emotional affair

[Karen100]

I suffer from manic depression and was having a bad time of it a few months ago.
A quiet colleague started helping me and was around my desk a lot rather than emailing. He was nice to me workwise and asked me to help him with a couple of projects. i started to enjoy work again and my depression lifted. I noticed that he would look at me nicely.

At a works do, we chatted friendly and got on great. we had a lot in common. He said that he always liked me
He asked me back to his but said that there would be no sex. We slept in each others arms, I was dressed. I felt close to him. He had helped to lift my depression !

I told my husband, he was angry but let me off and didn't want to talk about it anymore, but I did want to talk about it !

I asked the other guy out for a friendly drink. As the night wore on I noticed that the nice words were not suggesting friendship but more. We told each other secrets and he was attentive and caring (we did not speak about my marriage) he wanted to get to know me.
We cuddled and he told me that he loved me. I guess it was the drink talking.
We kissed.

My husband still brushed it under the carpet. I told him I was having an emotional affair. He was not phased by it. I think he thinks it will end but said i should go if he really matters !
I feel terrible about the whole situation, its never far from my mind.
I am receiving emotional support from another man and not my husband. The other guy is still helpful. I would love to be his friend. I have never clicked with anyone as well as him in my life, however we have
'crossed the border' through drink ?

What do i do ?!!!

[Ageing Grace]

What made you tell your husband about all of this?

Answer that honestly, and I think you will have most of your other answers.

AG

[dave123]

Hello,

Your husband took vows to see things through with you in good times and bad times. Work your depression through with him and with healthcare professionals if necessary. Despite the reasons for your actions they are still wrong. Your husbands reactions have been awful and can't have been easy for you to hear. He owes you much more than that.

If you try your hardest with you H and it doesn't work at least you can walk away knowing you tried. You can't base you happiness on the new guy either, you need to be happy for you. Feeling desired physically and professionally has given you a great boost, which it sounds like H is not doing.

Are you goading your H into a reaction of some sort? Do you want him to be jealous and fight for you?

Dave

[jjjj_jjjj]

Your H does not know how to deal with this so he is ignoring it. The Om does not want to be friends he wants to sleep with you. Trust me on this.......once he gets what he wants he will throw you away. Distance yourself from the OM and seek marriage counciling with your H. It is never a good idea to seek help from another man especially when you are fragile.

[jkk]

Hi,

the OM has been grooming you for an affair for weeks. All very flattering and uplifting for you, but it will only lead to further depression.

Take the advice of the previous replies.

JKK

[Raymond]

I agree with most of the other posters. You are a vulnerable person but you are honest. You told your husband. I am amazed at his response. Is he weak?

However I feel you have fallen into a trap which is bad news and could lead to adultery. You obviously need friendship but not adultery. Any sexual overtures to a married woman are wrong and you ought to realise that and be aware of it. Things are not always what they seem and I feel you are being deceived. It is a shame as it made you feel better, but when it kicks in you will be worse off than ever.

Raymond

[Karen100]

I am very honest, yes and i had a conscience. I couldn't bottle it up or it would have a negative affect on me (depression, being treated for it)
I really cant understand my husband response but he doesnt talk about his feelings and forgets quickly. We are good friends and he is approachable about things apart from our marriage, but friendship isn't enough for me.
I wanted him to know, how a guy could make me feel good, clever, desirable and more.
your responses have been excellent and i appreciate them. They've been thought provoking. I am going to have some counselling and keep the other guy at arms length but still remain work friendly and professional

[Raymond]

Good for you Karen. Maybe a bit of work needs doing on your marriage.

Does your husband know about the five languages of love? We all have them.

Raymond