think you did yourself proud on that gesture.

[30-odd]

hi 1aokgal

i totally agree with you i was bang out of order for asking her to give back the money and did spend most of saturday night regretting and sunday morning,,,,, so much that when i picked my car up sunday lunch time i went round there and gave her the money back,,,, not after for forgiveness from her at all because do to a good deeed or nice gesture i was an idiot for asking for it back,,,,,, i do realise that this could still come back an dkick me i n the butt and yes i derserve it,,,,,, havent spoke since apart from a brief conversation monday afternoon when i told her i had just been made redundant and i know why i did after a sympthay vote from her,,,, wrong again which is why i have backed off now

istarted the gym yesterday and yes it felt great when back today and am looking forward to my next visit,,,,onwards and upwards i hope

[Ageing Grace]

I'm sorry about your redundancy, 30. Hope you got a decent payoff!

Actually your wife does need to know things like that, as it affects your time & money situation re: the kids. So, even if your motive was a bit suspect, it was still necessary :p

You're doing amazing stuff, with recognising your own actions & what lies behind them. Don't kick yourself too hard over mistakes; learning from them is the important thing I guess. Good to hear you're back in the gym, too!

As you say ... onwards and upwards :)
Best wishes,

AG

[30-odd]

hello all :)

been a while since i last posted and things have been a bit up and down ,,,, my self and my wife have tried to keep our distance an djust move on with life,,, i started anew job but boy free time yeah right o lol

my wife is taking my children herself and her new bloke and his kids on a camping weekend which means i have had to give up my saturday with them even though i am working this weekend!!!,,,, i got up this morning to be informed by a very close friends that her new bloke had posted on one of those socila websites regarding the camping weekend,,,, his comment was " i am going camping and i wont be just nailing tent pegs!!!!!!,,,, this upset me as my children couldve seen this and its really derogatory towards my soon to be x wife,,,,, i told her i wasnt best pleased and told her i thought he was out of order,,,, wasnt really sure if i should of got involved but i have!!!! she was really upset by his remarks and seemed to be not upste that i had told her!!

i am not obsessed with her no more but its not nice to find out these things,,,i do care a lot about her as i do 4 my children,,,, iam not hoping they will break up over this as i dont want my wife or children hurt no more

thanks again all :)

[JWD]

That must have felt bad. When I tell our mutual friends, I will tell them I don't want to hear anything about H who he is seeing, what he is saying. If I want to know, I'll ask. I'm not looking at his FB either, not going to do it to myself.


You hang in there. How are you finding the new job?

[Ageing Grace]

Mate, you're going through the mill aren't you? I'm very sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it. Can't be easy, staying on top of a new job while you have all this going on in your personal life.

Your wife's boyfriend sounds like a bit of a prat. It's really hard to think that she has to make her own mistakes, especially when you've always had the habit of running her life for her ... For the record, I don't feel you did wrong in drawing her attention to his post: you evidently move in very close circles, so everyone else would have known about it anyway.

Your kids' welfare is your joint concern, 30 - not either one of you alone, and certainly not the boyfriend's for now. It must be double hard for you, to try & let go of making your wife's choices for her AND make the efforts to build your own relationship with your children.

You'll need to step back from your disapproval of him & just keep working with your wife where the children are concerned. He's not currently an issue and, as your wife is a good mother, she'll kick him into touch if he is bad for them.

I'd like to know if you've thought any more about finding a therapist? I realise money's a bit tight, but you're bright enough to get real benefit from half a dozen sessions or so. You could spread them out over three months, to ease the cost. It's really hard to battle this stuff out all by yourself. What a good counsellor does is ask the right questions, so you find your own answers - it's not always easy, but it's a lot faster & more efficient :)

Remember to take care of yourself.
AG

[30-odd]

morning :)

my new job is going ok,,, its a hard physical one but iam up for it lol,,,,, i dont look for her on fb at all she had blocked em,,, i dont really want to things if you know what i mean!! ive blocked her new b/f aswell so he cant view mine as i know she was looking at mine through his,,,,, we do move in close circles but one problem is that her new fella is a player lol and thats when my friends say things because they dont want to see her hurt,,,,, but its her life and she has to find out the hard way

as far as a therapist goes i have made contact with one and want to go but what with my work and the fact that i keep giving my wife all my money to help her out its going to be a little while until i can book a session

i do feel stronger even if i did feel real low a couple of days ago,,,, i did decide to have no contact at with my wife and just talk about our children and money concerns,,, i told her this as well because i was fed up with the constant argueing and upset,,, and then she rang me yesterday afternoon being the most friendly that she has been for months,,, it was nice :) we spoke about my new job and a few other things and that was it not sure if it will carry on or not

30 :)

[1aokgal]

In the states there are groups who have a facilitater ( a neutal person) and no cost involved. The groups meet for separated and divorced. Many times it is a good place to make friends and get FB and express emotions over what is going on at the time. I did it years ago before I married again.

The BF sounds like a creep.... but he is her creep so let it go. Stay clear, and she will learn he is a player. Trouble for women out of marriage as the players are out there lurking everywhere. Newly separated women prime targets. The social skills have to be learned new. Good luck on your progress. You seem a nice man and there will be a tomorrow for you one day.

[30-odd]

hello all :)

been a while since ive posted on here been a very busy person

where do i start,,, well work has gone a bit slack so ive tried to invest as much time as possible into the gym friens and talking to my daughters:)

it would seem that my children had an enjoyable time on their camping trip with my ex her new b.f and his kids but 1 thing bugged me which didnt come out for nearly a week,,,, before it came out my wife and i had 3 days where we got on pretty well she even said she was thinking about finishing with!!!! :( i thought none of my business just keep quiet :) ),,,, then saturday afternoon my kids were telling me about their trip and told me that the 4 kids slept in one part of the tent and him and her slept in another compartment!!!!!!,,,, i wasnt pleased by this because i feel my children shouldnt have been exposed to this after only knowing mum and dad for 14 yrs sleeping in the same bed together and thought that it was so wrong,,,, needless to say i told her this and said i was disapointed in her maybe iam wrong i dont know but feel very strongly about this!!!!

well after rowing saturday night and sunday morning i thought well thats it any chance of a friendship is gone i left alone all day sunday untill the evening when i sent her a message hoping she had a nice mothers day!!! she replied straight away by saying yes thank you i hope yo had a nice day 2!!!

and since sunday night the contact is back like b4 saturday with nice messages back and forth!!!! it feels like we have turned the page and might be able to get along :) for the sake of my childrens happiness i do hope :)

the new b/f is a creep and i do hope she sees sence soon i do stay out of it as much as possible but i sometimes let myself down and say something which to my surprise the reaction from her is not as bad as it 1st was

any way hope you are all well :)

[JWD]

You sound good 30 odd, I have a feeling the bf will be dumped soon, maybe he will come on here looking for help and we'll help him - NOT

so glad you're a bit happier

[yogamad]

No, that doesn't sound right with your ex and her bf sleeping in the other half of the tent. If that was me, I wouldn't be happy at all, you had every right to be angry about that. The children have to come first.

Hope you're ok now.:)

[jahdog]

word! at least according to stats i read rebounds after d have 90% failure.:rolleyes:

[JWD]

that means I was in the rebound LOL his rebound ahhhhhh WTF

And it's not looking any better for me as 60% of second marriages end in divorce what is going on?

Why is it so difficult to overcome problems? sigh

[30-odd]

hi

been a good couple of days even if my new job has now gone :( second company in a month that has gone into administration that i worked for,,, feeel like iam jinxed,,,,, keep thinking how many more knock backs can i take but then think if i get through this than i will be a MAN at last :)

told my wife about my work problem and that i might be able to give her money to bit later in april and to my shock she said dont worry i will lend you some!!!!!!,,,, 1st time in 9 months she has offered me anything,,, made me realise that she soes at least care for a me a little

it is nice to be getting on with her an di told her tuesday night that i didnt want to get back with her no more,,, not sure if i was being brave or that i really meant it,,, she was taken back a bit by what i said and thenstarted saying good good its what i want very quickly,,, i had a wonderful time with my children tuesday and am looking forward to having them the weekend :)

take car all :) 30

[georgie]

Sounds like you are moving forward 30. How brave to say those words "I don't want to get back with you". I would be shaking in my boots not to mention totally lieing! Good luck to you. You are enough! collect your badge an tee-shirt!

[30-odd]

not sure what you mean by saying......you are enough! collect your badge and t-shirt! ?? but then i am a bit slow hence separated lol

[georgie]

You don't need anyone else to be complete I guess. It would however be a bonus. That is a huge realisation after a relationship. It's like you think initially you can't live/function without the other person - takes a while to truly believe that you can. I'm still getting there.

[30-odd]

wow,,,,time sure flies when your having fun :)

quick update on how things are,,, iam really beginning to move on in my life and try to not let things get me down when i hear and see things,,,,this last week has been a rollarcoaster for myself and my ex!! started out not to bad and then tuesday i had a crying ex on the phone telling me she had had a car accident she was fine as was her car but not the other car!!!,,,,long story short she is in major money crisis and her car wasnt legal,,, she asked for my help in getting her car through an mot as i know the right people she was in a right state and agreed to help her,,,, i was offfered a days work on thursday so i said sorry your car wil have to wait until friday,,,,,,,then BANG thats when it all went wrong,,, her family got involved sh eput her car through an mot on thursday and it failed badly not major problems but the garage scared her out of her mind and she has agreed to sell the car to them,,,,, i then got a load of abusetelling me that i should have gotten her a better car when we were together and should not have gotten a tv and sette,,,, i got it all,, i had been out on tuesday night with a date :) and had that thrown at me i said i was going away next weekend that made her flip aswell,,, i had a few beers with my mates monday night and spoke to late that evening !!!! me being drunk was also a problem (iam not a heavy drinker at all) ,,,,,,,,i though t to myself ive had enough of this i told her iam not your husband no more you cant keep having a go at me 4 things an d blaming me after all you constantly tell me your over me and moved on an dso much happier,,,, her reply was WHY NOT!!!

well even though all that has been going on ive still got a smile,,,, a friend said to me last night ,,,there are 2 words you need to remember and i will leave you with these 2 words

GOOD TIMES:)

take care all 30 :)

[30-odd]

hello all

been a very busy few weeks and still been having the odd problem with my ex

one of my childrens b/day was on sunday so as usual i had them on saturday and tried to make her day with me a good one :)
the day started off ok but then took a very downward turn,,,, not me with them but their concerns with how they were feeling at home with their mum!!!,,,,they dont like her new fella and he seems to be taking control of the house hold they feel neglected by their mum and feel in the way when he is around,,,he lounges around on the sofa under some covers and has walked around bare topped which my youngest really didnt like,,,, they are not allowed to eat with her and new fella and seem to get 2nd rate dinners compared to what they eat,,, the new fella stood there and said to my wife that he would like to take her away for a weekend and then looked at my kids and said " we will have to get some1 to have you wont we",,,, they really are feeling it at the moment and iam not sure what to do for the best,, he is sleeping around their most nights and both my kids feel very awkward in their own home :(

it upsets me deeply to know that my past actions has put my kids in this situation,,, they both tell me that they feel that he doesnt want them around and my wife doesnt seem to care!!!

oh what to do :(