Why do I feel like this?

[Confused]

I have been married for 19 years. I have a good husband who would do anything for me and lovely kids. All should be well. It isn't. I have been searching for sexual excitement with other people and as a result have had a one night stand. I feel bad about this but not guilty which makes me feel worse if you can understand me. I married at 20 and will be 40 next year so I have not known any other man up to now. I am really worried that I might do it again and I don't want that. I have tried to talk to my husband about how I feel but he shuts his ears to what I have to say. I need to find out if I am attractive to other men and just feel so unhappy. I have a good job, have lost a lot of weight recently and am generally a very confident person but this is really getting to me. Can anyone out there advise me, please?

[Kate]

Why does it matter if you are attractive to other men, I wonder? If this is a new desire to be reassured that others find you attractive, then what has changed? Is it reaching the big '40'? Perhaps you could find someone who you could talk to in strict confidence about what has happened. If you don't want to get involved with other men then the best advice is to avoid the temptation. Avoid situations that might lead to something happening. If you find the temptation growing, remind yourself how much it would hurt your husband if he knew, and escape.

Is it possible that you have slipped into a rut with your husband? Is communication as good as it could be? Sexual problems often arise as symptoms of other things in a relationship not being right.

Perhaps you need to spice up your own relationship, both romantically and physically.

There is a whole area on the site on the subject of keeping your sexual relationship healthy (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthsex/). You might consider looking at some of the articles in the Health Club (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/) or encouraging your husband onto an enrichment weekend (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/datelist.html) or away for a romantic break (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/coffeeshop/hoteloffer.html).

Every marriage needs a bit of a boost now and again. Don't do any of this out of guilt, but try and get in touch with how much you love your husband and how much those twenty years together have already meant for you both.