What do you do after a divorce.

[sonhya]

Hi to everyone, it has been long since I came here, but well, got divorce, it was hard for both my ex and I but, deep down we knew it was for the best, but know I have another problem, I have been divorce already 6 months and I decided to date again, I don't know what is the time you have to wait to date after a divorce and if there is a rule for that, I met this man, very nice it was a blind date went well and so far we have already 1 month going out, but I think he is taking everything so seriously and I don't have a clue on what to do, I mean yes I want someone in my life but I don't think marriage is gonna be the right solution again, I mean what is better to have a serious relationship or have fun, I mean I just got my freedom is it bad for a woman that was married so long to have fun after a divorce, don't take me wrong I am not talking about getting in to bars or something crazy, but enjoy other things, travel or met new people, I mean yes I like this man if someone ask me yes he could be perfec, I do like him, I enjoy his company but he is to sensitive and I have try to stop this relationship, but is like I need him and at the same time I want to be free so I don't have a clue on what is going on with me, I want someone so bad but I want to do other things, has someone from here has been like this, I mean what do you do after a divorce.

Sonhya

[JWD]

Not sure what to say to you as I've just joined up so I'll just give you my 2cents.

I think it's very understandable that you say you feel like you need someone. I think everyone needs and wants a partner. You must miss the closeness and comfort of being familiar with someone. I don't think you're that keen on this guy, you're instinct tells you no, you've already said he's sensitive and serious and you don't sound like you need that kind of hassle right now. It's not too fair on him either. Would hate to think you settle for someone just because you need someone.

You've been through a traumatic time and deserve to find real, true happiness and it will probably come along when you're not looking for it i.e. out enjoying yourself for yourself.

Sorry if this is a lot of rubbish and sounds patronising, I think I may be sleep typing:)

Hope you find what you want.

[1aokgal]

You say I think the world of you. You are a fine person BUT I need some space. I am not ready to be in a serious relationship after this short time being on my own. First, i need to find out who i am and focus on somepersonal goals.

I hope you understand I care about you BUT... right now i am feeling a little trapped and needs some time apart to get my balance. I plan to go..back to school..get a job...go see my family...buy a dog...You get the picture? Needy gets you in the worst jams and divorced AGAIN.

Don't you have gal pals? If not, find some. I guarantee you that you are making a mistake. Don't feel guilty..get out of the clinches and stop thinking needy. Go advance yourself.

Three years ago I made the same pressing advise to another woman..newly divorced from a doctor and she played good tennis and went to lunch with important people. I met her at the charity yearly party and the guy she dated is part of the organization. She was divorced 6 months and was already in a tight relationship with a nice guy. He was heading her to marriage. She had a college degree and no serious work experience as she had the children and with a doctor husband she didn't have to worry about things. She got a reasonable settlement in her divorce. I got a call from her this evening to remind me of when we met.......and she wanted to thank me for the advise. I had not seen her in the three years.

She asked the guy for space. She went 2 years to school became an X-ray tchnician working another job while going to school. She had finished that course and works at it with a side job toward the new plan. She has a couple of kids from the marriage so this was MAX effort. She tracked down my unlisted phone number through an organization I help out with yearly Charity event.

The reason she called me this evening was to tell me she just put in her application to Easter Virginia Medical School to study for a Physicians Assistant which is a medical degree Doctor. She thanked me for my insistent advice when I told her point blank.."You make the biggest mistake of your life here. You don't even know who you are as you are always half of another. Who are you?"

She says she is beginning to know who she is now. She says she misses the steady guy and has dated some but too busy now to put effort toany plan but children, work and school. She says she is really happy...but tired. We are going to lunch next week. I am really happy too because people sometimes don't want good advise.

I hope you will put a plan into action because you have no plan ..you are just a floater and let life happen to you. Maybe you should think what you want to do wth your life. 50% chance you can be divorced or widowed. So marriage for NEED is a Trap. When you don't depend on yourself and let somebody else carry you.....then you are not prepared if the clock stops and the marriage is not there OR he is a creep and you have no skills.

Tell the man goodbye..you sound like a trapped rat who is looking for a door.