here goes

[wounded]

hello everyone.

i have been reading your forums for the past 2 days. i wright this with shaking hands. i see alot of broken hearts on postive replys here. so i decided to share what is going on in my life. this is new to me but i need some advice and some encourgment from somewhere.


26 days ago my wife decided to go stay at her moms house. this blind sided me. i knew that she wasnt happy and i was trying to fix a few things that i knew she didnt like unfortunatly i didnt see the real reason/reasons.

i have been addicted to a online game for the past 10 months. it started while i was recovering from a knee surgery where all i could do was sit or lie down watch tv or sit in front of a comp. this game took most my attention away from her my daughter and the house. i whore a headset talked to friends i met in the game and that this headset kept me diconnected.

she has told me she has lost feelings for me and she doesnt love me like she use to. she says shes confused and doesnt know what she feels about us although she did say that "divorce is the furthest thing from her mind". that helped a bunch knowing it wasnt over yet. she has voiced that she wants to find that love that she had again. we have made love 7 times in the last 2 to 3 weeks she has spent the night with me at our house a couple of times and she went to my parents for christmas.

im confused i dont know how to procceed or what to do. im trying to stay positive and loving. i have quit online games totaly even though she said i didnt have to just reduce the time spent on them. im getting back to my old hobbys and hanging out with friends again. i have even started remodeling the upstairs bath room. she has allways wanted it to be her bathroom and im trying to make it that way even though i have no idea how to be a carpenter.

i feel i have corrected the wrongs that she has pointed out to me thus far. i have showed her on numerous occasions that the old me is back and its not just a quick thing to win her back. its me to stay as i tell her. but it seems she not responding in the last week. i have to instigate the time spent. she doesnt seem to put forth any effort spend time or even talk much. all the things she has told me that she was hurt about has been adressed. i even asked her if i was making an inprovment just to see if she was noticeing and she said yes.

i feel like im in limbo i confused, insecure, hurt, and scared. i feel that to find what she is looking for would be easier to find if she comes back to the house instead of having seperation while she is living at her moms.

trying to stay positive while im here alone is rough. my mind seems to find itself diving into dark waters with the bad possibles that are looming there. i have a couple of friends that i trust to talk. they say she will come back but dont realy have a reason or any supporting evedince to why they think that.

all in all im still breathing and thats a good thing. i get my daughter everyday for atleast a few hours which is great to play and read with her, but painful all at the same time do to me thinking of her mom when i see her.

my wife thinks she needs to figure out what ever it is she needs to figure out on her own. i want to help her so bad but i dont want to be pushy. i want her to understand that im always here to listen ( which im working on i tend to interupt her alot) to support her but i think she doesnt want me to.

i realy dont know what to do or how to progress in this. shes the love of my life and i dont want to lose her.

thanks for reading even with me typing this out some how i feel alittle better.

thank u again

[dave123]

trying to stay positive while im here alone is rough. my mind seems to find itself diving into dark waters with the bad possibles that are looming there. i have a couple of friends that i trust to talk. they say she will come back but dont realy have a reason or any supporting evedince to why they think that.

...

my wife thinks she needs to figure out what ever it is she needs to figure out on her own. i want to help her so bad but i dont want to be pushy. i want her to understand that im always here to listen ( which im working on i tend to interupt her alot) to support her but i think she doesnt want me to.



Hello, good man for posting, just letting out the fears and the questions is a big step in realising the problem, or problems.

It sounds like there has been damage done to this relationship and no-one seems sure how deep or permanent that damage is. It's good that you have disconnected from the unreal world and are back in the real one. For your wife, for your daughter but especially for you.

The 2 bits that i quoted are already the answers that you need. I cannot give advice to you, only i know that all my best advice has come from within myself, and from a professional counselor. Friends are going to try to make you feel better and will tell you what they think you need/want to hear. Listen to your wife, and listen to yourself, you are the people in this together.

I hope space and time are a healer, keep positive and enjoy your friends and time with your daughter.

Good luck,

Dave

[Hilary]

Good on you for starting to address your issues and for recognising that some things needed to change in the way you relate to your w.
That is a big step.

You seem to be wanting reassurance that you will get her back in the future. As you also know no-one can actually do that for you. But you can take reassurance that in the long term things can work out well for you so that it is much better than it has been and much better than it is at the moment. We can know that because that is a matter of decision and action on your part and you do have control of that - the exact details of WHAT happens is all that you don't know.
But your future can be very enjoyable and fulfilling.

During this time of discomfort and confusion ask yourself: what do I want for myself and for us over the next 10 years of our lives?
Ask your w what needs to happen for her to come back to the house? And to be happy and fulfilled in a stable marriage with you?
And ask her what she wants for herself and for all of you over the next 10 years of her and your lives?

Then when you have that info sit with it and be truly confused!!!
Don't feel a need to have all the answers at the moment - your unconscious can work with your conscious mind to make sense out of it over time.

Confusion isn't a bad thing - what it shows is that you are prepared to take new information in that doesn't fit your preconceptions - it can be a very positive state - try to avoid being driven by anxiety to force fit it all into your previous understandings.

In the meantime make sure you eat well and do your basic self care. Go well.

[Raymond]

Good advice. I would add that the damage was done when you inadvertantly isolated yourself from her. That must have affected her and set her thinking. Although you seem to have put things right it will take some time before it works through to her I would say. Sometimes we are let down by someone pretty badly and then they try and put it right. In the interim period we have disengaged a bit from them and when they do put it right it can be a bit difficult to feel connected straight away depending on ones tempermant. So as Hilary says all may not be lost yet. You have to continue to be loving and attentive until you are through this patch I think. You will be tested but try not to get resentful. Maybe she is trying to make a point?

Raymond

[Ageing Grace]

Dear Wounded,

Well done for quitting your game :) :) It shows you weren't (yet) actually addicted to it ... and welcome back to the real world! I'm sure it feels less than welcoming to you at the moment. You're clearly in shock, and no wonder.

From what you say in your post, the signs look pretty good to me. You're still in touch (or back in touch!): you're being a father to your daughter again; you're talking; having sex, and you're spending time with humans in real life. This is great.

Imagine if someone had just cleared off for 10 months, gone away without warning: no letter, no phone calls just a few postcards. Then turned up back home. Do you think his wife would say, "oh, nice to see you, I'll put the kettle on"? I don't.
I think she would be angry; confused; she'd most likely tell him to get straight back out the door & not come back.

It must have been quite like that for your wife; you were there in body, but all your attention & enthusiasm was somewhere else.

I'd say your greatest risk is getting so lost in your misery that you turn to something - either your game, or some other addictive habit - to 'make you feel better'. Don't do it!!!

Keeping VERY busy with the bathroom, your daughter, your friends and whatever else you can constructively do has got to be the way forwards :) Keep showing your wife that you do understand what upset her, and that you care very much about her happiness with you. I think this is all she needs.

Best wishes,
AG

[wounded]

thank you for posting everyone.

we had a good night last night. she came over and we played with our daughter ordered pizza and just were together. we didnt talk about our situation at all we laughed alittle ( which felt great) she let me give her a back rub and then we sat down to start figuring out our taxes. i havent ever been involved with doing the taxes she always did them on her own.
all in all it was a positive night.

i did ask her for a favor. i asked if in the next week or so we could sit down and talk. no kids just us. i told her i wanted to talk about were we are at in this situation and were do i stand with her. i also told her i wanted to talk of our future. i guess this is the hardest part at this stage for me. i dont know were im at with her i dont know if what im doing or saying is helping. it seems to be but she hasnt indicated that it is. she agreed with out any fuss.

as she left last night for the first time she told me that she would call me when she gets off work tommorow. im always the one trying to make contact and for her to say that realy lightend my heart.

i think u might be right raymond. maybe she is trying to make a point. but i cant be sure of that. im so looking forward to talking with her. i stressed that i didnt want to talk about the past. i told her i wanted to put my/ our energy into making the future.

wish me luck i will post a update after our talk. thanks again for the kind words and advice it means the world to me.

[dave123]

Hello again,

Sounds positive, and you are doing everything you can to make this better. I hope you get the answers you want next week.

Good luck!

Dave

[Raymond]

It does sound more hopeful W. It's great how you can relax and enjoy an evening, especially the back rub. Things are thawing it seems. You can only do your best the rest is up to her. I really hope it all works out.

Raymond

[Hilary]

Go well, I really hope that things work out for you.

In the meantime, keep up the good self care.

Hilary

[wounded]

hello all i have an update

well she wasnt ready to talk real deep about whats going on in her head. she says that work and the injury of her sons knee has kept her from having any alone time to put towards thinking and working some issues out in her head. i told her that i understood and that im still here and willing to talk and spend time when she is ready to.

she did stop by last night after work. i was having a down day trying not to let my mind run away with me. we talked about small everyday stuff.
then i asked her a question and told her i needed and answer.

i asked if she was commited to working on healing our marriage. before she answered i told the reasons behind the question and why i needed to ask it. she understood why and it seemed that my reasons for asking sank in.

we had a couple of kisses and hugs i told her i missed her. she told me in the next couple of weeks she will have time to spend thinking about what ever it is thats on her mind. i also told her that i needed alittle more communication. not just the everyday stuff and scheduling but real communication. what she wants, hows she feels about the time spent, is it helping or am i upsetting her with actions and words i use things of that nature and she agreed to work on that.

so all in all its a hopefull day again. still taking it one day at a time and trying to stay sain.

until next update stay well.

[Raymond]

You seem like a changed man wounded and sound vey mature.

I really do hope you get the fruit of the seeds you have sowed on his one.

Raymond

[wounded]

*sigh*......

im so confused at this point. i dont understand whats going on.

a week ago i asked her if we could talk with in the next week. she agreed that we would. today i asked her if we were going to talk tonight she blew up at me. she told me shes not ready to talk yet.

she has told me today that she can see the change in me and that all the little things i do like giving her flowers, cards and the little actoins i do help, but she thinks every time we see each other i try to talk about why she is still living at her moms even though she can see the change.

she says no one can get her to talk before shes ready. i can understand that. she also says she waiting for the love she had? to come back.
in my mind and heart i dont see the "love" to come back with out us trying together. its not just going to show up without effort. being seperated like we are its so difficult to show my love and to spend time.

she has also told me today that there is nothing more i can do to bring her back home until she is ready. i cant figure out for the life of me what there is to be ready for. or maybe she is waiting for that love to be felt again im not sure.

maybe im being impaitient or to pushy. i miss her and my daughter so much. its so hard not to get bitter at the situation. ive tried so hard to make a change not only for her and my daughter but for myself as well. i feel bitterness at times because it seems that im putting in 150% for the both of us and not seeing much of anything coming from her.

im very scared that my heart will end up not feeling that love for her as time goes on. am i wrong to want her home to show her the love, attention, respect, and kindness that she deserves. not shown that to her over the last 6 months is what drove her out and i want so desperatly to to show her that i can and will everyday.

im also scared of even talking about it after that fight we had today. why is it that i feel that i need answers to keep going on and trying?

for now i will continue to pray for god to take this matter into his hands and his will to be done.

till the next update god bless.

wounded

[dave123]

for now i will continue to pray for god to take this matter into his hands and his will to be done.



I'm not particularly religious Wounded but this sounds like really good advice, your partner has been pretty clear about where she is. It's really hard to let go of trying to manage or control this situation (I know), but all you can do is be the best man you can be and let her see it when she chooses to see it. You can't force it on her, and in an effort to let her know how much you care you may be overdoing it and pushing her away.

In this case time will tell. Why rush it when your hope is that you will have the rest of your life to make it good with her.

Take care,

Dave

[wounded]

thank you dave. ive been reading your story as well. it seems we all are at different stages in our daily lives with or without our spouse.

yesterday afternoon i confronted her about talking. WOW was that the wrong thing to do. we got into a heated argument were she was ready to just call it quits.

some how we both calmed down before our conversation was over but she was still very angry and so was i. she ended up going into work and i stayed home with my daughter and then went and picked up my son. ( we have hers mine and ours btw).

the kids and i had a great night together. my wife came over after she got off work ( about 10:30 at night). i already had the kids in bed and i was just sitting there waiting for her to arrive. she came in and looked at the mail not seeing me sitting there in my comp chair watching her. she was suprised i was up. i go to work at 4:00 in the morning. we talked about how her night was and went over some scheduling stuff.

i appoligized about pushing her a bit earlier in the day. i explained that i do that at times not because i wanted to upset her but because i care so much to bring us back together that i want some answers or insight on her feelings. she isnt ready to open up yet i can tell. we ended up making love after our pillow talk. i went to work today. i came home to my laundery being done folded and put away. she went shopping and stocked my cabinets with food. not just food to know me and our daughter have something to eat but things that i only eat or drink. maybe im reading into this to much but that says somthing when she did that.

i can say this im 100% glad i made her mad. it was scary but when shes mad she lets loose on her feelings, thoughts, and wants. i got some answers out of her. not many but enough.

i now realize why she isnt willing to come home yet or ready to open up. its simple realy. she is still unsure about how she feels. she knows that there is love for me but i guess she cant figure out how much and what kind. she is devoted to making our marraige better.

she left for a reason and that reason is that she lost some if not all love for our marraige and me. if she comes back without atleast some of that restored than she would feel that all of this is for not.

i can understand this. and knowing this now helps a huge amount for my out look on things. now the complicated part is to respark that love we had. even if i have to go all the way back to things we did or actions that performed while we were dating i will.

i think we all fell in love with our spouses threw our actions when we were dating. the time spent the spawntainous ( i cant spell =) ) actoins we did the out of the way places we went whether it was physical or emotional and mental places. the newness of it all.

so with that all being said maybe im looney but im at peace with this.
i have a new found resolve. i made a vow to her on our marraige day. and god help me which i feel he is i will do what i can to keep it. i am going to start doing the unexpected little things to warm her heart over time. its going to be a marathon but i think im up for it with the proper support from my friends and family.

im going to continue to doing the things that make me happy. my motorcycles, hot rods, playing with my kids, ect. and during that time i will slowly but surely try to warm her heart so she just might start doing the unexpected to me. theres all ways hope and the key is to find it and ride it as long as u can.


p.s. dave was it you that is going for his motorcycle license. im tellin anyone that wants to ride there isnt another more theraputic way of getting away that i know of than getting on your cycle twisting that throttle and just haulin down the rode.


again thank you for posting your thoughts and advice this is helping me a bunch. i to am on an emtional roller coaster. but untill i find out what tommorow brings im going to enjoy my up day as much as i can.

take care until next time

wounded

[Ageing Grace]

i now realize why she isnt willing to come home yet or ready to open up. its simple realy. she is still unsure about how she feels.

I'm so happy to hear you say that!!

You hurt her feelings really badly when you - virtually - deserted her for 10 months; you can't expect everything to get back in position after only 10 days :eek:

All the signs are excellent, Wounded. Truly! What you need now (you didn't ask but I'm telling you ... ) is to give up pushing too hard, carry on with the lovely stuff & considerate actions - and keep on getting your real life together!

Have you still got a bike? I'm a speed freak myself (rode a dragster once: beat that!) but, now I'm broke, have to settle for running :p Anything that gets you focused outside of yourself does you good ... says the woman who's just spent 20 hours sitting in front of her computer :rolleyes:

Go well. It looks good.
AG

[wounded]

hi grace

accutaly its been 5 weeks and 2 days now. but after my 3 or 4 times of trying to talk and 2 of those times i pushed pretty hard for answers im almost back to square one. all i can do is stay positive that showing her in little unexpected ways that i love her and im ready to get on with our lives together will bring her heart back.

as for the bike/ bikes yes i do. i have 3 they are all kawasakis. mostly vintage ones. my main ride is a 1980 KZ1000 that i with tore completely down and turned it into a chopper. LOL that brought back some memories of her. see i wanted to make that bike a single seat rigid chop for myself but when she showed intrest i scraped my origanal blue prints and made a chopper both of us could enjoy and how we did! the other 2 are projects that are in various stages. the little 500cc 1973 kawasaki is going to be a cafe racer when im finished and i also have a 1981 kawasaki 1100 that is in its firts stages to be chopped. the plan is to build that one and do a trade/sell for a 1969 honda 450 for my wife so she can learn how to ride.

i cant say ive been in a dragster but i did for years race dirt track cars. i can remember when my wife was 7 months preg and she was stradling the engine trying to put on my sponcer stickers on the viser. i was standing behinder with arms out scared like hell she was going to fall. that was a good laugh to.

but yes i had a moment of clarity in the last 48 hours. i hope that im right about how this is going. i miss her dearly. i dont know when i will talk or see her again do to im not making contact with her. not that i dont want to but im backing off and i figure if she wants to talk to me or see me she will call. she still has plenty of reasons to contact me like scheduling for our daughter and such so i hope it wont be to many days.

take care and god bless.

wounded

[dave123]

p.s. dave was it you that is going for his motorcycle license. im tellin anyone that wants to ride there isnt another more theraputic way of getting away that i know of than getting on your cycle twisting that throttle and just haulin down the rode.


Hello,

Yes that's me the wannabe biker! It's something i have always wanted to do, and have always (nearly) had someone telling me i can't do it. I am doing the basic training we have in the UK on Tuesday and then will crack on with a couple of lessons before the proper test. Have been looking at bikes too (temptation) and really like the new Kwak ER-6. Not sure about the money side of it but now that i only have to answer to myself... Who's going to stop me!

I hope you stay chilled and take things as they come over the next few days. I really hope you get somewhere with your partner, it sounds promising from what you've told us.

Good luck,

Dave

[wounded]

good on you dave. i hope you get your license and realy enjoy the open road on two wheels. unfortunatly for me its winter here and the temp is looming around 13 degrees. so i cant go to MY therapy for a few months.

well heres a short up date.

since the weekend we havent spoke much only to schedule when im picking up my daughter. this is a realy hard step to take for me. i yearn to see her if its only for a few minutes. i miss her so much. she was my rock when i needed to get things off my chest. works been a bit stressful and i dont have anyone that understands my job like she does.

although the last few days have been rough im some how at peace at the same time with my plan. i need to give her room to miss me. its scary not knowing if shes thinking about us or thinking about how or when she will return home. i have no indication on hows she doing with that.

i did drop off a note and cd last night on her car. it had a couple of songs that i burned on it. and the note was simple " thinking of you hope you had a good night at work talk to ya soon" . its bugging me if she saw it or not when she went home or if she took the time to listen to the cd but these are things im learning to deal with slowly.

trying to stay indipendent is hard. most of the friends that are around have there own lives and things going on during the week so its hard not to be alone. with it so cold outside its difficult to go and do anything to keep me busy.

im staying positive though by consentrating on the good signs i have from her that happened over the last couple of weeks. my mood has changed to a more melow semi happy from a depressed i dont want to talk mood.

well im off to pick up my daughter and then after i drop her off the guys and i are catching a movie.

take care and god bless

wounded

[wounded]

first sorry for the double post but im HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!


my wife stopped by to day to settle up on a bill we had. she was only planning to stop and i run out to get the money from her.

to my suprise she stopped and came inside YAY! we talked about my step sons grades and other everyday stuff. then out of the blue we got on the subject of riding the motorcycle. we talked about our trip we took to my home town for a bike rally and how she loved me being proud of her for riding on the back of my chopper for 120 miles. i told her i was proud of her also but more proud of just having her behind me.

she made the plans for this year already going riding to another bike rally together. "gasp" i was thrilled she was talking about the future together.
she also talked about how she wants ( i said wants) to go camping and fishing this summer as well. this is the first want ive heard out of her in a long time.

she ended up rocking our daughter in her chair and sat on the coffee table next to her and we continued to talk. then she reached out and started playing with my goat tee. ( man did i miss that) i was shocked that she touched me in a affectionate way with out me instigating it.

maybe my little gift worked and it warmed her heart? i think it might have.
she stayed for about an hour then she need to go. she has pool leagues on tuesday nights.

it was such a positive 1 hour that had to post about it. my heart is so warm right now ^^.

we are still on for our date for sat. i pray it will go as well as i hope it will.

i dont think im looking into these actoins to much. this is a first in 5 weeks that this has happened with out me trying first. it was with out a dout the most positively charged 1 hour with out sex that we have shared since before she left. maybe things are changing. i definatly didnt expect any of this today thats why im alittle over joyed.

she also told me she would call tonight and let me know how she did in her pool game. i cant wait for her call but im sure im not going to get the call since i will be in a movie. ill try to return it when i get out

wish me luck

wounded.

[Ageing Grace]

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Your last post warmed my heart Wounded!

Just keep being the wonderful man you've become since you un-plugged yourself ... carry on like this; you'll have to change your username to Wounded Unplugged (could be a sellout) :D

Hope you enjoyed the movie.
All the best,
AG

[Raymond]

Yeah that's really good news. You will have learned so much through this. That's great. You are obviously getting somewhere.

Raymond

[Flubber]

Fantastic news Wounded.

I am really thrilled for you.

Word of caution though. Swallows and Summer and all that. Keep focused on what you are doing, cause it's obviously working. There is still that finishing line to aim for.

Wishing you well

[wounded]

Thanks AG, raymond, and flubber!

well alittle update. its been a couple of days and things for myself are going well im becoming comfortable being alone for the most part. the days are getting easier to get threw now that i have accepted that i cant change the things i do not control but i can change the things i can( which are my actoins).

yesterday afternoon was a good day to cut wood for my fire place. i rounded up all my stuff and headed out. knowing that my wifes plans on her day off didnt have me in them because i asked.

so im cutting away and finaly get my truck full and head into town. i saw a couple of my friends trucks in front of the bar so decided to stop and join them. i was in there for an hour and need to get somthing out of my vehicle. noticed i left my phone in the truck i picked it up and had 3 missed calls!

my wife had called me and hour before. so i rang her back to see what she wanted. it turns out that she wanted me to go and do some shopping with her and my daughter. at first i was devistated to know i missed out on spending some time with them. my heart sank.

after talking to here for a few minutes i picked up alittle frustration in her voice. she was upset or angry. i didnt ask why but i could very well tell that somthing was bothering her. she kept it short and told me shed "let me get back to what i was doing".

after the call im thinking to myself, she mad because i wasnt sitting at home waiting for her call! maybe im wrong but it seems that way.

my friends and i laughed it off so wouldnt dwell on the time lost with her and our daughter.

also she is thinking of bailing out on our date. supposedly there is a birthday party this saturday that our daughter was invited to by one of her sisters friends. she says shes probably going to take her.

my thought was why doesnt her sister take her then we could still have our date. she knows how important this date is to me grrr. im not sure how im going to react to her bailing on me. it would seem that she isnt realy putting our chances at healing our marriage very high on her priority list. well i guess it will be yet another thing for me to over come.

until next time thanks for the support everyone.


god bless
wounded

[Flubber]

Hi Wounded,
Don't make an issue out of her bailing out of the date. If she does, perhaps ask her is she wants to suggest an alternative date. If she doesn't just carry on as you are doing

Flubber

[Raymond]

Flubber is right wounded. Keep doing what you are doing and don't let the little bumps throw you. I've been thinking that a lot of her anger is because she wants it to work. If she didn't care she might not be angry. The whole thing has been a wake-up call for you but you are on the right track.

I think it is good that you are going out with friends as well and enjoying hobbies. You need this. You are not doing things in a spirit of "couldn't care less about her". Having your me time will help you do what you have to do to get your marriage on track again. Timing is everything.

Raymond

[dave123]

Hello,

Thanks for the updates, sounds like the whole situation is pretty confusing for you. Also sounds a little like the Mrs is confused too. I agree with Ray that you need to keep on with the "me" time, and also to not over-analyze every event and word to infinity. (It's hard i know)

Take things one step at a time and try to stay calm and detached as possible.

I really hope your summer turns out as well as you are hoping for and that you can share it with your partner. If not you can still do all those things and enjoy them for yourself.

Good luck.

Dave

[wounded]

hello all :D

i tryed to post an update earlier this week but unable to connect to the forums. oh well got alot of good news to share.

first i want to thank you all for posting and reading. this site has been a real emotianal release for me. whether im reading or typing it has helped huge.

this past week has been awsome! on monday after our blow up over her bailing on our date ( it couldnt help itself to blow up) my W started trying to work on us.

on monday she came over to the house we spent time together just talking everyday stuff. it was nice no tension no bad feelings beening talked about. then out of no were she started to hug and hold me. CONFUSED and EXCITED all at the same time we ended up cuddling for a bit before she was off to work.

to my suprise tues and wed was the same she was here at the house waiting for me to get home from work and we talked and cuddled.

on thursday she called in to work to have some one cover her shift. she wanted to spend time with me and our daughter. we spent the whole evening together.

see my W has never been a touchy feely type of person. myself on the other hand like hugs and small kisses often. for some reason she has picked this habit up and is showing me alot of affection. im not sure what it is. im not asking at this point just riding the wave for now letting those feelings kind of grow themselves. its been a great week i hope this keeps up give you and up date soon.

god bless
wounded

[dave123]

Hi,

All sounds good. Hope the positivity continues for you both.

Dave

[Raymond]

Thats great Wounded. You may have to change your name. She is obviously working on the marriage. I was like her and my wife is like you. Touch is important to her, hugs etc. It wasn't natural to me so I had to learn it and did. If that is one of your love languages then she is putting herself out to learn it. That says an awful lot. Perhaps you can learn what her love language is. We all have them. They are, Physical Touch, (not talking about sex here) Words of Affirmation, Act of Service, Receiving Gifts (Doesn't have to be big. It's the thought that counts) and Quality Time.

One of those will be her prime love language. Although you may love her it will be perceived more accutely when you use her primary love language (as you have opportunity of course, timing is important). How do you feel when she hugs you? You feel love because that is one of your prime love languages. You could feel rejected if she never did it. These are little things but very important. With two of you working on the marriage you cannot help but be successful.

Raymond

[Ageing Grace]

Wise words, Raymond :) :)

Great post, wounded! Thanks for sharing.

All the best,

AG x

[wounded]

hello again everyone

things here are still in the positive but kind of holding were i left off. we are still seeing each other everyday whether its for an hour of the evening. the loving touches have kind of reduced but still there. she tells me that her feelings of love for me are returning alittle bit. im not sure how long it will take for her to come home though. i asked her what was keeping her away and she said she not ready to take that step yet. she said that she want more of that feeling back and she is liking her freedom right now.

the freedom thing is scarying me. she has always had her freedom to go out with friends and do what she wants. i dont understand this myself.as for the feelings im working on myself not to get in a hurry even though i want nothing more for her to come home and let me show her that i have made huge changes in the way i am. i want to be able to show her on a daily basis how the new me will treat our marriage. i asked her when she started feeling the love again and she said in the last 5 days. so i asked her well whats happened in the last week. she answered we spent time together. BINGO we did and things got better but she isnt willing to come home and work on this yet. i hope i wont take to long.....


god bless

wounded