My husband no longer loves me

[JWD]

ok scrub the above. i know I sound crazy, I'm not. I still feel myself pulling away but I've just confided in my wonderful big brother and he was so level headed about whole thing even though he is in a pub lol.

he said that yes, detach but I sound like I'm still angry and I can't end the relationship on anger as it will be longer to get over it no matter what I think now.

He reckons, I should carry on like I'm single but really start being smart and actually preparing for the future. He thinks ignore H altogether, the longer I have to getting used to him not around, the easier it will be.

I'll text H tomorrow and say sorry but something has come up and then I've to leave him be.

right back to getting me all better.

[Sheila]

I agree with your brother hun - easier said than done I know but lets give them something to think about
x

[JWD]

Yes, the better frame of mind I am, the easier it will be on me. Wish I was having a drink with you :-)
x

[Sheila]

I'll pour another!!
James Morrison on comic relief - I quite fancy him!
How sad - my bday and Im home alone with Gordons, Tonic and James Morrison!
Even the kids have deserted me. Onwards and upwards - March 13 2010 New York City
xx he he.
Lets keep positive

[Ageing Grace]

Sheila,

You can't spend your whole life obsessing over how to "make him think/feel" this or that.
It will destroy you - for the simple reason that, by thinking of yourself ONLY in terms of the effect you have on someone else, you've taken your self out of the equation entirely :(

What happened to your own thread?

Please re-read this weeks' posts by JWD and Georgie. There's a treasure-chest of inspiration there, alongside all the pain.

I feel for you. I really do - that's why I'm worried about you.

Hugs,
AG
edit: Just seen your last! NYC should be kill or cure ;) Keep planning your outfits ... xxx

[JWD]

Woo hoo New york new york.

we'll be fine xxx

[georgie]

Hey there, just back from taking the kids to see Shopoholic (kids liked it I thought it was blah). Saw my counsellor earlier today, did a lot of family background stuff - jeeze what a disfunctional background, I can at least claim to be relatively normal all things considered! H had the kids for a few hours, he's looking down and glum and stressed about work and thinks he's coming down with something (for a change..). Wish you could really communicate, words wouldn't really cover it - to say, 'hey open your eyes, no point in worrying about all the things that might happen or illnesses you might get, deal with the here and now - we've actually got a lot of good stuff (not material stuff), and with a bit of work and a better attitude we could make it a lot better'. But, don't see any opening to slip that message through at this point, feel like everything I try to convey will just bounce right back at me. I see a lot of references to people reverting to type in these threads, and that is kind of what makes me hang on to the hope of a reconciliation. He has faults a plenty as do I, but bascially he has been a trustworthy type for 99% of the 16 years I've known him, so it's hard to imagine that this phase he's in is actually permanent. The shock and disapointment intially distorted that statistic and I was ready to call it quits, but now that iv'e stepped back I have a slightly different perspective. I really do think it will take a LOT of work, but would be worth it. Oh the meanderings of the emotional river, and the stuff it picks up and carries along the way.... and all for nothing if the H continues on his own meandering journey and we don't meet up again!

[georgie]

Hey again, just realised that I went in to your thread to say hi how are you and went off on a tangent about me instead SOZ! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?? Hmmm one of my main complaints about H is is current state of self obession - could the pot be calling the kettle black perhaps?

[JWD]

I know what you mean Georgie, but they have to see it. Mine is just exchanging one set of problems for another. We're meeting Tuesday now eeek. NowI'm the one who doesn't want to confront it. lol

Going to go for dinner tonight and shopaholic finally then drinks

[JWD]

Total sad sack today. Think it's cos it's Sunday and we used to spend it together, doing nothing right enough but together

Oh it would be so much easier if he had been a bad Husband, had beaten me, emotionally abused me, stopped me doing anything I wanted. But he wasn't, he was perfect for me at the time.

I need to think about how that is my Husband of the past or the Husband I thought he was.

Nothing lasts forever eh

One day I'll post on here happy news.

I know I'm going to get through this and move on, feel like I'm just standing still clinging to my past like a cling on. There is nothing to do except accept what is coming my way.

Oh got work tomorrow, dreading it.

[JWD]

oh oh oh, my wish page has only two days left .

HA HA HA can you believe a grown woman is doing this. Needs must and it was right at the time.

[Ageing Grace]

Thank god you're going to work tomorrow. You need the distraction & the support.

It's a nice day out. Get an ice-cream ;)

AG x

[JWD]

Yes, you lot really should have told me to go back sooner:)

[JWD]

Well spoke to his mum earlier, so matter of fact she said I think you need to face it. Oh really, great. let's see what am I to face. I said would love to but I seem to be the only one who hasn't been told what I'm facing. My rings are off and my wedding pictures are put by. It's my only way to cope.

I spoke to my brother again. He said trust me. I find it so comforting for some reason. he said stop talking about him, stop thinking about him, stop chasing him. Let it go. I know it's not healthy but I have to do it. I need to drag myself out of this despair and come out the other end. I must, i'm going to do it. I'm going into work tomorrow, I'm going to tell them all I don't want to talk about it, I'm going to start helping the patients more and be a better person. I see people dying in front of me, there are other people out there so much worse that me. I have so much so be thankful for.

I'll never forget how I'm feeling, never but I know it will dim. It's out of my hands right now and I need to survive. And I will. I mean it.

Don't let me talk about him.

I'm going to to help others on here. I'm going to email the homeless unit again and tell them when I'm free and I'm going to help others along with myself.

Anyone reading this, don't think I suggest giving up on your marriage, I'm not. I'm doing this because I need to do whatever is going to help me through this. everyone does what is right for them and in their own marriage.

[Sheila]

Wow you sound a brave, strong, courageous woman - you go for it girl

[JWD]

BIG MASSIVE HUGS xxxx

[JWD]

It's over, he came round and told me last night. All worked out, financially, everything, he has told most people but still trying to deny affair. Doesn't matter I suppose.

He was cold, indifferent, looked a pain for him to be there. He just doesn't have the feelings anymore. 5 weeks was all it took.

Think I will have trouble during this divorce.

there were no tears or tantrums, no it's been nice knowing you, nothing, ziltch, I think he actually despises me.

Life goes on. At least we don't have kids so should be easier.

I wonder if I'll ever understand or if he'll ever feel bad about how he has behaved.

Who knows.

[georgie]

They are indeed a mystery... it's the lack of emotion that gets me. I am uber-emotional so find the impassive delivery of devasting news so impossible to fathom that it seems to fan the flames of my emotions rather then quell them which I'm guessing is part of the intent. Fair play to you for keeping your cool and dignity, I've relinquished mine, but am saving up to get them back.
Ironically at the end of all this it may be that they are the needy ones, that they need that first flush of admiration kept at top level at all times, this is not sustainable at all times in a normal relationship. There is always some other desparate and dateless or bored person lurking about ready to dole it out to them..but not forever.

[JWD]

Well just told him I thought he was very immature and nothing ever would make him happy. Also pointed out that he could lie all he likes, we both know he had an affair. Denies it. Pathetic. Told him I had lost all respect for him but it just washed all over him :rolleyes: there is nothing there. No remorse, no sadness, nothing, indifferent.

He wants to but me out, don't think I'll get much for the house, it needs lot of work, just woke up to discover water coming in from the newly plastered ceiling. Now thinking that he won't repair anything as then the value will go up. Oh it's a worry all right.

I have no savings at all.:eek:

We had the best New Year ever, really we did, I'll never understand it.

what was all that about the other week, talking about what we would do to the house. Obviously meant what he or they would do:rolleyes:

time to pack up the silver and burn the wedding pics. It was all just a sham

[georgie]

Yes, I am facing finnancial nightmares myself. I feel terrible because it doesn't just impact us, but the kids standard of living also and their options become narrower - if they have problems at the local high school then I can't afford to send them elsewhere, if they have crooked teeth will we be able to afford to get them straightend and on and on and on..
I'm told to expect a 42% drop in my income - which is kind of funny given that I'm not working and am earning '$0'.
One part of me knows I'll get through this and work it out, but I'm standing at the foot of the mountain right now and there is one hell of a climb ahead.
JWD reading your posts gives me absolute faith in your ability to work your way through this, I know I can too. It's not going to be easy - but let's remember this point in our lives - one day we will be able to look at our achievements and be absolutely proud of ourselves and our recovery both emotionally and finnacially. THAT IS A PROMISE TO BOTH OF US. XXX

[JWD]

You're right Georgie, we will. Time I stood on my own two feet anyway. Financial security is nothing when living such a farce of a marriage like me turned out to be.

I didn't really get any benefits of it anyway, I was always so concious of knowing I made far less. Just wish I'd asked for those Ugg boots and GHD's at Christmas LOL.

Taking back the camera I bought him. Oh that's another thing, I'm deleting all pictures, can't stand the though of seeing pictures of us.

All my friends are going to help me, my cousin and my brother have been fab. I'm going to be sad for a while but I'll move on.

Far easier for me as no kids (phew) but I know you will do it too Georgie. I'll be here to support you, promise.

I would like to work out where I went wrong, not taking all the blame but I'd like to discover how on earth I didn't see this coming AT ALL and how I didn't notice his feelings change.

I was def quite a needy for love person and so was he so maybe he changed and I didn't. I don't know. I'm wondering if I knew him at all.

The very next lesson I need to learn asap is DON'T FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, EVER :-) I think people just expect too much from each other and when the going gets tough, the weaker ones bail. I spent lots of time chastising myself for being weak for crying and feeling helpless but I'm the one who was honest with my feelings and I can walk away knowing that I didn't lie, manipulate or mentally torture someone (whether the intention was there or not.)

I think it takes a very selfish person to do what he has done but you know, he'll carry on making the same mistakes, he'll carry on blaming everyone else for not fitting into his mold and he'll carry on running. I can see that now. I'll hopefully stop expecting more of people and realise that not everyone is perfect, not everyone can communicate well (just seems so alien to me that) and not everyone is content with their lives.

It's time to grow up for me.

[JWD]

hi Redned and thanks, tis a tint teeny bit exciting too all mixed in with the fear.

A new chapter like you say. I like that. Don't think I like this house anymore anyway, never got a chance to do anything with it.

You keep popping in to say hi and I'll read your thread when you start posting.:)

[RayCub]

JWD, I'm not sure what to say...You've been so supportive of me over the last week or so, and I feel so incredibly bad that you're going through this - that ANY of us on here are going through this. It still freaks me out when I read about how similar all of our stories seem to be. Do you supposed our H's were once octuplets, separated at birth?!?!

My heart goes out to you. My H is also unfeeling wih no doubt, hesitation or regrets. He is simply walking away to live his new, old life (since it seems he lives in the 80's!!), and doesn't give two *%$#'s how I feel about any of it. And I still have to smile and be civil to him in front of my kids...and I'm forced to keep the pictures for them, when all I'd like to do is burn them and smash our wedding photo in a million pieces. Have to be "Little Miss Lovely" though...blah!

When you're ready, delete the pictures, leave the house, get a job and start new....at least you only have yourself to look out for, and you can go anywhere and do anything you want. You're incredibly smart, strong and sensitive. You'll do so well on your own, I really believe that - he was no doubt holding YOU back all this time!!! So, you go, Girl. You show him and the rest of the world how great you truly are!!

And please, please, please....don't ever rule out falling in love again. That gives your ex more power, to think that you'll never love again because of him - that he "ruined" you for someone else. Be picky, choose wisely, don't settle...but be open to falling in love again when the right guy comes along. Because he will, and he'll be one to receive all of your love and support and respect - all the things your ex didn't deserve! And he'll love the hell out you, like you deserve!!

Oodles of love, hugs and support!
xo

[JWD]

Awww thank you so much. I was just sitting here thinking maybe I am a horrible person and this is karma for me for something. You're right, none of this was my fault so why is he meaning so mean.

I don't know any other area here, just been looking at flats but probably too close to where he is? Not that I would be likely to bump into him.

Wonder how long I have til the count down begins lol

Must be so hard for you putting on a face for the selfish sod. You're doing the right thing though, you need to for the girls.

We're all going to be fine. Nothing else for it.

x

[JWD]

hehehe, I know my friend cancelled. Hmmm mother not well. How dare she not be well in my time of need.:D

What have you been upto?

[JWD]

'Canny' are you a scot?

I've waited in all morning for a tesco order that I hadn't confirmed. Well done.#
cleaned house again and had my mother-in-law round. A good day.

Watched mistresses which is quite galling considering but had to find out what happened :-)

What films you watching?

[JWD]

fank you :-)

Really, I'm feeling very scared and intimidated by my Husband. There is no need to be I don't think.

When I first met him, everyone went on about how horrid his ex was and how lovely he was and how he didn't deserve it. he was nice then. Anyway, his pub/footie friends are all nice enough but they all stick together like pack animals when something happens to one of them and I heard through a friend that they were all saying I chucked him out which is true but no mention of his wandering text digits.

Anyway, his other friends are all high flying go getter types and I know they hate his ex with venom, it like everyone protect poor H, I don't know why I feel like this, paranoia lol

He is just such a stranger now that I can't predict what will happen. His stuff is still all here and I think there will be a lot of pressure to get me out eeek.

his mother said he wouldn't put me on the street which was comforting NOT, she is lovely but so tactless.

Only had a two second happy thought of him earlier and that was because an advert came on tv and we had been on holiday there. Oh and we got a wedding invite through the door :-(

I still can't really believe that it's happened.

[JWD]

Aw thank you, you're right. That was a lovely post and you're right, I AM all those things and he doesn't deserve me. Thank you.

My friend keep saying one day i'll look back and think 'what an arse-hole' LOL so looking forward to that. She reckons by then he'll be on his third divorce.

[JWD]

So am I, at one point I thought if we had kids, he would stay but imagine trying to look after kids and also a big overgrown baby who is happy enough to split another relationship with a child, even though he doesn't like kids.

Ahhh you're right. my Mr right turned out to be Mr so so so wrong. :-)

[Hilary]

JWD
I've been away for a while (busy week) and have just read your thread. I'm sorry to read it's all over.
Glad that your brother can be supportive.
And now it is time to focus on you, your present and future - let go of exH and focus on something else. Take time to be curious about what makes you curious - what/where would you like to explore?

Look after yourself and go well.

[jahdog]

look after yourself and go well. i like that. may adopt as new self philosophy.

[georgie]

Hey JWD, hope you've been enjoyng a footlose and fancy free weekend. No kids to tie you to that millstone of a H - go for your life girl! NO REBOUNDING - but have lot's of fun.

[JWD]

thanks hilary
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH just spent ages pouring my heart and soul into this post and I lost it LOL

Right, hello georgie, I was out having fun. My wonderful friends took me for cocktails then to a beautiful noodle bar for dinner. The ones that had partners dumped them (got a great big cuddle from my friends husband) man cuddles are just fab aren't they, and we man bashed for a good while and I had my biggest rant yet, there was a table full of men next to us but they daren't even snigger hahaha.

Oh it was brilliant. Just listening to them also and saying the exact same things I was feeling, knowing that one of my friends friends has experienced it now she is in a fab place, carefree her own person. We went to lots of different pubs, pubs that I didn't even know existed. lots of hen parties and I resisted the urge to scorn my tainted, hate filled views on their 'big day' LOL.

I think a couple of people may have been flirting with me, one a much older man:rolleyes: and one a lesbian but hey, a flirts a flirt:D

Bumped into his friend last night, the one he brought home in the midst of all this. there was no kiss like he usually gives me, he was mortified, said hello and ran off. I don't care. You know what I remembered as soon as I saw him though. That night Husband brought him back, you know they were saying in front of me, oh those strippers were hot blah blah blah and what about the prostitutes and my Husband said yeah I would bend her back blah blah blah, now this could have been a wind up but actually, this friend did know what was going on between us. I just thought how nasty, and insensitive and horrible person my husband has turned out to be. He can do whatever he likes with prostitutes and strippers (why doesn't he get this) but he won't be breaking me down any longer or messing with my head. He is broken and he can fix himself.

I kept thinking he would walk in with the girl but you know I'm not even jealous or upset about that. If it happens, it happens, I'll move on. Not going to waste my time thinking thoughts that serve no purpose to me at all.

Oh and the next time he feels like bringing his friends round, I'll just make sure my brother is here. That should be fun:D

The girls are all going to Australia in November and want me to go with them. They are all on same wages and have lovely houses so I know I'm going to be fine. I think I'll just save a little for the lawyer and a lot for the holiday, after all, it's not me looking for a divorce, or at least it wasn't me. THEN

Oh fell out with best friend, hasn't called in a week. Makes me sick when I think of the times I've helped her out. Anyway, we'll make up I'm just starting to get rid of the dead wood in my life. I do understand that everyones elses life keep moving despite my trauma;), just feel let down in general. Maybe it's good though, maybe I will learn that only person going to get me through this is me.

it's a funny old world isn't it. Practical strangers reach out and help you through the worst moments in your life and life long friends disappear. I imagine I will be reviewing lots of relationships though different eyes from now on which won't always be a bad thing.

Well I'm going to kick start the day with a cigarette IN the bedroom HA he hates that :-) think I'll stop soon once my crisis is over.

Hope you are all well, I'm off to catch up with the threads. So selfish posting my own first. It's al ME ME ME:D

I'm sure I've left something out but will rush back as soon as I remember.

I've had a terrible thought, imagine someone recognised me. how awful ahh who cares.

[georgie]

Replied to you on my thread - this is more confusing then dating - your place or mine etc. God I don't want to go back there... first dates, when to go to which base blah blah.
but not to worry I've ordered a free horoscope (doing all those stupid things that would have been frowned upon during the H regime - even stuff I'm not really in to just because I'm such a REBEL - a legend in my own mind) - my life will be explained in great and accurate detail so I've nothing to think about for myself.

[JWD]

LOL I get about forty a day, and constantly look at his. Mine keep saying your are going through a transition YEAH YEAH YEAH and be patient ha.

Also been going crazy with the free tarot cards

What's the craziest thing you've done in your quest to bring back fog head? mine has to be the almost paying for a white witch.

The most degrading thing is allowing him to have sex with me and him in the middle of it saying oh I don't want to use you. OH I want to punch him GIT, should have said well wasn't much of a using you big fat beast lol

[georgie]

So many low points, so little time...where do I begin. I think the covering for him while my family was here, thereby making myself look like a total nutter - possibly not the most sensible thing I could have done. i could have spilt the beans on him and had my big(ger then him) brother, and my even bigger brother in laws - give him a sound thrashing, or at least I could have let my sister lampoon him with a good old dose of pure IRISH CATHOLIC GUILT.. he's English but nothing stings like ICG and then I could have basked in their support while he was nailed to something rough and rusty.... but NOOOOO I protected him because I didn't want to LOOSE HIM. As someone on another site said (yes I am in an open relationship with this site) insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different outcome. I was more worried about his image then my own sanity and self esteem. Oh and I was buying sexy underware, and working out at the gym, and all the rest... and he didn't say no not by any means... but of course HE WAS NEVER HAPPY

[RayCub]

Morning, Georgie!

You made me smile with the whole idea of letting your family "handle" things!! I have three big brothers, and two brothers-in-law, who, I'm fairly certain, would love to take my H on a "hunting trip" if you know what I mean...;)

And I have two older sisters with the sharpest tongues I've ever seen, who could tear him to bleeding bits with a few well-chosen words...

Ahhhh....SO incredibly tempting, yet I wouldn't dare let them do any of that. The most I've let any of them do is delete him from their Facebook!!! Oooohh....BIG move!!!

I can't help but think that if they did anything it would ruin my chances of getting him back !! What kind of an idiot am I, anyway??? My head knows full-well that he isn't coming back EVER, but my deaf heart doesn't seem to get the message. Damn thing!

So why do I even care if they say anything to him?!?!? I guess because I know I'm a good person, and I just don't want to sink to his level of hurtfullness (is that a word?).

God, I'm messed up........

Maybe I could get my oldest brother to put a tax audit on him next year once he starts claiming as single??? He's a big-wig in the federal tax department.......:)

[JWD]

Yeah I didn't want my mum or brother to know because I knew they would be hurt too. My mum used to say don't tell me when you fight with your husband because you will forgive him but I never will

[JWD]

You're not mad ray, when this first happened, all the advice said think positive and I kept saying thats it, it's over, now that I've been told it's over I'm dreaming that it will all work out LOL.

I'd love to hear your fantasy karma :-)

Think I'll start that thread hope I don't get a row

[georgie]

Tax wow that's power!! Go for it....

[RayCub]

Yeah, and last week I was pulled over for speeding (LONG friggin' story), but once she heard my sob-story, she let me off with a warning and offered to help me with my "situation" if need be...

Unlike my H, I'm building bridges, not burning them...........

[JWD]

yeah, I so know My H wants to justify all this by saying I'm making it up about the affair. He would love nothing more than me to do bad nasty crazy things because then it means it was ok what he done. Ha, I'm not doing it.

[RayCub]

No, I won't do anything either...it's just nice to know we have the power to DO something if we so choose though. Makes me feel not quite so powerless, y'know?

I also know a really scandalous secret about my H that to fall in to the "wrong" hands would NOT be good ;)

[georgie]

ok - back to sanity reluctantly if we must.. we are too nice for our own goods. But I guess that was a good toxic cleansing for us all. Next step - punch bag with appropriate photo of H maybe?? Voo doo dolls nice sugestion too - hard to trace those stabbing pains back to us I'd imagin..

I'll get so much out of my system I'll be like some kind of budhist priestess the next time I'm faced with him.
Oh it's good to feel a little freer. Thanks for the laughs guys.. have to go do some housework before I go to bed - have been taking the fun thing pretty seriously this weekend IT'S SO WORTH IT - If I do an hour run around now we'll be looking pretty civilised again when the kids get up and we've had a full weekend.
HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY up North. Down South it's finally raining - we are so drought stricken here rain is greeted like diamond showers..

[RayCub]

Good night, georgie. I wish you a peaceful, dreamless, solid sleep tonight!!!!!

Talk to you tomorrow, my friend!

Ciao for now,

Ray

[JWD]

night night. x

[JWD]

yes, I know many many things. In fact my lawyer said we have a few good points her 1)he was stupid enouh to tell you how he hid money from first wife LOL In fact just by telling her that would make his life a misery. he is terrified of her HA. nicer to her than he is to me.

[RayCub]

I keep going over in my head if he knows anything about me that I would be traumatized if spoken out loud, but I really don't think so. I'm a pretty open book.

[RayCub]

Hey JWD - what did you do with your wedding rings???

[JWD]

Me too, can you read my face to tell how I'm feeling.

i took them off last sat and hid all my pictures. going to pawn them and buy lottery tickets

[JWD]

I don't have jewlerry (sp) as wasnt that into it, oh he got off so light with me. Ha i hinted for an eternity ring at xmas LOL

can't get those GHD's out my head though lol

[jahdog]

sell ring for lottery. good idea. voodoo doll. good idea. i know things tat i could talk about that could get my stbx fired. ha fing ha. wont do that though.

[JWD]

yeah, no point, take the higher road. I would do all that stuff and end up hating myself for it. Plus don't want him to think I actually care. I will take the screws out though. and do something to tv signal and internet signal. He will die without TV.

what did you do this weekend Jahdog? Have you heard from her at all?

[RayCub]

Hey guys,

How're things this afternoon???

[JWD]

I haven't actually moved, honestly. Hung over. I'm starving. Wish we could all go down the pub for a drink and have a laugh.

[RayCub]

Speaking of starving, I just realized I haven't eaten yet today. I should probably get on that...

He called the house while I was out getting groceries. My mom answered the phone and he acted like nothing had happened. I just don't get him...

I've been thinking a lot today about the day he left the letter for me saying "thanks for the memories"...I was so hurt that day that I told him to leave and to NEVER come back. What if he's just taking his cues from me? What if he seriously thinks I never want him to come back??? I was only trying to protect my heart when I said it, and he was so freakin' cold-hearted and indifferent when I talked to him about his letter that I think I just wanted to hurt him too.

What is WRONG with me???? I KNOW he doesn't want to come back. He wouldn't have told me he wants to come over in a month or so and get copies of some of our pictures from the photo albums if he was planning on returning!! Why do I just keep torturing myself???

[JWD]

He won't even remember probably. My H keeps saying he can't remember stuff e.g. he told me that he wasn't going to counselling and then said he can't remember, A change from i don't know right enough.

Look, at the end of the day, no matter what we say, if they want to come back, they will. we just have to get on like they don't and secretly hope they do.

I keep thinking he will see I'm getting over him and not want to put me back at sq 1, or he will be too shy to ask to come back in case I say no. Then I remember how horrible he has been and really, so selfish that they probably won't consider our feeling at all in any of it.

I haven't spoken with him in 5 days now. He doesn't care. I wish I had given him this space at the beginning and I'll always torture myself thinking if only I hadn't pushed last friday and forced him into making this decision but it was right at the time.

[jahdog]

i did not give space at first too. big mistake. lots of pathetic and hurtful emails. oh well how can one react to such cruel torture such as what we have faced. she does not care if we talk or not. seems to not want to. probobly cant face up to situation. she seems to only be a little nice so i will sign the damn papers. i guess i will just to end asap. at least no kids so i can sever all ties and try to eradicate her totally and completely from my life. best way for me to move on.

[JWD]

no kids either here. Who do they think they are telling everyone else about our marriages except for us. Awful. I'm so angry because he is sitting there telling people that we had problems. News to me and now he will say that he only started affair because we had split.

Do you think you will ever trust again?

I honestly think if this wasn't love, there is nothing left for me. How could one person be so sure and the other not have a clue? I'm not stupid, I can tell when things are amiss. There is something more, I just know it.

[jahdog]

dont know about complete trust ever again. obviosly people change minds. death do us part or we change our mind. what up with that.

[JWD]

If I didn't suspect my H capable of this then I am seriously in for more trouble in future. I think I maybe helped him get over his ex. Maybe he just sensed that I would take crap like this. You know like that saying kick people because you can.

Thats maybe why he can be so horrible because he has no respect for me. I really really do not know who this man is.

Wish I could be one of these people who have a wall around their heart. Why do we need love anyway. What's the point, everyone will just take what they can from it then piss off to the next one.

Wonder why there is always one who wants away and one who doesn't. I mean if what he is saying is that his feeling changed then why didn't I notice it? Why was he just the same as normal. Why didn't my feelings change also?


Think I'll dedicate my life to stopping love and marriage :-)

[RayCub]

And to think polygamists want MORE than one spouse.......what's up with that???

[JWD]

I know. lol. How can he want to go through another divorce? That must mean he really hates me. He must do. You must hate someone to do what he has done in past 5 weeks and decide you want out

[RayCub]

I think it's more likely that he hates himself, not you. You don't go through TWO divorces in a life-time with a high sense of self-esteem and self-worth. While he might act like an ass to you, it probably comes from feeling insecure, so he takes it out on those he's closest to, which happens to be you.

[JWD]

But why? I was always loving to him, oh what is the point, the only person that will be able to tell me is him and he doesn't know.

Maybe 6 years its easier to just leave someone.

I'm glad he hates himself because I now hate him too.

Wish I could just let go or wish I could go back in time and never have met him. It's worse knowing that I had love and lost it. I'd rather never ever experience it.

[JWD]

Maybe he though I wasn't smart enough but then she's sandwhich short of a picnic. Nothing makes any sense at all.

The man has no soul whatsoever.

[RayCub]

I wish my H hated himself. At least I would know he's not a cold, dead fish if he actually had an emotion, even if it was hate.

And I wish I hated him too. That's the problem, isn't it???

I wish I could offer advice, but you know how things are with me right now. I'm a freakin' basket case. I guess all we can do is to keep posting on here and bitching to each other and anyone else who will listen, and hope that every now and then, a wise soul will post something completely incredible and we'll feel better for a minute or two.

And drink voddy.

Any wise souls out there today???

[JWD]

Another thing I would like to know is, why of all the horrible people I've met in my time, why are they all in devoted marriages? hmmm . Why do the nasty, tred all over others types get to stay married.

[JWD]

No I'm being a sad sack, you have kids, I have it easier. Sorry.

WShat is your gut instinct telling you?

[RayCub]

OMG - don't EVER apologise for what you're going through. Mine's not worse, just different,a nd you have every right to say what you want!!

Usually, I trust my gut implicitly, but it's out of whack at the moment and needs to be taken in for a over-haul, apparently. One minute it's telling me he'll eventually see the light and want to come home and maybe we can start slowly by dating or some such nonsense, and then the next minute it's telling me to smarten the hell up and see what's happening: HE'S GONE!!

So, it's being a traitor too...can't trust anything these days.

[JWD]

LOL ray.

hold the bus, hold the bus, my daily horoscope has arrived and the love is going to burn passionately for me. Phew LOL

[RayCub]

Hey...check Gemini for me!!

[JWD]

A negative aspect is likely to make you feel restless today; even the recently positive romantic developments won’t be enough to distract you. However, what you want and what you need won’t necessarily amount to the same thing, but a balance between the two will help!

Thats yours

what is he? lets see if it was all writen in the stars before we even walked down the aisle

[JWD]

ahhh we're soul mates what can't he see it, I see it, the stars see it, what is wrong with him LOL

[RayCub]

Mine's a Saggitarius...

[RayCub]

I think his sign is a man's chest & head with a horse's body and legs. Makes sense - he's a total horse's arse.

[JWD]

lol ray


Airy Gemini and fiery Sagittarius will maintain an interest on a mental or intellectual level. Sagittarius has a sense of independence, great love for freedom, restrictions on that are not tolerable. Both signs are opposite. Gemini and Sagittarius are not demonstrative, have an immense touch of love, quick wit, are generous and cheerful. Gemini lacks in concentration and quick decision which Sagittarius has. Both are fashionable, fond of society and has no chance of separation.These two are at opposite ends of the celestial sky, so have everything to offer each other and are a very complementary combination.


It's said that the sign opposite you contains everything you lust for and lack and that's certainly true of this pair. Geminis belong to the sign of the lower mind, perfect for dealing with communications on a day-to-day basis. With Sagittarians, though, their brains have been broadened into a deeper and more profound path, towards philosophy and similar subjects. These Archers can think far beyond the realms of the Gemini and that's the clue to the success of this couple. Sagittarius can make those glib Geminians sit up and take notice.The twins are so used to ruling the roost intellectually, and yet they would be delighted to discover a Sagittarius who knows more than they do.Once these two have met, they'll set off on a voyage of mental discovery together. Even if they're merely mates, this will be a marriage of minds.

[JWD]

what is going on Ray LOL we'll never know

[georgie]

And I'm back. Just dropped the kids off to school.
There are none so blind as those that WILL NOT see. Let's take a trip outside our own lives - float up in to the air and look down on our situations... Look at the actions of our partners - what's the verdict are they angels or a@@holes?? Did any of us dream of a life long commitment to the latter?
I justify my partners actions for him - he's going through something, it's MLC, he's stressed and traumatised. All that may be true but what can I do about any of it? NOTHING!! All my suggestions re: counsellors, doctors, talking, working things out, trying, listening etc. etc. etc. they all fall on deaf ears - the man he was has gone gone gone. The odd tantalising glimpse appears now and again like fools gold to me, but in essence he has gone. Maybe he'll come back maybe not.
Who will we be if and when they decide to come back? Has this experience changed us?? How could it not have. All this pain has washed over us like a wild river - shaping, eroding, cutting through - at the same time maybe it's also going to provide the basis for new growth, fertility of mind and spirit etc. I will never be the same. I will never accept the same treatment.
This is scarey, if he did come back that might be the biggest disaster of all. I can't even truly comtemplate that - anything with him would be as new as with any other person. I had to admit yesterday that I don't even like the 'new' him. He's spending 25% of our families income renting himself a bachelor pad and he agonises about what to buy for himself next - while I have to cut back on the $'s the tooth fairy leaves for my kids teeth (we had 4 teeth out in one week - the tooth fairy nearly had to ask for a federal bailout!).
I'd rather live with less money and more respect both for myself and from others.
Come on guys - we are worth more then this - and I think we actually have the reserves to pay ourselves our true value - we don't need it from anyone else. I'm not against love or relationshps at all. I hope to live a happy life with someone. It's just I realise you cant do that by settling for less then absolute love, commitment and respect and you can be happy on your own.

[RayCub]

I don't particularly like the new man my H is either. If he were a complete stranger, I wouldn't give him the time of day...wish I could stop giving him all my time - as in energy, love, etc... - now.

I KNOW I deserve better, georgie, but I can't just stop loving him out of the blue like he did to me. But I also know that if I don't stop what I'm doing, I'm going to have very little respect for myself in the end. As of right now, I can tell myself (and anyone else who matters) tha i did all I could to save our marriage and HE was the one who CHOSE to bail on us.

He's on the phone right now...ugh...

[georgie]

It's hard, it's a grieving process. It's so bitterly disapointing. It's humiliating. Slowly, slowly you start to pick yourself up and move forward. The reality that we have to face is what would life be like if they came back? Would you feel comfortable and secure? Would you live in fear of upsetting them and sending them packing again? Would you feel totally compromosied? Would you feel resentful eventually? I don't think we are ready for any of that because we have lost ourselves. We need to work on us and our happiness. As the saying go "If you love the set them free, if they love you they'll come back". We'll get through this Ray, for ourselves and for our kids. The kids and us deserve to be happy, let's try to work on that. Feel the fear, take a deep breath with me and let's do our best.

[RayCub]

OK, I'm breathing with you...I promise I'll give this my best shot.

[JWD]

Georgie, you are so wise. I needed to read that. I think the 3 of them are in a MLC, really do.

Anyway, I know I have said it before but, My counsellor (thats all I say these days) said what you had and the person you knew then, it's past. From now on is the future you and him, we need to decide if we want that because the old life we had, it's not coming back. So we need to see if we actually do want these new men back.

I think you hit the nail on the head there, It is so out of our hands, what more could we we doing? nothing, so we just have to ride along with it but heal ourselves in the process. We are actually very strong ladies aren't we. At least we are seeking help and trying to understand it. We don't have the luxury of running off. I wonder how your 2 selfish husbands would cope left with the children. Imagine you left them for a week to cope. Don't think so.

There is always horoscopes and free tarot reading to indulge in when we need a wee pick me up :-)

[georgie]

I'm still waiting for my 'full' horoscope! then all my problems will be solved !
I have to apply for jobs now - REJECTION is a big part of my life these days - it will become like water off a ducks a$s to me...
"Am I bovered? Does my face look bovered? I'm NOT BOVERED"

[JWD]

LOL, I need to go in and face an abusive 'client' tomorrow, oh I'm willing him to start on me these days.

They don't give you full scope, just when they are about to tell you what the hell is happening, you suddenly need to pay. My wish list is still doing the rounds. My cousin didn't open it so I'm blaming her for my marriage break dowN HA HA.

[georgie]

Of course - it's chain e-mails that are to blame, now it all makes perfect sense!
I am open to any confrontation these days. I had some parking nazi hitting my car with a pointing stick when I went to a local festival with the kids yesterday - she does not know how close she was to spending the night in emergency having that stick removed from her nether regions! I settled for explaining to her the correct hand signal for indicating that you want someone to stop i.e. not pointing to the right when there is a right turn there and it's a car park, and then I left her with another signal less specific to driving..
If someone wants to start with me BRING IT ON!! I pity the poor person that eventually cops the brunt of all this pent up GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUMPYNESS

[dave123]

Get yourself to a kickboxing class or something! I do a martial arts class and the pad work really gets it all out!

[JWD]

Good idea dave.

Well came home to a solicitors letter, my heart was pounding, felt sick as I read it then realised it was a solicitor I had contacted LOL.

[georgie]

I spent $27 on some online legal advice today (yes - I think I interrupted them in an ambulance chase) - God it's all too hard - when I asked them for the advice and paid my HUGE fee I actually wanted them to 'make it so' not tell me what I have to do - I need a WIFE for a few weeks to sort my life out. Think I will stick my head back in the financial sand for another few days.... fingers crossed I may find some buried treasure! Womens libbers everywhere I'm sorry for letting you all down - I know I should be going for the jugular or gonads at this point, but I've decided to let it go for a little while longer.
If we reconcile I will live in fear of unsolicited emails from dodgy online solicitors offering to screw the B@tard for me..... I'm leaving land mines burried everywhere..
BTW check out heartbroken sams thread - she needs some support. I think I'll hit the sack now.. another day, another small step forward, no crying, no fighting, a brief spell of self pity, all in all NOT TOO BAD! I have been eating some real crap though - I had cheese biscuits, and cheese and grapes for dinner - I don't even really like cheese, lunch was extra cheese cornchips... is this the begining of my descent into cheese hell.. H is the cheese eater, maybe his crazy spirit is possessing me now... YIKES I may deliver you all the "I love ya but not IN love with ya" speech before long!

[JWD]

I'm not starting it either, he wants it he can start it.

check out http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

Right theme tune from rocky jab jab

[RayCub]

Bah to women's lib...it's easy to spout off if you've never been through it, or if you're so bitter the only thing you can think of is monetary revenge. I have a good job, make good money, am self-sufficient, have my own pension plan, bank account and credit card (knock wood for all of that). That being said, we had a joint bank account and payed all our bills together. The van is in his name, the older car in mine. All of the untilities were in his name. We rent our home, no lease in either name. I've stood up for myself re:women's "issues" more than once, and I teach my girls to stand up for themselves.

I guess the point I'm getting at is I'm probably a poster child for women's lib, but I was still deceived and lied to and hurt unbelievably so. And just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I'm going to go all gonzo on his a$$ and "make him pay!!". I just want him to help out with the kids - his fair share. Making him pay would not make me feel any better about myself or the situation.

You know what? I don't even know what I'm getting at in this post. I think I'm just rambling to hear (see) myself ramble.

Sorry!

[jahdog]

ramble on sister.

[JWD]

i think my H is so consusmed by money now that it is his only focus. Makes me sick, it wasn't me who wanted the massive house and expensive holidays, but no, caravans and camping were not his style.

I need deposit for a flat and considering the money he has that is fair. he can shove his money where the sun don't shine because it certainly hasnt given him anything to be happy about.

[yogamad]

No, money doesn't make you happy. We've had lots of money and no money but if you're not happy, you're not happy. Hope you get the deposit together for your flat, JW. How are your driving lessons going? Have you started yet? :0)

[georgie]

Good luck with the driving. I had to overcome massive fear to force myself to learn - but now, there is no stopping me - even in the f'ing MLC bus he insisted I drive, appart from that one time when the pilar came too close in the shopping centre - reckless things pilars..

[JWD]

Hi, going really well. My instructor is so so funny. Actually look forward to driving now.

There will be no stopping me soon.

[jahdog]

if you see the H now you can run him over. just kidding.

[JWD]

haha before the separation agreement get signed ching ching KIDDING

[Sheila]

Hun you're on here supporting everyone else, but not posting anything on your thread - are you ok?
Hows the driving, and did you get your laptop working?
xx

[JWD]

Hi, feel sick, after feeling much better about the whole thing I arrived home to find a letter from his lawyer. I knew it was coming but god, I feel like I'm tryiong to come to terms with it emotionally and now it's off to fight with lawyers. He has offered a pathetic amnount of settlement. Really bad. His lawyers tells me not to go for the business or pensions. I can't bel;ieve I loved this man. It's no where near enough to buy a car never mind a deposit for a flat.

Anyway, feel so down now. Don't think I have the energy for this. He is a digusting excuse for a human being and now I fear I'll hate him forever. Where has all his morals gone, his sense of right and wronng. He must have been planning this all along as the wording suggests that I have no choice because of dates etc.

He didn't even get the date he left right not that it matter i suppose but he is saying we separated a week before we did. Just another lie I guess

I'm not coping with this at all

[JWD]

I sounded greedy there, I don't mean it like that. I don't know why I'm angry, just feel like it's all too easy for him. It makes me feel like I was nothing. I'll never understand how some people can be so vindictive. Of course, he'll justif it by telling himself it's the lawyers advice and that business is business. I've often thought about telling him exactly what his actions are causing and how cruel he is but it makes no difference as he is now in this frame oif mind nothing will change him. Besides, why would I bother trying to make him a decent Human, it would be like trying to better him for the next gullible idiot.

My lawyer laughed so I feel a little calmer.

Really, really fighting againt the hatred.

I wonder if it's doing me any good at all trying to work out if he has always been like this or if he is actually in some sort of stress right now. I only end up going round and round in circles.

I'm so glas I went to the new free counsellor yesterday. She taught me breathing exercises and really felt that I had a sense of why he is doing whjat he is doing. She said it sounds like I can read him like a book, not so much now altyhough I think he would like me to text call him up and be hysterical. I won't of course. I just fell between the rise above it school of thought and the uyou're being a door mat.
Ah to hell, I go for everything he doesn't want, that will be his justification for thinking I'm the horrible one because I always said I wouldn't but so what, he promised to be faithful.

I think the main problem I'm having is first the way it was broken to me, second the awful lies and third the total lack of empathy or compassion from his whole family.

I'm so much better off in the long run but it is very frightening to think that you trust and love someone so much and know that they did feel the same and to end up the opposite him not loving and me not trusting.

I wonder if one day it will hit him, I wonder if he has lost so much respect for me by being so upset in the first place, I only cried a few times in front of him. Beating myself up again. No point wondering what he is thinking is there.

On the positive side, I really picked out the good from the bad in friends, I realise that I'm not a very good judge of character but I seem to have many good friends surrounding me and a few surprise let downs. That's life and it just goes to show that one one had I'm amazed at the awful behaviour of a few but equally amazed at the kindness thats come from some unexpectedly.

Getting off this thread, it's soooooooooo depressing

[JWD]

Another thing that bugs me. Have you seen how many articvles, books, dvds out there all geared toward understanding what he's thinking, she's thinking, what does it mean when he/she does this, does that. What his/her secret body language can tell you.

What am I missing here????/ What is the big secret? Why can't we just open our mouths and say what we're feeling, thinking? Why do we need thousands of different articles promising you ways to get your feelings across.

Why is it so difficult.

Jwd, I've made a mistake, I no longer feel I love you. I'm sorry and I'm devastated that I could possibly be hurting you but I need to be selfish and go with my feeling as I don't feel I can give you the love you deserve/require/expect/need?? and before I run off testing the water with other women, lie to you, deny the existance of other women, break you down and rewrite our whole marriage, I'd just like to be honest with you and try if I can make this as easy for you as possible and have patience with you. Afterall, you've done the best you can to try make me happy and content with the informatin and actions I've givien you and I still respect you as a Human being with feelings.

Oh here is a a massive payout to help you on your way.

Really, apart from the last sentence which was a joke, would it have been any easier? Is that too much to ask of someone?

Would I still have posted all the same posts if this is what I was told?

[jahdog]

hey JWD, sorry that you are having to deal with all this. I know what you mean. believe me, I end up going in circles also. I feel not quite ok sometimes but little better and then wham, crash, think about the whole thing and get real depressed. especially when thinking about my spouse's planning while i was trying to be a good husband. all sorts of thing to keep wondering and thinking about and dwelling on. boy howdy this effin sucks. long hsrd rosd for us .

[JWD]

Hi JD, I feel like a five year old having a temper tantrum because I can get my way. Think i made the mistake in staying and not leaving. This house is one massive trigger.

I'm exhausted, I can hardly be bothered going to my own lawyer never mind looking at areas to stay.
He really has shafted me and I'm so desperate for karma to come along and kick him out my site, mind and thoughts. I really sick of him actually. Getting the pi$s taken right out me and he thinks he is getting away with it. I have nothing to lose so if he wants a divorce and thinks for a minute I'm agoing to sit here like some fool and take it he can go to hell.

COME ON JD, LETS SHOW THEM. They're a waste of thought and energy. I don't know why I'm torturing myself, makes me feel bad and I'm sure his heart of stone isn't feeling any twinges. it's crazy. What on earth are we hanging on to? Memories (false ones), loss? it lost to mov on. Security? emotional,physical and financial? Why on earth are we doing this? We deserve people to adore us. Is it our low self esteem or is this right what we're putting ourselves through? Is it natural to be so devastated. What is it that happens when you fall in love that makes it so hard to fall out of love.

Do you think you'd rather be the one that walked away? It seems so much easier. I can't imagine doing it but right now, I'd rather be the walk away.

[JWD]

What is happening with your situation jd. have you heard from her

[jahdog]

yes i would rather have been the leaver. sure would be easier. i almost daily go over the last ten years and especially the last several months and almost puke. the false sense of love and the big lie i have been living in really gets me. even day before she walked. and previous few before that. big masquerade. same kiss goodbye and calls and other crap. big damn lie. i would love to be able to put her through the misery she put me through. problem is no way i could do that. goes to show that you never really know anyone and never could imagine what people could be capable of. they are a waste of time and energy-can not spare much of either. i really would like to be able to say and mean to hell with you. i actually do often, but then wonder and rehash past and end up like i am now just kind of wondering what the hell happened. who was this person that i married and put all faith and trust in. i guess i need to stop rambling now.

[jahdog]

my situation is full steam ahead D-I-V-O-R-C-E. only thing i get are curt to the point emails about loose ends-divorce business. I read yesterday it takes most people about three years to recover from divorce. some less some longer. gonna be a long damn 3 years.-

[JWD]

Yeah, I hear it's about 2-3 years. Depressing, we just need to concentrate on getting better and better whilst aknowledging that we're still healing. My concern is that I do eventually heal properly.

Anyway, the tarot cards are out and the angels cards are in lol. Going to meditate and listen to my inner guidance.

You know, its shocking how something to special and sacred turns to this, complete strangers deciding my future. being rushed to get over the most traumatic loss I've ever know.

There just has to be a lesson in all this somewhere or something that says that's why this happened.

We'll heading for a new beginning aren't we. lets just try be positive and go with the flow.

p.s., I've changed my super power, i want to be the mind reader lol,

WTF JD

[Ageing Grace]

JWD, I recognise every single thing you're saying - and you're not being greedy.

His lawyers have opened confrontationally which is a pain the ass because, by the time the 'negotiations' have been done, the two sets of fees will have eaten up half the money for your new place!

While I definitely don't recommend negotiating for yourself (I did this - twice - and lost out big time. You'd think I'd have learned after the first, wouldn't you??), I do STRONGLY recommend discussing the problem with your own lawyer first, then another lawyer and finally with your ex. It's ridiculous to declare battle from the outset, and he may well have been railroaded into it.

And, yeah ... all that "giving lurve", nourishing my karma & keeping the moral high ground cost me hundreds of thousands. Shame I can't put karma in the bank :mad:

Actually, you're doing VERY well, JWD! I'm sure there's at least as much down as up currently, but really ... you are doing brilliantly.

Protect yourself - from greedy ex-husbands AND greedy lawyers!!

AG x

[JWD]

Thank you ag, actually only this month the cut off for legal aid has went up so may look into that however my lawyer did agree to £800 but obviosuly if greedy face plays his dirty tricks then I'll need to get a forensic trail which will cost. Not sure if I should get the legal aid or go with this one. Will check it out tomorrow.

[JWD]

hi no i don't do readings, i keep getting them by googling free tarot. I believe in spiritualist churches etc. in fact something pretty amaxing happened to me very early this morning and that was after having a very accurate tarot reading and angel card

I can give you links to some good sites if you like, I've also found a great site which gives healing and free reading. they are lovely people.

[JWD]

http://www.spirit-and-soul.com/news.php

you can ask for a free reading in the staff forum. this is best as the members forum is slower.

I'll post the other sites when I can access my email

edit

http://www.free-tarot-reading.net/

http://www.aplacefortheheart.co.uk/affirmations/hayaffirmations.htm

[georgie]

OMG I think I am now addicted to Tarot - I did some last night, when I say some I'm talking like millions - used up my quota on on site then went looking for another. The really sad part is I don't even understand most of the readings, and was shuffling decks when I was so tired last night that I was too tired to read the results, but was mesmerised by the process...
Think I better seek out a 12 step programme for this - hopefully one where they give me the steps on electonic cards and I can shuffle and select, shuffle and select, shuffle and select.....

[JWD]

Yeah, it's far too addictive, i'm on the angel cards now. I was at the stage where I couldn't decide what colour pants to wear without consulting the tarot.

[Sheila]

Oh JWD, you do make me laugh, what would you do if you were told not to wear any.....:rolleyes:

[JWD]

I would immediately consult my angel cards or an oracle card to find the meaning of the tarot card LOL

[georgie]

ok now I have to check out Angel Cards...

[JWD]

http://www.angelsofabundance.com/reading.htm

[JWD]

After a while...
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn...
Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall

[RayCub]

Amen to that! Wow!

[georgie]

That is perfect

[JWD]

Well fourth day and no tears:-) Not that sad anymore wither. Even managed to look at a wedding photo and not feel so sad. I actually looked miserable in the photo lol. I still instinctively kissed his face on the pic but think that's just a silly immature habit. I really adored him at that time.

Anyway, he sent text asking after me blah blah and wants to come round for his accounts. Felt like saying oh don't worry they are in good hands lol, don't even know where they are and don't care anymore.

Got some good news from lawyer, man they are so with it aren't they.

I'd love to be able to say H can come and go as he pleases and really I have no legal right not to allow this but I just don't like the thought of him in here on his own. Probably because I can't bare the thought of him finding many of my scattered affirmations lol, you know that way you think you have been careful then one will likely fall out at his feet. I'd die of embarrassment.

Incidently, If I delete browser history, will that mean he can't see stuff I've been googling?

[dave123]

Hi JWD,

I wouldn't let the ex come and go as i felt as soon as she walked she was gone. Technically she still could have but i didn't let it happen. Now the house is mine she can stay the hell away! Some of her stuff is in the garage and i told her that she needs to come get it as i need the room for my motorbike. Ha ha!

As for the google thing simply clearing your history wont work. Look at this link to do it...
http://www.googletutor.com/2005/04/11/clear-search-history/

Or just set up userid's on the PC so you have privacy.

Take care,

Dave

[Ageing Grace]

Some of her stuff is in the garage and i told her that she needs to come get it as i need the room for my motorbike.

Lots of lols